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My ex-girlfriend and I had been dating for 5 years when she got pregnant. It was not planned but we were both happy with the baby.
However, it happened during a period in which I was completely overwhelmed with work. Leaving the office at midnight, travelling all the time, etc. I eventually got involved with a younger assistant and she found out.
She had a nervous breakdown during the pregnancy because of that but fortunately our baby boy was born healthy. He's now 6 months old and when I go visit him, I notice she's still very bitter towards me. The way she acts and speaks say it all.
I'm very aware of what I did and I don't expect us to be friends. Still, I think we should try to have a cordial relationship because we'll have to be in contact for many years to come.
In one of our arguments while we were breaking up, I asked her if she was sure the baby was really mine. I've apologised countless times and told her it was just a stupid thing I said in the heat of the discussion but she said she'll never forgive that.
Don't burn bridges by saying or doing ignorant guy stuff. You will need to maintain a decent relationship.
Just be a nice guy and give her and the baby respect.
Do you want to be with your Ex or is it 100% over? If you're a good man and repentant, she may want to be in your life.
In my opinion, the first step is to quit acting like you care about her feelings all of a sudden...nobody gets stressed and then just accidentally cheats....I dont blame you for wanting to make sure the child was yours. There's no way to be sure without a test, especially since you knew you were a rotten cheater yourself...you probably thought she had the same character you do and would stoop as low as you did...so hopefully you were wrong...at this point you might as well just focus on raising your son and hope you're a better father than you were a mate.
Concentrate 100% on raising your son. Have all your conversations with his mother about him, and him only. Do not discuss her relationships, or yours. Neither is of issue here. Be kind, be thoughtful, do what needs to be done for your son, but only discuss what pertains to him.
I hope she doesn't badmouth you when the boy is older, but she's under no obligation to be nice to you. I agree with soletaire. All you can do is try to be a good father.
Concentrate 100% on raising your son. Have all your conversations with his mother about him, and him only. Do not discuss her relationships, or yours. Neither is of issue here. Be kind, be thoughtful, do what needs to be done for your son, but only discuss what pertains to him.
Thank you. I visit my son about 3 times a week, change diapers, give him his bath and we have fun together.
If you seriously plan to co-parent with her for all of your life, at some point you need to sit down and say something to her about how you feel about your actions and what you are hoping to accomplish going forward.
You can't just continue to show up and play with the baby as if nothing ever happened.
My ex-girlfriend and I had been dating for 5 years when she got pregnant. It was not planned but we were both happy with the baby.
However, it happened during a period in which I was completely overwhelmed with work. Leaving the office at midnight, travelling all the time, etc. I eventually got involved with a younger assistant and she found out.
She had a nervous breakdown during the pregnancy because of that but fortunately our baby boy was born healthy. He's now 6 months old and when I go visit him, I notice she's still very bitter towards me. The way she acts and speaks say it all.
I'm very aware of what I did and I don't expect us to be friends. Still, I think we should try to have a cordial relationship because we'll have to be in contact for many years to come.
In one of our arguments while we were breaking up, I asked her if she was sure the baby was really mine. I've apologised countless times and told her it was just a stupid thing I said in the heat of the discussion but she said she'll never forgive that.
Yeah, I doubt things are ever going to be all good, and good luck being cast in a redeeming light, but if you don't evidence any other atrocious behavior as the kid grows up, you may eventually be able to sustain a civil, if not cordial, communication with the mom. But probably not for quite some time.
You say she's "still" upset, like this is some ancient history. The baby's only six months old. It's not.
My husband and I have a five-month old infant. If I were raising him on my own, having been cheated on and abandoned? Yeah, you're nowhere NEAR any sort of "can't bygones be bygones?" sentiment being an even slightly realistic expectation to entertain, at this point. I wouldn't count on things being "cool" at any point, when you get right down to it. You didn't just betray your GF, unfortunately; you betrayed your family (and pulled what seems like a really cheap shot and pot-calling-kettle-black with the paternity dig, assuming infidelity on your ex's part was a non issue). That's kind of a big deal. Sorry, but I feel like "cordial" is really kind of shooting for the moon, here. Cordial also is for amicable, even mutual, "we've grown apart, but I wish you well" splits, or after years have passed. Neither of which describe this context.
Your ex has zero obligation to be cordial to you. She may, over time, be courteous and civil, and should always be willing to work with you on issues that are in her son's best interest, but "cordial" is really pushing it.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 03-03-2016 at 08:08 AM..
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