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I really need advice on this and I want to make sure I'm not the one being too harsh and I would like an outside party's advice on this. I've been in a lesbian relationship with this girl for about 3 years now. I'll say that it's been kind of rocky. We have disagreements on certain things but one thing that I really don't like about her is her unwillingness to compromise. We've broken up and gotten back together a lot of the times. By this point the cycle has gotten old.
I know that I need to stop and let her go but there is always something that pulls me in. Most recently I got laid off from my job and I decided to continue to pursue the arts. She willingly agreed that she would help me with my dream and that she believes in me. Now I feel like she resents me for it because she doesn't make a lot of money and I'm making less money now that I am doing what I'm doing. We go grocery shopping (I should say I have for the past 2 weeks) and I had agreed to cook Monday through Friday for her to save money on meals. I usually end up cooking also saturday and sometimes sundays so that is realistically how things have been. However, I get tired of cooking and I have asked if she can pitch in sometimes and her response is that I am unemployed and doing nothing all day, why should she have to come home and cook?
I think that is reasonable but my main argument was for the weekend since I cook during the week. She refuses to cook during the weekend as well. We usually end up eating out. So on average I cook 6-7 days a week. She has continued to complain about the food being bad We got into an argument today because the food I cooked today was apparently nasty and I told her that I'm really sorry and that I'm trying. She said it isn't good enough. She then proceeded to break up with me and tell me that she doesn't deserve this and that she is unhappy in the relationship. At this point I'm tired of chasing her. I want to know am I wrong in this situation? Yes I do get tired of cooking and I don't consider myself a top notch chef. I cook for her to save money and so forth but at this point it's just getting really stressful.
It's not like I don't try because I do try my hardest and I feel like she is resenting me for a lot.
In another instance she said that she doesn't want to eat to much shrimp and salmon anymore. I said okay, well we could go veggie.. Then I also asked her what other options would she suggest? She got an attitude and then refused to give me options. I also asked if she'd like to go grocery shopping with me on Sunday so that we can pick it out together. She says "no I don't wanna go." Now this is where compromising comes into play. She complains about the food I buy yet she doesn't want to go with me to pick out suitable options for me to cook and for her to be happy. She wants me to figure it out and her reasoning for it is because she works a job she hates for ME Monday through Friday so make sure I have a roof over my head. Me asking her to come with me is me complaining in her eyes.
THere is a list of other things but the main point I want to ask is if I am being too harsh or is there something more I should be doing in the relationship? Oh I also forgot to mention she cheated on me a couple of months ago with a "friend" who she STILL talks to at the moment. But I guess we "broke up" for the 100th time so it's none of my business if she talks to her now. The point is that she said her sorry's blah blah but still converses with this person and tells me that the sex meant nothing and that she loves me. I know this is dysfunctional I just want to know am I in the wrong in any way?
Last edited by fdavis1188; 12-14-2016 at 01:34 PM..
Reason: clarity
Yep, sounds like you got used to being dependent on each other in some ways because you haven't been able to create better alternatives for yourselves than each other.
Food is obviously just a symptom of a bigger problem, she seems to have a lot of resentment towards you for not working so if you want to begin to fix your relationship you need to get a job or it's never going to work.
It sounds like your relationship has been broken for awhile though so realistically you working might help things in the short term but you're relationship is probably never going to work long term. Maybe it's time to move on. Life is too short to be with someone that makes you unhappy.
You don't need justification from other people to end the relationship for good. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, what matters is that you are obviously not happy in the relationship, and you know it's not a healthy relationship. That is justification enough.
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