The I can't get a date cuz wimmens forum - who are these people? (married, men)

[jma501]

A thread/poster whining and complaining about about other threads/posters whining and complaining. It's quite ironic.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

So we see a pretty sizable number of posts from men who are frustrated with the new order because they can't get women. The conclusion is that we wimmens are just big fat meanies who only care about looks or money. I look around my life and think, who are these people? What is going on in their world that this is what they see? DO they look around their world, or just sit in the basement playing WoW?

My world looks very different. My husband is decent looking, no Russell Crow but then who is? When I met him, he was very fit. And he is FUN. Mountain biking, hiking, going out with friends. He never went out looking for "dates". He engaged in life, and met people. He met people with similar interests, including females. Never wanted for a girlfriend. Perpetually broke.

Four brothers. One black, severely overweight, severely learning disabled. Not married, but several girlfriends over the course of his life. One super short and kinda tubby in the belly. Married to a really wonderful woman who stands a full head taller than he. Another who has a severe mental disability. The injuries and treatments have left him looking pretty ragged. His disability leaves him on the very low end of the earning capacity. Happily married to a wonderful woman who loves the snot out of him despite criticism from the bothers in her family. Met his wife at church. One just normal joe guy married to another wonderful woman. Met at work. Raised her son as his own.

Cousins, 4 male. All normal dudes. All married.

Looking around at my colleagues at work... One guy is FUGLY. Not trying to be mean. But this gent was never a looker. Decent buddy of mine. Happily married with 3 kids. One guy is a weight lifter, recently married. But sort of the guy you would point to as "See, that is what you need to be to get a woman." Notice he is ONE person in quite a few examples. Moving down a cubicle, math geek sporty absent minded professor duds. Met his wife in college in math class. Next cubicle, another geek but this one not even sporting cute absent minded professor duds. Short, squatty. Met his wife in sailing club. Moving over one more cubicle, hairy, overweight dude who is a bit of an emoter. Met the wife he never stops talking about on the ski slopes.

I could go on an on. So if wimmens are making it so impossible for men to mate up, what am I not seeing?

In a word, the self awareness of these guys is almost nil. Let's run it down why some men are successful at it:

- They take care of themselves physically and in the way they dress. You don't have to be a triathlete or dress like something out of the pages of GQ. But, c'mon guys, respect yourself.

- They are, to be perfectly honest, really interesting people. Watching ESPN every night or playing video games for hours on end atrophies your brain to the size of an English pea. Women like men who have some kind of basic guiding passion in life, besides rooting for your favorite sports team. I mean, life is a freaking banquet with a million amazing things in it, yet if you spend your life perched in front of the boob tube or the computer screen, you're electing to starve to death.

- They don't subscribe to the idiotic Women Like Bad Boys argument. Women don't like Bad Boys. They like men who freaking enjoy their lives, who don't treat life as if it were a venomous snake. That means you don't have to buy a Harley or base jump. You just have to find something in life to embrace and feel good about yourself while doing it. It matters less how well you dance and more that you have the courage to dance at all. In that way, men (And women) who are confident in their own skin attract others. Confidence is sexy. Fear is not.

- They don't just have a job. They have a purpose. You don't have to be an executive or a hotshot lawyer. You just have to enjoy what you do and do it really well. A lifelong friend of mine chucked college at 19 and became a woodworker. Then he became a killer cabinet maker. He never wanted in life for amazing women until he married the most amazing woman of all.

- They have bravery. You know that fabulous woman across the room? Go talk to her. See how it goes. Passivity isn't attractive, no way no how.

- They cultivate the ability to have a conversation. Great conversationalists share one trait in common. They aren't just good at talking. They are good at listening. They make the other person feel as if he or she are the most interesting person in the room. While question-and-answer is not a civilized form of conversation, they know how to ask the right questions to spur nice, long answers, the kind of answers that spur a deeper discussion.

- They don't harbor weird, mechanistic theories about how women think. You can spot these losers from a mile away. They think women are the equivalent of an Xbox controller, where if you hit the right combination of buttons, a woman will rip off her top and shriek, "Yes, take me sailor!" at the top of her lungs. Self-described Nice Guys are particularly prone to this view, what with their priggish emphasis on courtly behavior.

- Instead, they view women as people, not potential bedmates. In truth, the kind of woman you'd pick up in a bar after fifteen minutes isn't the kind of woman you'd want to date long-term. Guys who succeed with women don't treat them as fertility goddesses, but rather as living, breathing individuals with opinions, tastes, hopes, fears, dreams, and passions. Likewise, that means you should have the nerve to actually disagree and not be that impressed with her BS. Women like men who aren't all that desperate to impress.

- They are more about getting into a relationship than getting laid, even if it means just friendship. Women can smell the other kind a mile away.

Of course, the guys who read this and scoff won't see themselves in these words. They simply think women don't see their intrinsic desirability. The problem is that they refuse to have the courage to see their intrinsic undesirability.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary

Before online dating, you didn't ask out 100-200 women in one evening. So you didn't get 199 rejections.

Hopefully someone isn't asking that many people out in many years, even with OLD. Sheesh. I doubt I've asked 200 people people out in the last 25 years of dating.

[49ersfan27]

Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary

Dating itself hasn't gotten harder, but it has become more difficult to meet someone because people rely too much on technology. I also think people are too used to instant gratification these days and are impatient.

To many people expect apps and online dating sites to be the be all, end all. Maybe you are too young to remember personal ads, but back in the day, no one in his or her right mind would think the personal ads where the be all end all of finding someone. It's a poor way to find a good match. You might try it, but you relied more heavily on meeting people in person. Dates were harder to come by too because you had to work at getting out and finding people. The online dating might expose you to more people, but it also exposes you to more people who are not a good match for you as well.

Dating is not fun when you are dating the wrong person. Dating is a lot of fun when you find the right person. You have to accept the downside to get the good side, accept the risk of rejection to get the reward of finding the right person, etc. And finding that right person is a lot of work. The whole, old cliche about kissing a lot of frogs exists for a reason.

Another part of the problem is in this day and age you get a lot more rejections because, frankly, you get a lot more dates due to the technology or at least get to ask out more women due to technology. AKA a whole lot more frogs and bad matches to bring down your spirits. Before online dating, you didn't ask out 100-200 women in one evening. So you didn't get 199 rejections.

That first paragraph nailed it a lot of people want it now instantly when it doesn't work like that.

[AZDesertBrat]

Originally Posted by somebodynew

So we see a pretty sizable number of posts from men who are frustrated with the new order because they can't get women. The conclusion is that we wimmens are just big fat meanies who only care about looks or money. I look around my life and think, who are these people? What is going on in their world that this is what they see? DO they look around their world, or just sit in the basement playing WoW?

My world looks very different. My husband is decent looking, no Russell Crow but then who is? When I met him, he was very fit. And he is FUN. Mountain biking, hiking, going out with friends. He never went out looking for "dates". He engaged in life, and met people. He met people with similar interests, including females. Never wanted for a girlfriend. Perpetually broke.

Four brothers. One black, severely overweight, severely learning disabled. Not married, but several girlfriends over the course of his life. One super short and kinda tubby in the belly. Married to a really wonderful woman who stands a full head taller than he. Another who has a severe mental disability. The injuries and treatments have left him looking pretty ragged. His disability leaves him on the very low end of the earning capacity. Happily married to a wonderful woman who loves the snot out of him despite criticism from the bothers in her family. Met his wife at church. One just normal joe guy married to another wonderful woman. Met at work. Raised her son as his own.

Cousins, 4 male. All normal dudes. All married.

Looking around at my colleagues at work... One guy is FUGLY. Not trying to be mean. But this gent was never a looker. Decent buddy of mine. Happily married with 3 kids. One guy is a weight lifter, recently married. But sort of the guy you would point to as "See, that is what you need to be to get a woman." Notice he is ONE person in quite a few examples. Moving down a cubicle, math geek sporty absent minded professor duds. Met his wife in college in math class. Next cubicle, another geek but this one not even sporting cute absent minded professor duds. Short, squatty. Met his wife in sailing club. Moving over one more cubicle, hairy, overweight dude who is a bit of an emoter. Met the wife he never stops talking about on the ski slopes.

I could go on an on. So if wimmens are making it so impossible for men to mate up, what am I not seeing?

Having worked with the public my whole life in restaurants, hotels and retail I have probably seen every type of couple you can imagine. It makes me think that, yes, there just might be 'someone for everyone' and these people got together somehow! I see it at work too. Some of the most unlikely people get together, date, live together and eventually marry. I don't know what you're "not seeing" because I'm not either, I guess.

[TMBGBlueCanary]

Originally Posted by 49ersfan27

I was toddler at that time but I'm 26 now and yes I have struggled with dating and meeting women in my life. With all these connections out there dating and meeting women should be easy, but it hasn't been.

You are at that age where I was mentioning it was tough to date (at when I was your age). So I have a lot of empathy for you... I've been there, done that, have the hat and tee shirt. I had hardly any dates at your age or younger. It gets better for men in the late 20s/early 30s as long as you don't let lack of early success taint your perspective and make you bitter. It's a hard thing to do, but if it helps, remember woman had nothing against you personally, it's just in their early 20s and such, they are still learning what they like, who they like, what kind of relationship they want, etc... they are still maturing and defining their character, just like most men. Staying determined and optimistic will help not only with relationships (both romantic and fraternal), but also with other things that are tough at that age like finding a good job, getting ahead financially, etc.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by 49ersfan27

Dating has gotten harder for sure so I can see why some men have gotten frustrated. Some literally stop trying because who wants to be rejected all the time? Dating is supposed to be fun but it's not.

There's your problem.

You have to make it fun. Treat it like a chore and no one wants to date.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary

You are at that age where I was mentioning it was tough to date (at when I was your age). So I have a lot of empathy for you... I've been there, done that, have the hat and tee shirt. I had hardly any dates at your age or younger. It gets better for men in the late 20s/early 30s as long as you don't let lack of early success taint your perspective and make you bitter. It's a hard thing to do, but if it helps, remember woman had nothing against you personally, it's just in their early 20s and such, they are still learning what they like, who they like, what kind of relationship they want, etc... they are still maturing and defining their character, just like most men. Staying determined and optimistic will help not only with relationships (both romantic and fraternal), but also with other things that are tough at that age like finding a good job, getting ahead financially, etc.

Same here, my 20s sucked, I had three relationships of 1-2 years (lived with one), but in between there were loads of dry spells, and they weren't the healthiest relationships... but we were kids. Things really took off mid 30s.

[startingfromscratchagain]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Maybe unimpressive physically, but so what? They could be awesome people. Look around, lots of people that aren't lookers date just fine. Thankfully!



This is critical. Have passions. Engage in them. Be able to narrate about them and show your passion.

Heck, I've dated a bunch of people that I didn't have a ton in common with, but they had passions, and it made them incredible to talk to, even when I didn't share that passion. One, a writer, I dated for years. I still find her work inaccessible, but she's brilliant.

Unfortunately, my previous passions were more solo type activities...although I loved talking about them endlessly...and people seemed to enjoy hearing about them. However, as of now, I have no passion for anything. I am alive without being able to live. This is why I will more than likely be alone forevermore only able to feel the warm touch of a women after having spent a little to pay her time. It's not ideal, but it helps bid the time until I hopefully grow into someone worth being loved... It kind of sucks since I'm sure there have been plenty of opportunities to 'verge' past a convo into the next phase. Sadly, I don't think I should burden those kind female souls with my existence. I really do suck quite a bit. I blame no one but myself...and perhaps my genes just a little bit...but mostly myself. Will give it another 5 years and if I don't have everything I want I will call it quits and depart from this world. Opps...time to up my meds again...not that meds can negate a total lack of change and forward momentum. I'm so bored I hate myself a little bit more each day.

[Zeurich]

What the heck is Wimmens and what is sizable? are you talking about a comic