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The thing is, it sounds like she was ready to buy a house over a year ago when they first started dating. I get that things were going well and moving fast, but why on earth didn't the OP just buy a house a year ago? This waiting around for a man thing makes no sense. If I guy wants to be with you, even if you own a house, he will make it happen. And waiting to be married and live together never killed anyone ( like say she bought the house, and years down the road had to sell it and it took a while to sell or something like that)
Why? There is not one good reason to include him in the house hunt which runs a very high risk of giving him the impression/idea that they are house hunting for *them* which includes him and his children.
If the original poster includes him in the hunt she runs a very high risk of being talked into a home that is big enough for six that she cannot afford alone that will mingle their finances that will be lost if/when they break up.
She should focus on herself and her children and walk away from him until he gets all of his legal and financial issues settled with his ex wife.
She said several times that she cannot afford a home for all six of them and is not interested in living with her boyfriend until marriage. I believe her. She's also said that she is not sure how to move forward without 1) making him feel like she is trying to get him to propose, because she's not, and 2) making him feel like she is distancing herself from him physically and emotionally, which at least one other poster said she would feel like too, if her boyfriend did that. "Come see these two houses I am interested in" is in no way the same thing as "Which house should we buy for our two families"?
we talked.. no mention of getting marriage from either one of us .. he agrees because of his situation i should peruse a house, if that is what i want and that he wishes it could be different.. heh
he said it would be unfair to ask me to wait (im not really sure what that means) it wouldn't be unfair if our future was certain
Is your boyfriend divorced with children and his financial status still in limbo with his ex wife and their tangled mess? I'm not saying another man is feeling threatened by her intention to purchase a home.
I am saying so far he can't get his own life straightened and cut off from his ex wife with the exception of issues with their children. The original poster must consider herself and her children alone when purchasing a home and honestly if it were me I would have already walked away and told him to call when he is done with all the mess with his ex wive then we'll talk.
When I was single and had my own place no one but me and the landlord had a key to my home no matter how long we had been dating. If I had bought a home at that time no one would have a key or be moving into that home unless we were married and no financial anything would have been mixed either.
Too many tangles and webs when things don't work out long term as planned.
As a previous poster stated, he might not be able to untangle himself from the ex wife until the kids are adults. I know my sons father takes me back to court several times a year. He will continue to do so for the next 15 years. It is a flaw in his personality and completely out of my control. I can only show up when I am court ordered to show up and argue my side.
we talked.. no mention of getting marriage from either one of us .. he agrees because of his situation i should peruse a house, if that is what i want and that he wishes it could be different.. heh
he said it would be unfair to ask me to wait (im not really sure what that means) it wouldn't be unfair if our future was certain
Well there you go.. Happy house hunting and good luck!
Exactly what I thought, he has no plans on marrying but wants an easy ride.
Hopefully you'll be smart enough to end the relationship given he pretty much told you he has no plans of marriage and solidifying a future with you.
You wanted to know about marriage with him and you got your answer, he has no plans to propose and is basically telling you to move on and don't wait for him.
we talked.. no mention of getting marriage from either one of us .. he agrees because of his situation i should peruse a house, if that is what i want and that he wishes it could be different.. heh
he said it would be unfair to ask me to wait (im not really sure what that means) it wouldn't be unfair if our future was certain
It would be unfair to ask you to wait because he doesn't know what his future is going to be like right now. His child support payments may be sky high, he may have to pay alimony, and he may have problems making ends meet.
I think he's being a decent person and putting you and your kids first by telling you to follow your dreams. He's not leaving you, or vice versa. You're just buying a house.
I give him credit for wanting to wait until he see's what the future holds for him. Be happy. Buy that house and then post in the decorating forum and we'll help you decorate it. If and when things change in the future, houses can be sold or added on to.
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