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Hi, this is my first time on this forum and I was hoping to get advice, because I don't know how to handle my current situation. I will try to make the long story short. I really appreciate it if you don't go off bashing me off or telling me I just need help and a bit of support so I do thank anyone who responds.
Long story short. I met a man off an dating site that lives in a different country. We are both middle eastern so we are basically from the same culture. When we started getting to know each other we felt good about each other for he first time and how both of us were happy that we met one another. He had a whole lot of time at that time and he wasn't that busy with his job. So we basically talked, texted, video chatted everyday.
I stepped up a month after telling him how I felt about him. But the feeling wasn't mutual, so I decided to give him more time and our friendship time for it to develop on it's own, but as months went by as it was getting hard for me I did tell him my feelings for him were getting stronger but he always brushed it off. This went of for a couple of months.
It was hard for me being in this friendship with him but I feel hard for him. And still nothing from his side. As a couple of months went by he would pull the dis-appearing act with me and comes back when ever he wants then he would reappear again in my life and I didn't think much of it. He became busy with his job so I tried to be understanding enough and let him be. His disapperaing act continued for a year. He was always on/off with me a lot and I was getting fed up with with. He once dissapared on me for 2 months comes back as if nothing ever happened.
And I did move on once and gotten into a new relationship because I thought he wasn't serious my previous relationship only lasted for a month.
And we weren't talking at that time because he always done this vanishing act with me. And we weren't talking at that time. After my relationship ended we've always find away back to each other. I'm 36 he's 47. As soon as I come and get closer to him he always dissappears on the worst time and takes off for week a month or 2.
What his problem is I don't know. He said he was unstable in his life I just didn't know to what extent. I had gotten so fed up with him because I felt like we were wasting time for nothing and told him in the beginning of summer that he knows how I feel about him and that I love him and if he does not feel the same way then let's go our own seperate ways. I told him I'd give him a couple of days to think about things and let me know. 2-3 day's later he calls me up tells me he has feelings for me, loves, me likes me and think we are a perfect match for one another.
he has hinted about wanting to have future plans with me but never actually get into a real conversation about it. And this isn't something that I want to talk over the phone or text about and would rather have this type of talk face to face once I see him. I suffer from depression and didn't tell him when we started to get to know each other because I had so many reason's and to why I didn't want too. I couldn't get through to him he wasn't taking my phone calls he wasn't answering my texts I was on a verge of a break-down I told him in an the email this is what I suffer from I need a month away from him and I will explain things to him later when thing's have calmed down with me.
He seemed careless, heart-less not the man I once knew when we first started getting to know each other, I started noticing that instead of him making any effort to call me or text me I was dong it more myself than him. And this is a man that told me he's not looking for fun with me. I have trust issue's. I was hospitalized for 2 days for having a nervous break-down, horrible anxiety attack, with 2 weeks out outpatient therapy I've been through hell with him. After I came out of the hospital I emailed him one last time asking him where we stand, nothing, then I got pissed off saying your nothing but a user, that his intentions was never good, that he lead me on thinking something was there, that he played me for a fool, that he never cared and so much more.
I found out that he went back on the same dating site where I met him on and became a full member I was horrified that how he moved on that fast without a heads up. And that he dropped me like a cold turkey. I was making plans to go and visit him at his home country and I honestly didn't mind doing that. When I was making plans he turns around and tells me something really childish and something stupid and I said forget it. It took me a month and a half to recover from everything and till this point I still am. But this is not fair with the way he treated me because no one ever deserves to go through something like this. You tell a person you have feelings for them and love them and this is the way you leave things. I honestly was shocked to my very core. Why, would you tell someone that and drop them like cold turkey and turn you back away from them ?
I don't know what I did wrong. I honestly don't. We have not spoken in 1 month and 19 day's and if he were to come back around I honestly wouldn't know how to handle it. My folks do know I am talking to someone they don't know the recent problems I have with this man. And that it has gotten this far. I don't know why I'm even protecting him. I know I shouldn't. I guess what I'm asking for is some sort of advice if he ever does comes back what should I do but he has done it once to many times. Thanks to anyone who's reading.
Thanks for replying. I get with what your saying. Then why do I think I've done something wrong? I always think it's me. I'm not counting the day's. Really am not, the problem is every time I move on he always show's back up. That's my main problem with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert20170
It's not you, it's him. Stop counting days and move on forever. You need this man out of your life for your own sake.
He has many women in his life. Your are only one of many. That's why he disappears. He only comes back to interact with you when he is bored or the things with other women are not working out.
Why should he invest any more with you? You are simply an online diversion for him. He has other real life options going on with women.
As the great philosopher Oprah once said, "when people show you who they are, believe them." This is a person who has made it abundantly clear that he's unreliable and he doesn't want what you want out of your relationship. He shows back up when his Plan A doesn't work out because he knows you'll pay attention to him. The only thing you've done wrong is to not delete his contact info and to keep him on the hook. Throw him back.
I honestly do not know what to believe anymore. All I know is I'm having a hard time coping with this and moving on from it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
He has many women in his life. Your are only one of many. That's why he disappears. He only comes back to interact with you when he is bored or the things with other women are not working out.
Why should he invest any more with you? You are simply an online diversion for him. He has other real life options going on with women.
Yea, and I mentioned to him in an email once that I feel like I'm his last option in everything and thinks that I'm always around and that its okay with him to go as he comes and comes back when ever he wants. Again, I told him in an email once that I hope you know how it feels like now when someone keeps telling you they want nothing to do with you anymore and gave him a taste of his own medicine. If he doesn't know what he want's then he should had been honest with me and told me to get out of his life and would had done that. I would had but not string me along for a year. And has 1 da....... nerve to tell me he has feelings for me and loves me. Really, what type of love is this ? I knew he was lying and told me what I wanted to hear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
As the great philosopher Oprah once said, "when people show you who they are, believe them." This is a person who has made it abundantly clear that he's unreliable and he doesn't want what you want out of your relationship. He shows back up when his Plan A doesn't work out because he knows you'll pay attention to him. The only thing you've done wrong is to not delete his contact info and to keep him on the hook. Throw him back.
Yea, and I mentioned to him in an email once that I feel like I'm his last option in everything and thinks that I'm always around and that its okay with him to go as he comes and comes back when ever he wants. Again, I told him in an email once that I hope you know how it feels like now when someone keeps telling you they want nothing to do with you anymore and gave him a taste of his own medicine. If he doesn't know what he want's then he should had been honest with me and told me to get out of his life and would had done that. I would had but not string me along for a year. And has 1 da....... nerve to tell me he has feelings for me and loves me. Really, what type of love is this ? I knew he was lying and told me what I wanted to hear.
You set yourself up for failure when you get emotionally invested with someone you have never even met in person and who lives in a completely different country.
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