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So if he is a "functioning alcoholic" why are you reinforcing his drinking by drinking WITH him and having sex? Is his drinking okay with you as long as you get something out of it? Maybe you need to figure out what it is that you really want.
BTW, making one counseling appointment is hardly progress - not until he has KEPT that appointment and a good number more, as well as exhibited new behaviors can you say he has made real progress.
Neither one of us are alcoholics. I've never said that he had a drinking problem. We drink sometimes...recreationally, but its never been an issue.
I agree with you on the counseling appointment though
It happens. It's easy to forget for an hour (or seven or eight minutes, or whatever) all the many things that drove you crazy, and drove you apart. DH was acting fabulous and you had temporary amnesia about the state of your marriage and you both went for it.
There's also the "Is this REALLY over?" factor.
If it was a one-and-done and you're sure of that, make sure he knows it too, and isn't thinking this means the two of you will get back together.
It happens. It's easy to forget for an hour (or seven or eight minutes, or whatever) all the many things that drove you crazy, and drove you apart. DH was acting fabulous and you had temporary amnesia about the state of your marriage and you both went for it.
There's also the "Is this REALLY over?" factor.
If it was a one-and-done and you're sure of that, make sure he knows it too, and isn't thinking this means the two of you will get back together.
Honestly, I don't think I will really know that until I move out. I can't see anything clearly right now. I know that I love him and I wish more than anything our marriage could/work, but he hasn't taken me seriously. I feel like the only thing left to do is leave. If I look at the facts
1. Initial condition to work on the marriage was if he set up counseling for us (he didn't)
2. I set up counseling (he didn't go)
3. Sex stopped
4. He took $8000 out of the account and moved it to his without telling me (He claims he though I was going to spend it, he did end up paying bills with it though)
5. He stopped sleeping in the bed with me by choice
6. He made other appointments instead of counseling
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Now...he claims he loves me and he has made a counseling appointment to help him with his commitment issues and we had a great day yesterday and had sex. He thinks because of that he can work on changing my mind with his charm and giving nature. As much as I want to believe him, I have to look at the facts. That's what I told him.
He just looked so sad when I told him that. It kinda broke my heart a little. He said what am I going to do without you? I really felt for him, but the only thing I said was...you should've took me seriously.
The cause of, and solution to, most of life's problems
These beers taste like Ill be sleeping with you later
@anyrate...OP, after reading several of your response, I have a feeling that ending your marriage is going to be really really difficult for you both. Its always a bad idea to have 'one for the road' sex when trying to separate.
Neither one of us are alcoholics. I've never said that he had a drinking problem. We drink sometimes...recreationally, but its never been an issue.
I agree with you on the counseling appointment though
So sorry - I was confusing your post with someone else's. But yes, if you are trying to detach from someone then drinking is not a great way to do that. If you're just messing around, casting about for any reason to stay then keep going - this will prolong the agony.
Honestly, I don't think I will really know that until I move out. I can't see anything clearly right now. I know that I love him and I wish more than anything our marriage could/work, but he hasn't taken me seriously. I feel like the only thing left to do is leave. If I look at the facts
1. Initial condition to work on the marriage was if he set up counseling for us (he didn't)
2. I set up counseling (he didn't go)
3. Sex stopped
4. He took $8000 out of the account and moved it to his without telling me (He claims he though I was going to spend it, he did end up paying bills with it though)
5. He stopped sleeping in the bed with me by choice
6. He made other appointments instead of counseling
------------------------------------------------------------------
Now...he claims he loves me and he has made a counseling appointment to help him with his commitment issues and we had a great day yesterday and had sex. He thinks because of that he can work on changing my mind with his charm and giving nature. As much as I want to believe him, I have to look at the facts. That's what I told him.
He just looked so sad when I told him that. It kinda broke my heart a little. He said what am I going to do without you? I really felt for him, but the only thing I said was...you should've took me seriously.
That first step is the hardest. Move out, but count on him finding out where you live and him stopping by. Just dont drink with him anymore. It does kind of smooth out the bumps on the rocky road of marriage. Feelings change though when one of you see the other one out with some one else. Then even the beer wont heal those hurt feelings.
A great book named "Uncoupling" was written by Diane Vaughn in 1990. It still applies today and to this circumstance. I would get it, in the library, through a bookseller, or wherever you can find it. It remains a good read.
Keep straight to your plan and begin to create a life outside the marriage now. Good luck.
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