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A girl I knew years ago but we lost touch, contacted me last april, added me on FB. We talked and talked every day, she messaged me all the time, it was great. Feelings grew and we got together in august, it was amazing, I loved her so much, it felt so right. She chased me very hard for these months.
You said the L word and you hardly even hung out with her, you were just talking on social media.
I never got to close with her child we did not see each other loads, I met her kid maybe once a week when at her house and she is a lovely child, very polite and well mannered, I bought her two gifts like art stuff she loved to make things.
We spoke about her kid when we first got serious and we agreed she had been through a lot with her previous bf being abusive and her kid seen a lot so she could not bring stuff heavy on top of her which I got so I always kept my distance and let her decide when or not I spent time with her. She was right too as its her life, that child is what she lives for so I respected that a lot.
She never told her child we were together, she seen me as a friend who called each weekend and it kept things smooth. She wanted to go slow after her previous guy and I got that after what both went through. It was never an issue for me she had a kid, I never seen it as a bad thing. And she knew that.
You said the L word and you hardly even hung out with her, you were just talking on social media.
She's got brains, and a kid.
It's over.
We were together 4 months. The first 6 weeks we spent a lot of time together as she was off college for holidays, then weeks after she got back it got hard, which we knew it would, we spoke about it, but harder than she expected.
I did not rush in with I love you like some crazy guy. She told she loved me 2 months in, I said I loved her too. It was, or seemed a mutual feeling.
I never got to close with her child we did not see each other loads, I met her kid maybe once a week when at her house and she is a lovely child, very polite and well mannered, I bought her two gifts like art stuff she loved to make things.
We spoke about her kid when we first got serious and we agreed she had been through a lot with her previous bf being abusive and her kid seen a lot so she could not bring stuff heavy on top of her which I got so I always kept my distance and let her decide when or not I spent time with her. She was right too as its her life, that child is what she lives for so I respected that a lot.
She never told her child we were together, she seen me as a friend who called each weekend and it kept things smooth. She wanted to go slow after her previous guy and I got that after what both went through. It was never an issue for me she had a kid, I never seen it as a bad thing. And she knew that.
It's smart that she did not involve her child in her love life.
You two basically were pen pals. It's hard to go back to your life when you have an established habit like you had. But it's good that you are moving on now. It's time.
I think how our lives were and the fact it was not easy for us to see each other midweek just made it to hard in the end, it was going stale. Without college and no night work who knows it may have been better but its not something I will ever know.
It seems you still do not understand. It will probably take you another few failed relationships to figure out this type of woman will never be able to have a healthy, non-chaotic relationship.
It became like that once she got back to college and life got busy, pen pals, it became online and of course harder on both.
It was smart she never involved her child, she will not make the same mistake again which is good. I have seen single mums with kids go from guy to guy and the guy is the "new daddy" after a month, kids get messed up this way, not knowing who this new guy is or what he is about. I respected that a lot and understood it.
It became like that once she got back to college and life got busy, pen pals, it became online and of course harder on both.
It was smart she never involved her child, she will not make the same mistake again which is good. I have seen single mums with kids go from guy to guy and the guy is the "new daddy" after a month, kids get messed up this way, not knowing who this new guy is or what he is about. I respected that a lot and understood it.
Yes, she WILL make the same mistake again. She just needs a more abusive guy with whom to do that.
It seems you still do not understand. It will probably take you another few failed relationships to figure out this type of woman will never be able to have a healthy, non-chaotic relationship.
As strange as it may be, I seen every side of her, I know how she can be, will she be? maybe not. Maybe its why I was left with doubts and the what if aspect of it, but I do know deep down she has had issues with guys always, so it is not a once off thing for her, there is a reason for that of course.
People who know her better than I think this is how she is, she will meet a guy, become infatuated, and after a while the mask slips and it goes pear shaped, I do wish her well and hope she does find whatever it is she is after, not sure she even knows what that is though.
I do understand what you are saying, guess I try to see the best and hope they can too, but again as I said it is not my job either. I have to find what is right for me, obvious by my experience here and no knowledge of relationships its gonna take me time to find this also.
Yes, she WILL make the same mistake again. She just needs a more abusive guy with whom to do that.
After meeting her kid I really hope she does not, she is smart and understood these guys were bad so you would hope she can stick to that but I know, if she gets pulled into that or if that is what gets her off or wants she just may go back down that road again.
Her kid does not deserve it though, hope for her sake she does not.
youre dealing with two major things here
1: feelings
2: reality
These two things are not nessarily indicative or exclusive of the other, you only know what she wants you to know and can guess at based on her actions towards you.
i would also add that you shouldn't buy in to damaged goods unless you intend to be the glue that holds it together.
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