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The man who definitely does not want children will lose opportunities if he expresses this sentiment too early in the relationship. So it does not behoove him to do that.
It does if he has integrity.
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You're right. Childless women are easy to find. Women who never want children are hard to find. I just don't think being too upfront about his stance on children (if he is as dead set against it as he claims) is going to be something that benefits him. He would either need to soften his stance or frame his stance in a way that does not cost him options.
So, basically, mislead these women into thinking he's softer on the stance than he is, only for it to come out later that he is decidedly child-free? He would be misrepresenting, lying, in order to get dates or develop a relationship "for the time being" knowing that when the truth comes out it would be an end to the relationship.
Talk about manipulation and a waste of time. It would be no different if a woman who knew she wanted children, but hid that from her partner that did NOT want children thinking maybe he'd change his mind... eventually.
If the OP's criteria narrows his dating pool, so be it. That's the nature of having strict criteria. Don't deceive someone in order to get what you want. That's some douchebaggery right there.
So, basically, mislead these women into thinking he's softer on the stance than he is, only for it to come out later that he is decidedly child-free? He would be misrepresenting, lying, in order to get dates or develop a relationship "for the time being" knowing that when the truth comes out it would be an end to the relationship.
Talk about manipulation and a waste of time. It would be no different if a woman who knew she wanted children, but hid that from her partner that did NOT want children thinking maybe he'd change his mind... eventually.
If the OP's criteria narrows his dating pool, so be it. That's the nature of having strict criteria. Don't deceive someone in order to get what you want. That's some douchebaggery right there.
If a guy in question has not gone to have a vasectomy, he's left the door at least partially open to having kids. So he can spin the issue in a manner that favors him in attracting women.
I prefer to date women who are my age or slightly older. I have dated younger women before, only by two years. I know it is in the norm for a male to be older than the female in a relationship, but I am picky on that.
I do go out to parties and bars with my remaining unmarried friends. But I am having difficulty in finding women I am interested in as of late, it seems to correlate with my increase in age. I've been trying to think of other events or places to go to. I am pretty fit, so I've been thinking of yoga classes. I met one girlfriend at a mall years ago; may try that again too. Any other ideas are welcome.
I have not tried online dating. I have looked, but I worry that the person behind the profile would be the fat guy from Borat posing as a beautiful woman.
You're only imagining the correlation with your age. You've just hit a lull in your search, that's all. There can be an ebb and flow to it. Yoga's a good idea. Cooking classes can be a jackpot. What are the popular activities in Chicago? What do you like to do in your spare time? What are your hobbies? Find out if there's a local group that does one of your hobbies. Or try something new.
The one advantage for you for doing an online search is that it can be easier to zero in on an elusive demographic. Like your preference for child-free, and tall. That would eliminate about 90% of the women there, but that would save you a lot of time. When one of those rare no-kids unicorns shows up, you could contact her and scope her out. Same with women over a certain height, if you want to filter for that. It lends a certain efficiency to the search.
Last edited by MountainHi; 02-06-2016 at 10:58 AM..
I thought the 30s was the new 20s (as so I have heard)
I cannot really relate but if I recall my late 20s to my early 30s, I would say that there far more opportunities to date in my early 30s. I was no longer struggling money wise. I had finally against all odds actually finished a college degree (6 years total). I already settled into home ownership. Last set of debt (minus mortgage) paid off. Drove a descent car. Had a bit of descretionary cash. Established the beginnings of a professional career which in turn put me within a different circle of other professionals. I had time/money to pursue interests, get involved in interest groups, hobbies, sports, and take classes for fun (cooking). The career, time, and money equates to a different dating pool than what I was used to.
I still see people in their late 30s and early 40s dating... some are just then getting married. It could be the locale I'm in... lots of professionals and career oriented types that generally put off getting settled down later.
I thought the 30s was the new 20s (as so I have heard)
I cannot really relate but if I recall my late 20s to my early 30s, I would say that there far more opportunities to date in my early 30s. I was no longer struggling money wise. I had finally against all odds actually finished a college degree (6 years total). I already settled into home ownership. Last set of debt (minus mortgage) paid off. Drove a descent car. Had a bit of descretionary cash. Established the beginnings of a professional career which in turn put me within a different circle of other professionals. I had time/money to pursue interests, get involved in interest groups, hobbies, sports, and take classes for fun (cooking). The career, time, and money equates to a different dating pool than what I was used to.
I still see people in their late 30s and early 40s dating... some are just then getting married. It could be the locale I'm in... lots of professionals and career oriented types that generally put off getting settled down later.
Then again.. different time than the present.
This was my experience as well. The 30's are the best, IMO. And notice what he did--he's not hoping to meet Princess Charming cruising the mall, he's joining groups where he can meet women, and there will be a natural conversation topic built in, no need for awkward ice-breakers.
OP is only 30 and could easily be dating a 24-27 year old. Expressing a non-interest in children in the short term will usually work well enough up until 30 among childless women in a major city.
He explicitly said he wanted to date someone his own age or older.
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Since I am aware that people who are generally 35 and 40+ who do not have children and do not want children have taken ownership of the term child-free, I refer to myself as childless. Children are not at all a priority in my life, but I am still on the younger side. I am lukewarm on the idea of children, and have always been, but I would not tell someone I am dating exclusively that nor would I tell prospective dates that.
"Lukewarm to the idea of children," while potentially not all that appealing to someone who loves the idea of children and definitely wants to be a parent,is not the same thing as, "I know I don't want kids."
Keeping quiet as much as possible is best for the lukewarm/unenthusiastic man.
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The man who definitely does not want children will lose opportunities if he expresses this sentiment too early in the relationship. So it does not behoove him to do that.
No matter how quiet you keep on the topic, if you date someone for any length of time, your feelings on the topic will be apparent and observable in numerous potential ways, and will likely be brought up.
And, really, what opportunity have you lost? The chance to date somebody who has massively incompatible desires in life? Bummer, there.
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You're right. Childless women are easy to find. Women who never want children are hard to find. I just don't think being too upfront about his stance on children (if he is as dead set against it as he claims) is going to be something that benefits him. He would either need to soften his stance or frame his stance in a way that does not cost him options.
How does it benefit anyone to knowingly embark upon something that is ultimately destined to fail, due to a major divergence in long-term wants that you are aware of from the start?
I thought the 30s was the new 20s (as so I have heard)
I cannot really relate but if I recall my late 20s to my early 30s, I would say that there far more opportunities to date in my early 30s. I was no longer struggling money wise. I had finally against all odds actually finished a college degree (6 years total). I already settled into home ownership. Last set of debt (minus mortgage) paid off. Drove a descent car. Had a bit of descretionary cash. Established the beginnings of a professional career which in turn put me within a different circle of other professionals. I had time/money to pursue interests, get involved in interest groups, hobbies, sports, and take classes for fun (cooking). The career, time, and money equates to a different dating pool than what I was used to.
I still see people in their late 30s and early 40s dating... some are just then getting married. It could be the locale I'm in... lots of professionals and career oriented types that generally put off getting settled down later.
Then again.. different time than the present.
This is probably the case for the never married and no kids group that are getting married later in life. Those of us that were married, divorced with a couple kids by our 30's are finding it very different.
I am finding that some guys just want a sugar momma because their first wife gets most of their income. Or the single dad that has lived independently raising his kids, for years, and not looking to merge his life with someone else's.
Then the kids have opinions. They may love the guy I date but they are not enthralled with his kids. So instead of just pleasing two people, you suddenly have to please 6. Don't even ask about merging pets. Nope can't please anyone. Easier to just stay single.
I'm almost 30 and just jumped back into the dating pool. I've never wanted kids but have thought that if the love of my life wanted kids and we could comfortably manage me being a stay at home mom (or him!) then I ~might~ consider it.
However, after several dates with mid-30s men who've finally realised they want to settle down and have kids, my visceral reaction to run tells me all I need to know about my true feelings.
The decision to have kids or not is a big deal and not something to waste time with someone who doesn't see eye to eye on. Hang in there! One can only hope there's someone out there for each of us.
The only reason that the OP could justify having an interest in women 5’7” and over is if he is really good at a specific sport and would like the woman he dates to be able to play that sport at the same level that he does.
The only reason, eh? Bosh. Sometimes a man just likes long, long legs wrapped around him.
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