Emotional affair / sexting outside of LTR (boyfriend, how to, marriage, women)
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Long story short, I have been with this woman for about 3 years. We live together. We at.e both mid 30s. Everything goes no fine from my perspective. We have talked marriage, long term plans, kids. She is very affectionate towards me, we have sex a lot. And good sex. We do tons of stuff together, actually we are on a trip now. I am writing this from a hotel room while she is in the shower.
A few days ago, while we were cuddling and watching tv in the couch, she had her phone out showing me something on Facebook, and a text notification flashed from a name I recognized as an ex boyfriend of hers. Said something like "thanks for earlier". I did not say anything or even acknowledge that I saw it. I would have let it go, but later, when we were going to bed he sent another. Again, I did not acknowledge. We had sex and went to sleep. The next morning while she was in the shower, while I was getting ready, I heard her phone make a weird noise. It was an incoming FaceTime request from him.
I then went in here phone and looked at the texts from him. I could only gets couple days in... She was sexting with him, And sent nude photos of herself. I don't know how long this has been going on. I know she dated this guy a LONGtime ago. And I'm pretty sure they have not had any physical contact, he lives about 45 minutes away.
I don't even know how to approach her about this. Considering I know what I know, without her throwing the"why were you going through my phone " bit. I think I had good reason.
She has been through some emotionally abusiver relationships in the past and certain things she finds controlling, like me even inquiring about this might set her off.
Bottom line I am completely devastated by this, it's been tearing me apart the last few days, I just don't know how to handle it
It sucks to find actual evidence that you've been betrayed.
Personally, I would tell her you won't stand for it. It doesn't matter that you went through her phone. Just tell her that when you saw the text alert and she didn't acknowledge it, you knew something was up so you checked. An attorney would call that "probable cause."
When you get home, I would tell her not to unpack.
respect others, without compromising yourself a lifelong motto
if I were in your shoes,,,, this is what id do,,,, find his screename,,,,and reply to him one on one-nothing deters a man like a crazed boyfriend...send a picture of the to of you,, and tell him,,, you two have been talking of marriage you would appreciate it if you would stay [bleep] away from them,,,and not be a homewrecker...id even go so far as to say,,,did she tell you she was pregnant??
(why do you have to play by the honest rules,,,they are dumping on you,,and playing you the fool)
then he will back off ... tell her.. and lets see how she handles it,,she cannot get mad at you
she cant bring it up to you without admitting what she's already doing..
most will say go to her first..... well maybe if you are ready to lose her go ahead,,,, she has a man to fall to,,,while you will be devastated
the perfect world,,is you confront her,,,and say thank you for revealing who you truly are .... and leave
if you can do this,,,go ahead
if you cannot and think you two can salvage this,,,,,,then try to talk it out,,
but
you are in a situation a million guys have been in,,,
if the shoe is on the other foot,,,she will yell and scream and say she cant trust you...
no one knows this situation better than you..
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-15-2016 at 07:55 AM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
And I'm pretty sure they have not had any physical contact, he lives about 45 minutes away.
I hate to say this, but 45 min is not nearly enough distance away to deter two people from getting together. Every relationship I've been in, but one, has lived further away than that.
You're naive. They are having a physical affair under your nose. What are your choices really?
They are also hoping you will find out about it. What secret lover texts and facetimes repeatedly when he knows his lover is at a hotel with her boyfriend?
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-15-2016 at 07:57 AM..
Reason: Off-topic.
You're naive. They are having a physical affair under your nose. What are your choices really?
They are also hoping you will find out about it. What secret lover texts and facetimes repeatedly when he knows his lover is at a hotel with her boyfriend?
[snip]
I was about to say; They either don't care that the OP finds out or they WANT him to find out.
Either way...I think it's safe to say that you should probably duck out.
Who cares if she is upset that you looked at her phone? She's cheating on you.
Right. You don't need to explain or justify yourself. A simple "You're cheating on me and I know it" is all you need to say. If you don't want to listen to explanations, don't. If you don't want to work it out, don't. She can be as angry as she wants--so what? I agree that they probably wanted you to find out.
When you get home, I would tell her not to unpack.
This. You don't want a long term relationship with this women. Hit the eject button.
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