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Looking for some advice on how to handle a flirty friend. This friend is my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend. This girl is now my friend and i get along with her well. She also used to talk with my boyfriend right before we starting dating 3 years ago, but nothing ever happened. My brother-in-law told him to add her, a hot girl they went to day care with as kids. So he did. They never hung out just talked a lot over a couple of months getting to know each other. All this is what my boyfriend told me and I trust him. Now, she is happy with her boyfriend, and we go on double dates and i thought all was great. But her flirty personality is starting more and more to annoy me and jealous thoughts are arising just now. This girl is the type of person that is so nice with absolutely everyone to the point that she kisses ass and is especially flirty with guys. Her boyfriend has noticed this behavior before too on a couple of occasions so its not just me who notices. I am not jealous of her as a person or for what she has in life but more about the attention she gets from my boyfriend when she acts all naturally flirty. I think its because my man and I have been a little distant lately with house projects, work and life in general causing me to notice those moments more than before as I try and rekindle the romance in our relationship. I understand that these feelings are largely my problem. I am honestly not a jealous person in everyday life, very trusting of my boyfriend and not clingy (i like my independance too). My worry isn't that he will cheat on me at all. I am more worried about these thoughts of annoyance and jealousy getting stronger. And the more that the thought of their past talking comes to mind, the fact that i know he thinks she is attractive and doesn't notice her flirting, the more it upsets me. Already that I am trying to not let life get in between our relationship and romance, I feel like I have to try twice as hard to compete with her. I hate this feeling of being competitive and insecure because it is highly abnormal on my part.
Any advice on how to address/suppress these thoughts? How to deal with a naturally flirty/nice person?
But her flirty personality is starting more and more to annoy me and jealous thoughts are arising just now.
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Originally Posted by livsavage
I am not jealous of her as a person or for what she has in life but more about the attention she gets from my boyfriend when she acts all naturally flirty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by livsavage
I am honestly not a jealous person in everyday life, very trusting of my boyfriend and not clingy (i like my independance too).
Quote:
Originally Posted by livsavage
I am more worried about these thoughts of annoyance and jealousy getting stronger.
You are one confused person, and probably one that is not ready for a serious relationship quite yet.
I am not confused about being jealous. I fully own up to it. I specified that I am not normally a jealous person but am currently experiencing feelings of jealousy that I am not used to. I'm not confused about how I am feeling at all, but about how to deal with it. There is a difference.
PS: I can decide for myself whether I am ready for a serious relationship or not. Thanks.
Just don't care.
^Really. Your thoughts aren't worth dwelling to the point of seeking advice from people who have nothing better to do than lounge on CD hoping to read something juicy about other's lives. Who cares what this girl does? It's her life, and from what I read, it's not actually affecting you other than you being jealous of her. Maybe if you think about her that much, try being friends with her, and you'll see she really is just naturally friendly.
I have the same "problem" being too friendly, regardless of gender, and it's extremely hurtful(not really cause i don't care) when ladies think I'm a hussy for giving guys rides home when just last week i gave that same girl money because she couldn't afford to fix her serpentine belt that snapped. I laugh at everyone's jokes, and honestly, prefer to be around guys because the stigma doesn't happen. Like what you're feeling is what i can't stand and avoid. And i have a boyfriend and he doesn't care because he knows I'd rather play video games cursing like a sailor than go clubbing.
Ranted quite a bit, sorry. Botton line, see what she's REALLY about first before you dwell so much about what a "flirt" she is. Sometimes it really is just friendliness.
I will try not to think about it. I have got to know her and she is a nice person no doubt but like i said also very flirty. Smiling, talking and joking with my boyfriend: no problem. Its when she gets touchy feely during conversations, blushes alot and plays coy that I start to wonder where the "I'm just being nice" line is drawn. Again, I'm not bothered by people being nice, if only the world had more of it. But there is a difference between plain nice and flirting. Especially if I know she was once interested in my bf in the past even though nothing came of it.
Could you give an example of an actual interaction that took place and which bothered you? "Flirty behaviour" is a bit vague and it's difficult to give advise.
Sorry for the lack of detail. I kind of ranted what was on my mind quickly. On a few occasions, she got touchy while conversating with my boyfriend (other guys too). She gets really close and touches his arms or leans on him when she's laughing or joking around. She blushes around him a lot and acts very different around men than when its just us ladies. She plays coy and acts innocent. She loves male attention which i am wondering if its from a need of validation. She has told me that she has had self-confidence issues. She is a naturally nice person but also naturally flirty. Not only with my boyfriend, so its not an isolated case. It just makes me uncomfortable to watch her flirt with my man.
I feel bad for feeling reactive (uncomfortable and jealous) because that isn't normally me. I would never act on those feelings impulsively by showing jealousy, causing a scene or confronting angrily. That is not me at all. I like to think things through and had a hard time sorting my thoughts so I wrote a post on a forum for the first time in my life. I know she is a kind hearted person which makes me feel guilty for even questioning her kindness but its beyond just being friendly sometimes. She might not notice it, as it may come naturally to her. This is why I'm not sure how to deal with this.
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