Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For the past couple of weeks, I have been undergoing some sort of inner turmoil. I have been single for the past (almost) three years for various reasons (heartbreak healing, location changes, career focus ...). During these past years, I haven't been on a single date, haven't really been asked out and I don't really get men's attention anymore. No one comes up to me at all.
I take care of myself (work out daily, dress up, eat healthy ...) and try to be the best version of myself that I can be, but to be honest, my confidence has really sunk to a whole new low. I was fine for about a year or so, but it's really sunk in the past couple of months. I meet people all the time as I do volunteer work, go to the gym, go to various events (art gallery openings, sport events), take acting classes ... but I can't seem to get anyone's attention. There must be something wrong with me.
I tried online dating a few years back and that caused me the many heartaches I experienced, so I am not interested in that option at all.
Though I know I should not be focusing on this, I can't help but feel completely lost confidence-wise. As a 26-year-old woman, not even having a single prospect is fairly painful. It feels as though I'm not good enough for any man.
Instead of focusing on "getting someone's attention" why not talk to men you find attractive first?
This. It's quite common for women not to get noticed, with the exception of the ones that really stand out, the truly exceptional women. I think mothers, and the culture in general, do girls a big disservice in leading them to believe that all they have to do after puberty is exist, and some Prince Charming will notice them, and whisk them away. That's not how it works for most women.
Do you chat with people at the gallery show openings? Or do you do your viewing alone, expecting someone to "discover" you and initiate some banter? As you've found, the latter doesn't work. Keep circulating, like you're doing: volunteering, taking classes, and doing other group-oriented activities. If you drag around feeling like a reject, you won't get a good reaction even if you do start chatting with people. People react positively to outgoing, energetic personalities. Be patient, be engaging, and stay positive.
We had a thread here once, asking women how long they typically went between relationships, or how often they had relationships. Most of the respondents said that being single was the norm, and the exception was to find themselves in a relationship. They said it was years between the end of one and the beginning of another relationship; maybe 3-5 years. You're right on schedule. Even if someone does notice you and strike up a conversation, there's no guarantee that you'll find that person interesting. You need to go out and find your interesting/compatible person yourself, instead of waiting for random people to approach you, and hoping that one of them will magically be a good fit.
When I saw your thread title, I assumed it was a guy posting. For men, 3 years is an eternity. For many women, it's normal. They're used to being in single mode.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-31-2016 at 12:15 PM..
That's my problem. Because my confidence is shrinking, I am much more reserved. I am fun to be around and I always crack jokes, but I'm not the kind of person who looks overly approachable. I look rather "quiet", when I'm not really though I can be in certain instances. I find myself becoming more and more shy and feeling quite small due to this loss of confidence.
That's my problem. Because my confidence is shrinking, I am much more reserved. I fun to be around and I always crack jokes, but I'm not the kind of person who looks overly approachable. I look rather "quiet", when I'm not really though I can be in certain instances. I find myself becoming more and more shy and feeling quite small due to this loss of confidence.
It's because you're telling yourself that you're some kind of failure or undesirable. Your mind is sabotaging your confidence. Stop beating yourself up, and enjoy life, enjoy your activities for their own sake. You don't need a man's attention for validation that you're a valuable person. If you're not convinced of your own self-worth, see a counselor to find out why that is.
For the past couple of weeks, I have been undergoing some sort of inner turmoil. I have been single for the past (almost) three years for various reasons (heartbreak healing, location changes, career focus ...). During these past years, I haven't been on a single date, haven't really been asked out and I don't really get men's attention anymore. No one comes up to me at all.
I take care of myself (work out daily, dress up, eat healthy ...) and try to be the best version of myself that I can be, but to be honest, my confidence has really sunk to a whole new low. I was fine for about a year or so, but it's really sunk in the past couple of months. I meet people all the time as I do volunteer work, go to the gym, go to various events (art gallery openings, sport events), take acting classes ... but I can't seem to get anyone's attention. There must be something wrong with me.
I tried online dating a few years back and that caused me the many heartaches I experienced, so I am not interested in that option at all.
Though I know I should not be focusing on this, I can't help but feel completely lost confidence-wise. As a 26-year-old woman, not even having a single prospect is fairly painful. It feels as though I'm not good enough for any man.
How to overcome this loss of confidence?
Since you're actually going out, socializing, and meeting people it sounds like you're on the right track. I do understand that it can be frustrating not to have any prospects. I only ever meet guys online but I know you said you're done with that.
That's my problem. Because my confidence is shrinking, I am much more reserved. I am fun to be around and I always crack jokes, but I'm not the kind of person who looks overly approachable. I look rather "quiet", when I'm not really though I can be in certain instances. I find myself becoming more and more shy and feeling quite small due to this loss of confidence.
Here is a serious exercise even though it sounds ridiculous. Go practice smiling in a mirror. Do it many times per day. Get it to become a reflex habit so that it becomes the norm wherever you go.
This is probably one of the top 3, simple "tricks" to put out a warm attitude to someone without words. If it's a habit, then you are ahead....
Sorry, but there must be something wrong with you, at least according to some of the guys who post here. According to them, it's almost impossible for a woman not to be approached multiple times every day.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
