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Bitey, I don't disagree with you. In fact, if we were to look at this completely gender-blind, you are right. I wish I didn't care. But I can't deny my feelings. Shamefully, I want to be treated like a princess and spoiled, why not?. Yet, I am not willing to go out with guys just because they can pay my bills. I like a lot about this guy, but I can't stop feeling resentful about the fact that he isn't trying harder.
I am pretty hard on myself, and i guess I judge people the same way. When I was married and my husband was making 2X what I was making, I was working three jobs because I felt guilty for letting him carry all the financial weight. When I go out with someone and they invited me, I always try to be modest and financially conscientious with what I order.
I don't have any opinion about your boyfriend, but you clearly have issues around money and self-worth.
I would not work THREE jobs and ruin my health from stress and not getting enough sleep just to keep up with a spouse. Furthermore, I would resent the spouse that condoned running myself ragged.
Unless your combined income was so low that you couldn't pay the bills otherwise, there is no reason to do such a thing. Some jobs pay more and your ex-husband was lucky to have one.
Essentially, you punished yourself, and you judge people who aren't gluttons for punishment like you are.
Sorry, anyone who earns a GI bill or any other military assistance for college didn't earn it by being lazy, coming from a USAF brat. He is a college student, NOT lazy. This is not a lazy guy OP is dealing with.
Agree. He is a FULL-TIME college student.
Now if he wants to get a job, experts say full-time college students should not work more than 20 hours a week. Any more than that and their grades usually take a hit.
Now if he wants to get a job, experts say full-time college students should not work more than 20 hours a week. Any more than that and their grades usually take a hit.
Well... Yes, full time student, who got Ds in two classes because he decided to sleep in than go to class in several instances. I dont expect straight As but it bothers me that he doesn't care about school as much as I think he should, considering school is the only thing he does now.
Perhaps everything really comes down to I have no right to expect anyone to be any particular way. I just get to know them well enough to decide if I should take it or leave it.
I would rather travel, go to concerts, go kayaking, skiing, hiking, camping, boating, zip lining and have actual experiences instead of sitting on the couch watching someone play a video game. It's just not compatible with my lifestyle.
The bolded is the problem. Why not pick up a controller yourself? Or do something else to entertain yourself? If your partner liked to paint or read, would you just sit there and stare at them painting or reading?
I like to do all the things in your list as well, other than stupid ziplining, but it's not like I'm out adventuring every day all day. I don't think anyone really is, unless it's their job. There are going to be days when you're busy or ill or the weather's bad, at the very least, and I don't see a huge difference between playing a video game in those cases versus any other quiet pastime around the house. Video games are at least (potentially) more interactive/social/creative than movies or TV.
Unless you're living together and footing the majority of the bills (or the like) you're not "the breadwinner." You're just a girlfriend with more money than your boyfriend.
He's successful ex-military, he's going to college, he'll probably be a cop, and he sounds like a good-natured guy. All of those are big pros to a lot of potential partners. If you aren't happy with him, you should really cut him loose so he has the chance to find someone who'll appreciate his virtues.
Perhaps everything really comes down to I have no right to expect anyone to be any particular way. I just get to know them well enough to decide if I should take it or leave it.
This.^^^
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Well... Yes, full time student, who got Ds in two classes because he decided to sleep in than go to class in several instances. I dont expect straight As but it bothers me that he doesn't care about school as much as I think he should, considering school is the only thing he does now.
Perhaps everything really comes down to I have no right to expect anyone to be any particular way. I just get to know them well enough to decide if I should take it or leave it.
Just because he WAS in the military doesn't mean he isn't being lazy now. Bolded equals laziness to me.
Well... Yes, full time student, who got Ds in two classes because he decided to sleep in than go to class in several instances. I dont expect straight As but it bothers me that he doesn't care about school as much as I think he should, considering school is the only thing he does now.
Perhaps everything really comes down to I have no right to expect anyone to be any particular way. I just get to know them well enough to decide if I should take it or leave it.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Yes, a full-time student not working their way through school, should not sleep in and get a D.
As you said, he is who he is. He will probably do okay in life, but never be as ambitious as you prefer.
If it already bothers you now, I wouldn't count on it not bothering you more later. You might be doing both of you a favor to end it. You can find what you really want, and he can find someone who accepts him.
OP, is this a guy that you are "just dating", or are you actually exclusive with him? Do you two live together? That may give us more insight to the whole situation. If he is a guy that you are just dating, what is stopping you from continuing to date others until you do find someone more compatible? It sounds as though this situation could easily in part be remedied by going on the more expensive excursions by yourself or with like-minded friends and sticking to the lower-cost activities with him. You two don't seem like you are at the point in a relationship where you would be worried about who is paying what share of housing and utilities, so I wouldn't call this a "breadwinner" situation. It sounds like you are so afraid of being alone that you are trying to fast-forward this relationship in your own mind. If you can cultivate varied interests in yourself and others outside of an exclusive relationship, you will never be lonely (which is what I suppose you really mean). Life can change quite a bit in just a year's time, not to mention fifty, and there are no guarantees, even if you were to meet the elusive Prince Charming. Not to sound morbid, but he could die. Give yourself and this guy half a chance, one day at a time. If it seems like the two of you are way too different ambition-wise, and it bothers you that much, by all means let him go. But, to me, I don't know, it just seems to early to tell.
When a man supports a women its because he wants to...and vise versa. But it's obviously bothering her and it would bother me to if i wasn't ok with it. Men want to act like little b*tches now and depend on females. That's embarrassing im sorry but it is..If I was a man I would feel humiliated if a woman supported me financially regardless of the situation
Women have depended on men for ages. Don't like fair turnabout huh?
My girl cheated on me. I'm the breadwinner. I've spent thousands on her and her siblings because I enjoyed doing those things for them because I could.
She couldn't pay the $400 for 2 tix to Rent. The $200 for dinner for her brother and girlfriend who graduated school this year not including the tip.
She's working on her education and I was hell bent on making sure she finished. So I allowed her to work p/t to focus on her studies. What did it get me? A young coworker who moved in while I was being "the man" that you hypocrite feminists whine about.
This is why more and more men aren't marrying. Or having kids.
I'm in my 30's. never married and no kids.
We are trying to work it out. I do love her.
However if you think marriage and kids is gonna be a thing, it'll be a long time to never after this.
I don't need an 18 year ball and chain (kids)
I don't need a woman either.
I can share my life with my nieces and spoil all of them or my friends and family and share my wealth with them.
You women need to get your heads on straight and think about the repercussions of your feminist actions.
Do I want all women to vote? Yes. Do I want all women to pursue their interests? Yes.
Wanna change the traditional roles at home? No.
I think it is messing up a lot of things in the household.
My girl is one of those brainwashed nuts.
Just recently she has come to realize that perhaps I'm right about the household.
Or she's playing me like a sucker until she cheats again.
Time will tell.
In the meantime, the house is clean, dinner is served, and she looks most beautiful for me when I get home.
Not terribly difficult.
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