Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Beyond mutual attraction and sexual and other compatibility, are there qualities and factors that you sense are important in the person you would want to marry?
How about education and career? Financial stability - Saving and spending habits. Organizational skills. Will you marry a slob, particularly if you are one yourself?
Big boobs and love of sex, the rest will work itself out. If my marriage goes south, only way I'm ever remarrying is of she is comfortable with her body and loves sex, not just says she does at first.
Honest and transparent communication and the ability to compromise.
Yes, important factors. What if she/he has no reasonable job prospects and loves shopping with an over extended credit card, and is able to communicate that to you clearly and honestly? Do you still see marriage?
Yes, important factors. What if she/he has no reasonable job prospects and loves shopping with an over extended credit card, and is able to communicate that to you clearly and honestly? Do you still see marriage?
So a long time ago, my wife wanted a new car. We had a disagreement as I'm much more financially responsible (at that time). I agreed to pay for insurance and a portion of the payments. However, she needed to come up with the 20% down payment. Months later, she realized that it just wasn't going to work out and she moved on from that idea. What she didn't realize that I already made the calculations and knew it just wasn't going to happen. The point was that I made her part of that decision process rather than just saying... NO. It was a lesson that she needed to feel like she was part of the decision process.
In your scenario, I would first tell her that I very much love her and see a future together. However, that future also includes a few financial goals. I would outline how he expenditures, shopping, and job prospects work against that financial goal. Then I would go ahead and work out with her how we go about improving our chances. Marriage would depend on how she handles that conversation emotionally and in the way she is able to discuss. Then by action.
Along with lack of communication, money/financial goals is one of the biggest reasons why divorces occur. I wouldn't want to risk it with someone who cannot first communicate financial goals and then compromise on them.
The single biggest argument we had was when I discovered she had 18k in credit card debt and school loans (but job prospects). I was debt free, owned a home and built up a savings. We put a plan together to reduce it but it just wasn't working out. It stressed us as a young couple simple because I could enjoy things with my disposable income while she barely made her payments against debt. At some point, I dumped my entire savings into her credit card (she still has student loans) and we both, as a married couple, started from scratch. It was hard to swallow that.... but it was the best thing I did for our relationship. No regrets 10+ years later.
Now, she is actually more frugal than I when it comes to expenses. A change in attitude and behavior that saved us when we really had to face some hard times emotionally and financially...
Beyond mutual attraction and sexual and other compatibility, are there qualities and factors that you sense are important in the person you would want to marry?
How about education and career? Financial stability - Saving and spending habits. Organizational skills. Will you marry a slob, particularly if you are one yourself?
Obviously love and affection top the list but a willingness to work and earn is important. Simply because if you want to start a family and get a morgage etc it goes with out saying that if one doesn't pull their weight it causes trouble and will only cause strain on the marriage.
So a long time ago, my wife wanted a new car. We had a disagreement as I'm much more financially responsible (at that time). I agreed to pay for insurance and a portion of the payments. However, she needed to come up with the 20% down payment. Months later, she realized that it just wasn't going to work out and she moved on from that idea. What she didn't realize that I already made the calculations and knew it just wasn't going to happen. The point was that I made her part of that decision process rather than just saying... NO. It was a lesson that she needed to feel like she was part of the decision process.
In your scenario, I would first tell her that I very much love her and see a future together. However, that future also includes a few financial goals. I would outline how he expenditures, shopping, and job prospects work against that financial goal. Then I would go ahead and work out with her how we go about improving our chances. Marriage would depend on how she handles that conversation emotionally and in the way she is able to discuss. Then by action.
Along with lack of communication, money/financial goals is one of the biggest reasons why divorces occur. I wouldn't want to risk it with someone who cannot first communicate financial goals and then compromise on them.
The single biggest argument we had was when I discovered she had 18k in credit card debt and school loans (but job prospects). I was debt free, owned a home and built up a savings. We put a plan together to reduce it but it just wasn't working out. It stressed us as a young couple simple because I could enjoy things with my disposable income while she barely made her payments against debt. At some point, I dumped my entire savings into her credit card (she still has student loans) and we both, as a married couple, started from scratch. It was hard to swallow that.... but it was the best thing I did for our relationship. No regrets 10+ years later.
Now, she is actually more frugal than I when it comes to expenses. A change in attitude and behavior that saved us when we really had to face some hard times emotionally and financially...
what a great story. wish you many more years of togetherness. so financial comparability can develop if there is love and communication. good point.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
