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The past two years have been quite the experience. I finally accepted that I am bisexual/gay (sometimes not sure as I am sorting it out) and in the past weeks have come out to my friends and family. Sometimes it's scary and sometimes it feels amazing. But what is amazing, I am finally being true and honest to myself. I almost feel like a new person, and in a way, a better person.
I am pretty much considered "straight acting", was a jock in high school and college. When I came out to all of my friends last week, all of them were actually shocked and had not idea. Heck, I was shocked that they were shocked! Part of my battle is that I am not a big fan of "gay culture" and I never fit into the LGBT community, and fit more into the "straight world". So I feared not fitting into the one that I naturally belonged to and being shunned from the one that I feel most comfortable in.
For a time I even (some might remember when I posted a thread on it) had a friend, where we met on a gay app and never did anything, who is closeted and married with kids. He cheats on his wife with men, she knows, and they are miserable a good chunk of the time. I thought I loved him, but I realized it wasn't him, but that I was in love with the idea that there was someone that I could relate to in that situation sans the married and kids part. He would always say, "I just want to have friends where we are all closeted and we hang out and no ones our secrets." I then would look at his whole situation from afar, and would say "What's the point?" There were no winners in that situation, not him, not his wife, not his kids. And I didn't want to be that. Last summer I actually was ready to come out, but then it was also discovered that my stepmom was a lesbian and she had been cheating. My dad and her had to go through a rough divorce. It made me realize even more that denying that part of me, didn't do anyone any good. And again I thought to myself, what's the point of hiding? If we were in Saudi Arabia I could understand, but most people here don't care anymore.
So looking at my friend's situation, and then my stepmom's it made me realize I don't want to be like that. I want to be me. That if I date a woman from the beginning I let her know about my sexuality, and if it's something she is not comfortable with, it's a bummer that I would lose her, but at least I am being honest with her. The experience of coming out has been a great one. Not caring, hiding, or being anxious of what others think. To be completely and absolutely free, this is something I have never felt before.
For others going through a similar situation I know it's not easy, and sometimes friends and family are not as supportive. But it's worth it. You will truly find yourself and the ability to live so free. Actually it's nice to know what it FINALLY feels like to be truly free.
Last edited by UrbanCheetah; 07-18-2016 at 01:31 PM..
I started this thread too, to share with people my story, and would love to hear from others who have similar experiences. Doesn't have to be a gay/bi story, maybe you were denying someone because your family was racist, or something like that.
My son looks as straight as straight can be. He announced that he was bi the other day. I was like, yah? So? Be whatever you are. My daughter asked me what I would think (very hedgy) IF she were lesbian. I said I would not THINK anything. I would love you forever and nothing you could BE could ever make me stop liking you.
I am not going to add to any stress by rejecting them! They are my children!
The past two years have been quite the experience. I finally accepted that I am bisexual/gay (sometimes not sure as I am sorting it out) and in the past weeks have come out to my friends and family. Sometimes it's scary and sometimes it feels amazing. But what is amazing, I am finally being true and honest to myself. I almost feel like a new person, and in a way, a better person.
I am pretty much considered "straight acting", was a jock in high school and college. When I came out to all of my friends last week, all of them were actually shocked and had not idea. Heck, I was shocked that they were shocked! Part of my battle is that I am not a big fan of "gay culture" and I never fit into the LGBT community, and fit more into the "straight world". So I feared not fitting into the one that I naturally belonged to and being shunned from the one that I feel most comfortable in.
For a time I even (some might remember when I posted a thread on it) had a friend, where we met on a gay app and never did anything, who is closeted and married with kids. He cheats on his wife with men, she knows, and they are miserable a good chunk of the time. I thought I loved him, but I realized it wasn't him, but that I was in love with the idea that there was someone that I could relate to in that situation sans the married and kids part. He would always say, "I just want to have friends where we are all closeted and we hang out and no ones our secrets." I then would look at his whole situation from afar, and would say "What's the point?" There were no winners in that situation, not him, not his wife, not his kids. And I didn't want to be that. Last summer I actually was ready to come out, but then it was also discovered that my stepmom was a lesbian and she had been cheating. My dad and her had to go through a rough divorce. It made me realize even more that denying that part of me, didn't do anyone any good. And again I thought to myself, what's the point of hiding? If we were in Saudi Arabia I could understand, but most people here don't care anymore.
So looking at my friend's situation, and then my stepmom's it made me realize I don't want to be like that. I want to be me. That if I date a woman from the beginning I let her know about my sexuality, and if it's something she is not comfortable with, it's a bummer that I would lose her, but at least I am being honest with her. The experience of coming out has been a great one. Not caring, hiding, or being anxious of what others think. To be completely and absolutely free, this is something I have never felt before.
For others going through a similar situation I know it's not easy, and sometimes friends and family are not as supportive. But it's worth it. You will truly find yourself and the ability to live so free. Actually it's nice to know what it FINALLY feels like to be truly free.
good for you!
No one should live a life, pretending they are something they are not.
My son looks as straight as straight can be. He announced that he was bi the other day. I was like, yah? So? Be whatever you are. My daughter asked me what I would think (very hedgy) IF she were lesbian. I said I would not THINK anything. I would love you forever and nothing you could BE could ever make me stop liking you.
I am not going to add to any stress by rejecting them! They are my children!
That's great, and I am sure that helped him feel so much better about his decision. This week I am telling my parents, and that will be a wrap in regards to people I am closest too.
My mom, I know she will be much like you and supportive. My dad it's a funky situation. My father was married to my stepmother for 12 years and they have a daughter. Last summer, my dad had suspected that my stepmom was cheating on him. He then discovered that she was, and with a woman. The divorce was very rough for him, so throughout that time, he actually held some animosity towards the LGBT community. He was always accepting of the community before but this incident made it personal for him. So he has struggled with it, but if anything positive came out of this, he began to understand my stepmom more and sexuality. He began to read books LGBT matters, which even though it delayed my coming out to almost a year, I feel it gave him the better knowledge and preparation to deal with my outing.
If you feel happy then I'm sure everyone else will be for ya
Yes, and thank you! I think it also makes one feel better, that all these people they love and care for you unconditionally. It reaffirms that they are special people you want to have in your life.
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