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I met a guy recently. We seem to like each other a lot. We've only known each other for 3 weeks and saw each other like 5-6 times, so we obviously haven't talked about getting serious, being exclusive or anything else. Just hanging out and getting to know each other stage. He was telling me a lot about how much he likes me, making new year plans with me, we'd make out for hours before going home, he'd always plan the next date when we see each other and wanted to see me twice a week all the time. Texted every day
Suddenly he canceled one of the dates telling me that his close family member is at the hospital. I wrote a few words of support and tried to understand. He disappeared for almost a week. It felt bad, but i have figured he doesn't want to see me anymore and tried to move on. He suddenly messaged me again apologizing for being distant and telling me that family member has died. We talked a bit again. Now i haven't seen him in 2 weeks, he's been very distant and messages me like every 3-4 days. He is opening up a lot and tells me how this death hit him hard and how he is reevaluating his lifestyle now and doesn't know what he wants, thinking of moving somewhere etc. I have offered him lots of support and told him i'm there for him if he needs and suggested to hang out if he needs to talk. He hasn't planed to see me at all. He messages me every few days and tells me a lot about the stuff that's going on through his head. Sometimes i ask him something and he would take a day or 2 to respond. But he is the one who initates texts all the time.
So i'm trying to figure out if this is a normal reaction to a serious problem and i'm just being selfish or he is playing me and tries to disappear in a soft way. We've only seen each other a few times, so i understand that i'm not his best friend or girlfriend yet to be super opened about everything. But at the same time, text only takes a few seconds, and i think if you are interested in a girl you wouldn't take like 2 days to respond. Should i keep supporting or just let go?
I would be patient and wait it out. Maybe he doesn't feel close enough to you yet to start dumping his feelings on you. Just keep reinforcing that you're there for him if needed.
I met a guy recently. We seem to like each other a lot. We've only known each other for 3 weeks and saw each other like 5-6 times, so we obviously haven't talked about getting serious, being exclusive or anything else. Just hanging out and getting to know each other stage. He was telling me a lot about how much he likes me, making new year plans with me, we'd make out for hours before going home, he'd always plan the next date when we see each other and wanted to see me twice a week all the time. Texted every day
Suddenly he canceled one of the dates telling me that his close family member is at the hospital. I wrote a few words of support and tried to understand. He disappeared for almost a week. It felt bad, but i have figured he doesn't want to see me anymore and tried to move on. He suddenly messaged me again apologizing for being distant and telling me that family member has died. We talked a bit again. Now i haven't seen him in 2 weeks, he's been very distant and messages me like every 3-4 days. He is opening up a lot and tells me how this death hit him hard and how he is reevaluating his lifestyle now and doesn't know what he wants, thinking of moving somewhere etc. I have offered him lots of support and told him i'm there for him if he needs and suggested to hang out if he needs to talk. He hasn't planed to see me at all. He messages me every few days and tells me a lot about the stuff that's going on through his head. Sometimes i ask him something and he would take a day or 2 to respond. But he is the one who initates texts all the time.
So i'm trying to figure out if this is a normal reaction to a serious problem and i'm just being selfish or he is playing me and tries to disappear in a soft way. We've only seen each other a few times, so i understand that i'm not his best friend or girlfriend yet to be super opened about everything. But at the same time, text only takes a few seconds, and i think if you are interested in a girl you wouldn't take like 2 days to respond. Should i keep supporting or just let go?
Yep. Grieving. It might help you to process your own thoughts on his emotional loss by asking him politely how the family member died-- a death after a long bout with cancer is different than a death due to complications of a sudden event, like a stroke or heart attack.
(I'm a doctor.)
And this is not about you, you are not a problem to him in any way. A death of a close family member can hit a man hard in ways that are not seen in him in other stressful situations. Sometimes "distant" is really "closing down" emotionally to allow the grief felt to pass through. Also, there may have been a close, almost tangible, relationship with the family member that's impossible to replace.
Be kind in your interactions with him, the grief will pass.
You've known and dated him for less than a month - many people might still consider themselves "acquaintances" but for the tendency for physical stuff to increase the intimacy level (which it may or may not for some folks). That said, lots of guys don't really look to others for support and even so, you're so new in his life he might not even feel comfortable receiving "support" from you.
Are you exclusive yet? If not, then no reason to act as though you are - treat him as the friend he is meaning give him some space if that's what he wants - and date other guys in the meantime. No need for his issues to falsely up the status of your fledgling relationship - especially since HE'S not.
Disappearing into our mental and emotional "man cave" for a time is not unusual for us men in times of adversity or sorrow. I wouldn't take it personally and would be patient.
I met a guy recently. We seem to like each other a lot. We've only known each other for 3 weeks and saw each other like 5-6 times, so we obviously haven't talked about getting serious, being exclusive or anything else. Just hanging out and getting to know each other stage. He was telling me a lot about how much he likes me, making new year plans with me, we'd make out for hours before going home, he'd always plan the next date when we see each other and wanted to see me twice a week all the time. Texted every day
Suddenly he canceled one of the dates telling me that his close family member is at the hospital. I wrote a few words of support and tried to understand. He disappeared for almost a week. It felt bad, but i have figured he doesn't want to see me anymore and tried to move on. He suddenly messaged me again apologizing for being distant and telling me that family member has died. We talked a bit again. Now i haven't seen him in 2 weeks, he's been very distant and messages me like every 3-4 days. He is opening up a lot and tells me how this death hit him hard and how he is reevaluating his lifestyle now and doesn't know what he wants, thinking of moving somewhere etc. I have offered him lots of support and told him i'm there for him if he needs and suggested to hang out if he needs to talk. He hasn't planed to see me at all. He messages me every few days and tells me a lot about the stuff that's going on through his head. Sometimes i ask him something and he would take a day or 2 to respond. But he is the one who initates texts all the time.
So i'm trying to figure out if this is a normal reaction to a serious problem and i'm just being selfish or he is playing me and tries to disappear in a soft way. We've only seen each other a few times, so i understand that i'm not his best friend or girlfriend yet to be super opened about everything. But at the same time, text only takes a few seconds, and i think if you are interested in a girl you wouldn't take like 2 days to respond. Should i keep supporting or just let go?
What you describe takes a lot more than a few seconds. It sounds time-consuming. Why not suggest getting together for lunch or an afternoon over coffee so he can really share what he's going through? Tell him you're willing to lend him your ear, and offer support. It might help him to get it off his chest and to have a sounding board. If he declines, then you might take it as him not being that interested anymore, or at least not for now. It's possible that events have made him reorder his values and re-think his life and where he's going. He's also grieving, probably. Maybe he feels to topsy-turvy to reconnect in person.
So i'm trying to figure out if this is a normal reaction to a serious problem and i'm just being selfish
He's gone through something traumatic and he doesn't need anyone pressuring him.
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