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That would be a long discussion. Let's put it down to having missed the starting gun. Puberty is when you are supposed to stop thinking girls are icky, and gain an interest in them. That is hard to happen, when they laugh at you. I had a problem with immaturity, yes. Hopefully long gone. But I think the keyword of what you said is "ups and downs". I feel that I have not really been through the ups yet. So, maybe that is why I am asking these questions at this age.
The fact that you think being nice is a liability shows that you are way immature
That would be a long discussion. Let's put it down to having missed the starting gun. Puberty is when you are supposed to stop thinking girls are icky, and gain an interest in them. That is hard to happen, when they laugh at you. I had a problem with immaturity, yes. Hopefully long gone. But I think the keyword of what you said is "ups and downs". I feel that I have not really been through the ups yet. So, maybe that is why I am asking these questions at this age.
Who hasn't experienced this stuff? Everyone feels awkward at puberty. The vast majority of people do not carry those insecurities into middle age. They mature and become emotionally intelligent and realistic about themselves. If they have trouble adjusting they seek help.
Can you accept that your issues are beyond the scope of average people on an Internet board and require professional intervention?
I am sure this is not the first inkling you have had that you require extra help. A diagnosis is the first step to getting it.
I have never been what you might call "Good with girls". My record is somewhere like 1-for-150 in attempts. And these have included cruel, mocking, dismissive and fake-interest-at-first rejections.
I realize I have to go out there and flirt. Only I feel that if I simply try and start a conversation, I'll be immediately rejected, because I don't know how to be natural, or confident.
I know how to be "nice". But being "nice" is a negative, as anyone who reads the Internet will see. I want to be able to appear confident. Maybe even cocky. Only, how can I do it? Is there a way to practice? How do I forget that my confidence is shot to bits? How do I avoid looking totally like a fish out of water?
Appreciate your comments. Thanks in advanc
Here's my advice. Just go out and meet people with no goal in mind, no preconceptions of where it may lead. Get comfortable talking about whatever interests you (art, the stock market, hot-rod cars, or gluten free food from whole-foods, it really doesn't matter).
I'm 48 and found myself divorced at 43. I was never good with the girls, so I had to learn this all over again. My sole goal for any date (Online Dating for me, BTW) was to get out of the house, meet someone, and have a nice 'adult' discussion about anything, or to learn about something new.
Not only did it boost my dating confidence, but I noticed huge differences in my professional life too. Just much easier to talk to people, and to be myself, and to attract those who might be attracted, and to gracefully not put much effort into those who would not. I made lots of new friends, and very few enemies. (Some of the girls I met never worked out, but I'm still friends with many of them, and now also three years into an exclusive relatinship).
Hope that helps, and good luck. Just get out there, be yourself, and enjoy meeting people. Forgetting about the goal of "meeting a girl" is the first and biggest step, IMO.
Not at all. But having and conveying are two different things, aren't they?
Only if you overthink it! Have you ever heard the expression "be yourself"? That is all you can do.
You would do well to put down the mirror and stop always trying to see yourself in the eyes of others. You are in danger of slipping into narcissism, and narcissists are the most self-loathing, insecure people out there. No one wants to be around them.
I have never been what you might call "Good with girls". My record is somewhere like 1-for-150 in attempts. And these have included cruel, mocking, dismissive and fake-interest-at-first rejections.
I realize I have to go out there and flirt. Only I feel that if I simply try and start a conversation, I'll be immediately rejected, because I don't know how to be natural, or confident.
I know how to be "nice". But being "nice" is a negative, as anyone who reads the Internet will see. I want to be able to appear confident. Maybe even cocky. Only, how can I do it? Is there a way to practice? How do I forget that my confidence is shot to bits? How do I avoid looking totally like a fish out of water?
Appreciate your comments. Thanks in advanc
Yes the best way to practise is by doing it on a platonic level with people you might see at work/gym etc and once you are enjoying being fluent with ladies with being nice, compliments and banter the confidence you will gain will be immense
Once you feel truly confident in that then the step up to being confident and being flirty/charming with women in a non platonic way will be much easier and will be more natural which will make all the difference I'm sure
Being cocky/cheeky is great and fun ( ) as long as it makes them laugh and KNOW your joking for example a few Friday's ago .... After work me and a few lads had a fancied a quick pint and as we approached the pub a group of girls were in an argument with another group of girls..... One was walking away and the other were at the doors of the pub....
So as we walked past the first group and were walking in I muttered " come on love no need for that .... I'm not THAT good looking! " to a stunner! LMAO....... Then mid screaming/sentence she burst out laughing as did the rest of her friends....
She's followed me in all the way to the bar and tried her hardest to keep a straight face and before she spoke I joked " oh as your here what ya drinking " .... And yep we are getting on very well now
The point is by having the right amount of confidence you can be as cheeky as you like without coming across as arrogant and stuck up as long as it makes them laugh .... Timing is everything
I PROMISE you the above will help you to build up to where you want to be mate
I definitely agree that I have been spending too much time at home. So this weekend I set myself up a program in the nearest large city (Manchester). Going to a museum exhibit, a craft beer festival, and a DJ set dedicated to a band I love (The Cramps).
Will try to avoid expectations, I'll settle for not being mocked for the time being. Besides, I'm no great dancer, so I'll do it for the music. At least, unlike other club nights I have attended, I am sure I'll enjoy that part this time.
Cheers.
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) as long as it makes them laugh and KNOW your joking for example a few Friday's ago .... After work me and a few lads had a fancied a quick pint and as we approached the pub a group of girls were in an argument with another group of girls..... One was walking away and the other were at the doors of the pub....
