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My wife and I have been together for almost 12 years and married for nearly 3 of them.
We lost our virginity to one another a few months after we hooked up in 2005, which is almost unheard of in this day and age.
Before we got together, we each had a couple of flings in our teenage years.
She was actually with another guy just a couple of weeks before she and I began dating. (They dated for a couple of months.) She tells me that it didn't work out because all the guy seemed to want was sex. Instead of a normal relationship consisting of dates to restaurants and movies, the guy just wanted to go to remote locations with her (e.g., the beach) and make out.
It seems that her agreeing to go with him to these places may have given him the wrong idea. Plus, she was making out with him after dating him for only a few weeks. She argues that she was young and inexperienced.
I'm thankful that things didn't escalate any more than they did. Let's face it: when two people engage in deep kissing, one thing can lead to another fast.
I feel so dumb for saying this, but every now and then it bothers me to know that my wife once shared hot and heavy moments with another guy. I know it's ludicrous. The past is the past. She's a different person now. And I should be grateful that she didn't make the huge mistake of losing her virginity to the guy right before getting with me.
It just surprises me that she would consent to going with a guy to a secluded spot and just make out. When she and I started dating, she seemed to try to take it slow -- and I'm guessing it might have had to do with the fact that she learned a lesson from that prior experience.
I know it's so silly to think about these things considering everything worked out. But maybe a part of me feels a little jealous/angry that some other guy got to fondle and kiss my wife before I did and came close to doing more. I know she wasn't my girlfriend at the time, but for whatever reason, it bothers me a little when I think about it. I've known her since the 6th grade (we later lost touch and reconnected on MySpace in 2005) and what she did with that guy was just out of character. It seems like something she probably regrets because she doesn't like talking about it. I always wonder what would have happened had I contacted her while she was still seeing the guy. Thankfully, the timing was just right.
Am I a complete idiot to think about this and feel upset sometimes? Have any of you experienced something similar with a partner's ex/dating history?
Wow if she only made out with another guy that is like 1% of sexual baggage all other people would experience with their partners. I think most people don't worry about it because it's not something they can control or change. Heck most people don't want to even know that type of stuff for this very reason.
Yes it's ridiculous that you're thinking about something insignificant that happened over 12 years ago. So what she kissed a guy before you, she didn't even have sex with him! Why do you care now, she's with you?
If I'm with someone I never think about their past sexual partners much less someone they just kissed. She didn't do anything wrong so let it go. She lost her virginity to you and that's still not good enough? She's your wife she loves you, she chose you. Get over it.
I don't think you'd ever be satisfied....a kiss on the cheek would be too much....a hug lasting more than 3 seconds...holding hands. It is truly unfortunate for your wife that you married under these circumstances and after all these years still haven't made peace with it. Either get therapy (for yourself) or consider setting your wife free.
I forgot to ask about your "past" - I'm assuming you're as pure as the driven snow? If not, did you 'fess up to her? Give her the opportunity to reject you? Please include any self-love or impure thoughts.
Ok, yeah, it's dumb - cognitively - to feel jealous over something she did before she met you.
But these feelings are something you should pay attention to.
Usually it's your ego talking because your worst fears are surfacing, for some reason. You're scared of losing her? You feel insecure ... maybe she is comparing you? Either way, you're judging her, and you have to consider whether YOU would stand up to the same judgment.
Lots of people will say, "Dude, calm down. She chose you." But then your ego says, "Did she choose me, really? Or did she settle for me? Does she wish the other guy was still around?" etc.
That's why you need to take a long, hard look at these feelings and get to the source of why they are surfacing now.
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