Has the hook-up trend resulted in people not wanting girlfriends or boyfriends anymore? (advice, social)

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

But can that really be attributed to OLD versus not always making the best choices in your youth? Impulse control is the last part of the brain to develop and recent studies indicate that occurs around 25.

I think it is a bit of both. Certainly, its mostly due to being a kid.

BUT, without OLD, one is left to just first impressions and chemistry, and then the rest comes later... so you can be into it before you can even find out about the dealbreakers.

The other component is, like many 20 somethings, at shows, parties, whatever, almost every night, and meeting tons of people, it wasn't all that common to make that type of romantic connection. A person every year maybe, every couple of years? So, I, and many people, stuck with that person for a long time... trying to make it work when things did go bad. If OLD was there, if it was available, one could realize, why am I putting up with this crud, and just end it and go meet new people. I am 100% fully convinced that many 3 month relationships in one's late 30s, 40s, etc are far more successful and healthier than many 3 year relationships people had in their 20s.

[RbccL]

Originally Posted by david0966

There are several relationships I had in my twenties that I probably never would have even entered into using OLD.

I never worry about giving my number to a felon or anyone charged with domestic violence, either
Those are things they don't come right out and tell you after the sailing is over and they've got a funny story for everyone.

[slackercruster]

Originally Posted by overdrive1979

Seems to be is becoming a common trend amongst people from Europe and other western countries, I guess especially people younger than 45-years-old or so, but also some older people. From what I've seen around me, the younger they are, the more they like getting laid with casual uncommited casual relationships for their whole life because they don't believe in the institution of marriage.
However, still most people want to leave behind hook up way of life to get commited relationships, but looking for the hook-up culture as a motto forever is really becoming common since few years ago, though.

So, I'm not talking about Japanese young people suffering an asexuality syndrome, which is weird, but young people from other western countries who don't believe so much in commited relationships, marriage and so on.

Maybe there is a shift in cultural paradigm or something like that.
What dou you think?

Yes, I noticed it on the rise. They call them 'f...' buddies. I couldn't believe it, but one gal wanted to invite her 'f' buddy on a date to get serious and was trying to figure out how to get the nerve to do it. She was already 'doing it all' and wasn't comfortable asking a simple question.

[Butterflyfish]

I believe that the dating scene is very different now than it was even ten years ago when I was single. I imagine that it's much more difficult to meet people in "real life" now because, for one thing, people just don't make small talk with others as much as they used to. Everyone is staring into their phones which pretty much shuts out everyone around you.

Every date and relationship I've ever had happened "organically", meaning that I met my dates while out doing normal everyday things and a conversation(s) happened, then eventually a phone number was requested. It's hard to believe that some people view this as unusual, but it was pretty common for me.

I view OLD sort of like attending a party for singles. You show up, you asses the crowd and size people up. If someone catches your interest, or if you catch someone's interest, things go from there. Doesn't seem all that different to me than meeting someone at a party.

The "trolling" descriptor came across as unflattering, but it's not entirely inaccurate either. I mean, if you think about what the word means. Dating is a lot like fishing, you have to find the right fishing spots, use the right bait, throw out your lines and hope you to catch a nice fish.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Butterflyfish

Every date and relationship I've ever had happened "organically", meaning that I met my dates while out doing normal everyday things and a conversation(s) happened, then eventually a phone number was requested. It's hard to believe that some people view this as unusual, but it was pretty common for me.

It happens to young women, or women often. Most of my female friends get asked often, but there are a lot of dudes that are very aggressive. I've never, ever ever, once in my life, had a woman ask for my number (I have had women invite me over, but never just ask for my number). Over 25 years of dating, not once. Very few guys have this happen. Yet I don't find dating hard. Do I sometimes ask for numbers after meeting people out and about? Sure, they're married, involved, too young, too old, live too far away, and that's on the very rare times you actually feel that chemistry enough to want to ask for their number. I'm not going to ask for the sake of asking. I don't see the point and don't think like that. Something has to make me start thinking that way. OLD is just faaaar more efficient, and I get much better results, the best relationships, and most of the best friendships I've ever developed, were people I met on OLD.

I totally agree with you on the phone thing. Phones and headphones. People tune the world out.

[Butterflyfish]

Originally Posted by timberline742

It happens to young women, or women often. Most of my female friends get asked often, but there are a lot of dudes that are very aggressive. I've never, ever ever, once in my life, had a woman ask for my number (I have had women invite me over, but never just ask for my number). Over 25 years of dating, not once. Very few guys have this happen. Yet I don't find dating hard. Do I sometimes ask for numbers after meeting people out and about? Sure, they're married, involved, too young, too old, live too far away, and that's on the very rare times you actually feel that chemistry enough to want to ask for their number. I'm not going to ask for the sake of asking. I don't see the point and don't think like that. Something has to make me start thinking that way. OLD is just faaaar more efficient, and I get much better results, the best relationships, and most of the best friendships I've ever developed, were people I met on OLD.

I totally agree with you on the phone thing. Phones and headphones. People tune the world out.

That makes sense. All of my "organic" meetings and dates happened because the man made them happen. It may have seemed natural and effortless from my perspective, but that doesn't mean that it was easy and effortless from the man's perspective.

I never really appreciated how much anxiety some men have about asking a woman out until I came to CD. It's something I never really thought about and I took it for granted.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Butterflyfish

That makes sense. All of my "organic" meetings and dates happened because the man made them happen. It may have seemed natural and effortless from my perspective, but that doesn't mean that it was easy and effortless from the man's perspective.

I never really appreciated how much anxiety some men have about asking a woman out until I came to CD. It's something I never really thought about and I took it for granted.

Yeah, I have no anxiety about do it, not anymore. If I did, I would find that crippling. I just ask. But OLD makes it so much easier, I'm asked as much as I ask.

[Mr. Opinionated]

Its kind of hard to generalize about an entire country. Like how some other nations view the US as all white, or how others have been lead to believe that American people of color are inferior. So I doubt I could answer for how we all view "the hook-up". Some people prefer the FWB way, a 'fling', a (body)-call or etc. while others lean more towards conservative traditions.

[CGab]

Originally Posted by funymann

Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce! It happens!

How many people on CD are still married to their first mate? Exactly!

So to stick with the thread if you want to avoid all the pitfalls of a committed relationship then by all means just hang out with a friend who will have sex with you.

Most people can't even commit to purchasing a car nowadays! They would rather lease it and give it back in a couple years before things start breaking or wearing out. Hmmm, seems to be a trend here that bleeds into relationships too.

Oh, for the record I have been married for almost 20 years to my first and only wife if anyone is thinking how do I know. Yeah, I know.

I just had my 15 year wedding anniversary. Been together 17 years and have know each other 25. We have 2 children. Only marriage for the 2 of us. Got married at 27 years old. Of course we have our disagreements, but we are happily married.

[slackercruster]

Now, as fun as it is to have a harem, I'd prefer one true love.

They say for happiness you need

1) Someone to love.

2) Someone to love you.

3) Something to do.

4)Something to look forward to.

1&2 may be missing with the F buddy scene.

With the hook up scene, things may not work out for the older gal. She may have to go lesbi when old. Old guys like young girls. So if she is still trying to hook up when she gets to a certain age she may be out of luck. But...I'm just speculating. I prefer marriage.