"Oh, sorry, I thought you were flirting with me." Bleh. (girl, calling)
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This is one of the things I find the most confusing when dealing with men.. Figuring out wth they want from me. Being platonic is generally how I roll, but some men interpret that as flirting when it's clearly not.. I know what mutual attraction is & feels like ~ it's crazy obvious ~ so I don't understand how dudes get their wires crossed when it's not there on my end. It ruins it for everyone when we have to be guarded & suspicious of a man's true intentions...
Some guys have big egos, and assume that if a woman is giving them any attention at all, even if it's something work-related, that it's personal, and she has a thing for him.
This is one of the things I find the most confusing when dealing with men.. Figuring out wth they want from me. Being platonic is generally how I roll, but some men interpret that as flirting when it's clearly not.. I know what mutual attraction is & feels like ~ it's crazy obvious ~ so I don't understand how dudes get their wires crossed when it's not there on my end. It ruins it for everyone when we have to be guarded & suspicious of a man's true intentions...
He may either think you're being coy, or that over time you'll begin to see how totally awesome he is.
Yet another reason women are often on the sharp lookout for "pickup attempts" and may misinterpret something like "let's go out for coffee" (logically though, IMO) as a potential date or warmup for a date. If we just assume (either way) then things can be really embarrassing and awkward for both parties.
Guys are often subtle, for a lot of reasons. One biggie is not wanting to risk rejection; if the woman turns around and says "I'm not interested in dating you" the man can fall back and say he really meant it just as friends. Another is so he can go slow and not scare her off. A lot of reasons. We women know this, so yes, we may think "let's go out for coffee/dinner" means "I'm hoping to warm you up for a date/kiss/whatever."
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan
Guys don't invite women out on dates (even casual dates) for platonic purposes. So of course your platonic "friends" are feeling like you're trying to get in their pants and are turned off. You probably come across as dishonest and your actions, behavior and words don't match up. Friendship outings are often group outings with at least several people...parties, bars, NFL Sunday get-togethers, and so on. There may be the occasional one-on-one outing too of course...but usually after the friendship is well-established and secure.
That one is totally weird. Unless you're both 11 and have just finished watching Monsters University and polishing off an entire pizza and a bag of Doritos. And you've already called to arrange for Mom to bring over your toothbrush and pjs and pick you up in the morning.
I have heard it before. "She came over, fell asleep on my shoulder, then she moved to the bed and I slept on the couch..."
Just...so weird. So totally weird.
Don't people have homes? And beds? LOL.
Monday morning Tommy is bragging to his friends in the school lunch room how Suzy spent the night.
"She spent the night! She was on top of me all night!"
It's just a case of too much too soon giving off larger signals.
Get to know people better before inviting them out alone...it's a comfort level issue.
You wish to become friends by asking them to do the things people typically do on a first date??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Maybe it's the wording but the OP says when he wishes to become friends with a woman, he asks her to lunch or coffee, so they're not already friends but he's trying to establish one. If that's the case, I can see why it looks like he's trying to date them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravityMan
Guys don't invite women out on dates (even casual dates) for platonic purposes.
I have been invited out for coffee/lunch etc so many times by guys I just met who only wanted to be friends from the get-go that whenever someone asks me to get together, I assume they are only interested in being friends. It's evident they only want to be friends when during the outing, they tell me they wanted to get together to ask me for dating, networking or other advice.
If we've already established a platonic friendship and your asking me to grab coffee or lunch with you, I wouldn't think of it as anything more than two friends grabbing some food. However if we don't know each other that well, you're single as am I and you're asking me to lunch, I'd think it's a date or at least that you're interested in something more than just friendship.
If we've already established a platonic friendship and your asking me to grab coffee or lunch with you, I wouldn't think of it as anything more than two friends grabbing some food. However if we don't know each other that well, you're single as am I and you're asking me to lunch, I'd think it's a date or at least that you're interested in something more than just friendship.
I agree, and from what the OP said, these "dates" are to get to know the person, so...not a long-time established relationship but a newer one.
However if we don't know each other that well, you're single as am I and you're asking me to lunch, I'd think it's a date or at least that you're interested in something more than just friendship.
That's what I used to think too, until it turned out it never was interest in something more.
That's what I used to think too, until it turned out it never was interest in something more.
Yeah...
But it was the opposite for my husband regarding a former female friend of his.
She did exactly what the OP did.
He continuously told her that he was only interested in her as a friend, but she wanted more.
I was suspicious of her intentions in the beginning.
Then shortly after we got married, we found out from a male friend of her, whom she went out with, that when my husband *who was my boyfriend at the time*, told her that he was going to propose marriage to me, she came to him and told him that she wanted to date my husband. He had a difficult time getting through to her that what she wanted was not possible.
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