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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,041,955 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strandedx02
I guess I don't get why people jumped all over somebodynew's post in a negative way. It was just a suggestion about how to arrange your free time/social life. Nothing she said implied that things would be effortless in any sense. In the sailing club example that she gave, joining a club vs. sailing as a solitary hobby requires effort, as does staying for the post-race social event instead of going home immediately after the race is over. Actually forming a relationship with the person you met at the party takes plenty of effort as well.
She attacked people for being whiny, and desperate, and that they must have a void if they want to find soemone to date. Then called using OLD trolling for dates. Then implied (heck, stated) that if you're a good person, and interesting, and live a full life with friends and activities, that finding people will just happen. That just is not true, unless you're very lucky.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strandedx02
The point was more about following one's passions and interests to a greater extent, rather than making the pursuit of a relationship the main (or only) goal of one's free time. We see examples on this board all the time of people who do just that.
And this is her false dichotomy. Not one said that one should make finding a relationship the top priority. No one said not to pursue one's interests. It isn't like people can't do so, and also meet people from OLD. She has this whack idea that using OLD is just about using a checklist, and if a person fits on a demographic, then you date them, chemistry be damned. That isn't how it works.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strandedx02
And having this one thing consume your thoughts and determine your actions makes you a less interesting person (I think that's where she was trying to go with the "people who can't get dates aren't interesting" thing). Someone whose "hobby" is trying to find a date isn't going to have much of a way of connecting with anyone they actually do go out with.
Perhaps, but this is not what she said. Cause and effect. She said if you're not getting dates, you aren't interesting. Which is very different from people that are just looking for dates, aren't interesting.
Last edited by timberline742; 11-25-2016 at 10:59 AM..
Have done mostly well. Win some-lose some and like anything in life you have to put the effort out there , take risks and have the attitude to succeed. That, in my opinion can't be articulated to someone who isn't "there" if you will. In my experience, I've had to do 99.9% of the very first effort (for the type I'm attracted to)....and granted, the lady in question has often cleared a path....after my first shot. So, I echo what Timber is explaining.
The rigid assumtions on this forum about OLD, over 40, blah-blah.....are entertaining. Probably much like assumtions made about suggestions.
One of several reasons I quit posting in this subforum. It seems like not a day can go by where someone isn't making some new negative post about OLD. As far as Somebodynew's posts, I actually agree with a lot of it. I do think it's easy to go overboard to the point where you make yourself look needy, and that is never an attractive trait in any potential partner. However, the whole "trolling the internet" comment was totally unnecessary and added nothing. I've had great success using OLD, and similar to Timberline, joining activity clubs never worked for me. I'm an avid hiker, I've been to most national parks and can honestly say I never got a number. A lot of people in these groups in my experience were with someone or 15 to 20 years older than me. The bottom line is people should just do what works for them. There is no right or wrong way, other than just locking yourself in your home and never doing anything.
So he DID make things happen. I was right. It just didn't happen, someone made it happen. My last LTR I wasn't looking to meet anyone, we ran into each other (she was out with friends) and we hit it off, things just happened. Nevertheless, we had to MAKE things happen. If no one tried to make something happen, it wouldn't have happened.
.
You're agreeing with her again. In her examples, the woman gave the guy her number. That was the extent of "making things happen". But they met by chance, pretty much out of the blue in both examples. In a couple of your examples, the guy asks for a number, after a spontaneous conversation and hitting it off. Both of you are talking about the same thing. You're just emphasizing different aspects of it.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-25-2016 at 11:19 AM..
One of several reasons I quit posting in this subforum. It seems like not a day can go by where someone isn't making some new negative post about OLD. As far as Somebodynew's posts, I actually agree with a lot of it. I do think it's easy to go overboard to the point where you make yourself look needy, and that is never an attractive trait in any potential partner. However, the whole "trolling the internet" comment was totally unnecessary and added nothing. I've had great success using OLD, and similar to Timberline, joining activity clubs never worked for me. I'm an avid hiker, I've been to most national parks and can honestly say I never got a number. A lot of people in these groups in my experience were with someone or 15 to 20 years older than me. The bottom line is people should just do what works for them. There is no right or wrong way, other than just locking yourself in your home and never doing anything.
Agreed, and very similar experiences here.
I don't disagree with all of her thoughts or posts across the board either. My point basically was "never assume". I think we both know what happens when we do. ;-)
I don't disagree with all of her thoughts or posts across the board either. My point basically was "never assume". I think we both know what happens when we do. ;-)
Peace- out.
I don't disagree with any of the thoughts except the idea of never using OLD. It was not available to use 3 decades ago. I didn't meet my first husband this way. If it were available I probably would have ended up with someone else, as I was using the first Mac model in the 80's at college where I met him, and he thought computers were dumb. Forming a negative judgement about those who do meet people this way just makes for an illogical debate.
My mother learned to drive with manual transmission, soon after automatic transmission became popular and in use for very obvious reasons. She had a car with a manual transmission. What if she went around giving people the impression they were using an inferior car if it was an automatic, they were lazy and needy and couldn't truly learn to drive with an automatic. She now doesn't drive a manual, because she tried automatic and made an informed choice.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,041,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
You're agreeing with her again. In her examples, the woman gave the guy her number. That was the extent of "making things happen". But they met by chance, pretty much out of the blue in both examples. In a couple of your examples, the guy asks for a number, after a spontaneous conversation and hitting it off. Both of you are talking about the same thing. You're just emphasizing different aspects of it.
I'm not agreeing with her. I made it happen. I had to take action for it to happen. It did not just happen.
And again, that was one time, out of how many years? I think that was the second person I dated that I met like that in almost 20 years.
Twenty years.
That is a sign of all things holy that this does not work for me. And I've met very very few people that, when in their 30s and 40s, met partners in any similar way. Also, it ended due to dealbreakers that would have been avoided with OLD. Another positive about OLD.
Last edited by timberline742; 11-25-2016 at 12:10 PM..
I don't disagree with any of the thoughts except the idea of never using OLD. It was not available to use 3 decades ago. I didn't meet my first husband this way. If it were available I probably would have ended up with someone else, as I was using the first Mac model in the 80's at college where I met him, and he thought computers were dumb. Forming a negative judgement about those who do meet people this way just makes for an illogical debate.
My mother learned to drive with manual transmission, soon after automatic transmission became popular and in use for very obvious reasons. She had a car with a manual transmission. What if she went around giving people the impression they were using an inferior car if it was an automatic, they were lazy and needy and couldn't truly learn to drive with an automatic. She now doesn't drive a manual, because she tried automatic and made an informed choice.
This is my feeling also. There is a certain segment here that not only think that OLD isn't right for them, but someone who is successful using it is somehow flawed because it's not a "traditional" way of meeting someone and go out of their way to make that point known. I personally have never tried meeting someone at a grocery store and/or gym, but it seems to work for others. If it works for them more power to them.
I'm not agreeing with her. I made it happen. I had to take action for it to happen. It did not just happen.
And again, that was one time, out of how many years? I think that was the second person I dated that I met like that in almost 20 years.
Twenty years.
That is a sign of all things holy that this does not work. Also, it ended due to dealbreakers that would have been avoided with OLD. Another positive about OLD.
There are several relationships I had in my twenties that I probably never would have even entered into using OLD.
Oh, me too! They ended up not being very healthy ones, and could have been avoided if OLD was used, but it wasn't available.
But dating in ones 20s is very different than dating in ones 40s.
But can that really be attributed to OLD versus not always making the best choices in your youth? Impulse control is the last part of the brain to develop and recent studies indicate that occurs around 25.
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Forming a negative judgement about those who do meet people this way just makes for an illogical debate. 
