23 and never been on a date (girl, college, friends, percentage)
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It really doesn't matter what he says. "Hi, I think you're hot, want to go on a date" is going to work just as well as conversation then ask for a date. I'd say it will work between 5-25% of the time.
And what would the girl think in that situation? That he's pretty much only interested in her body and looks.
He'd be very lucky if even 1 woman out of 100 responded favorably to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Runninglikethieves
I agree.
I mean, I wouldn't exactly say ''Hi! I think you're hot! What's your number?'' but I don't exactly find something to go up and start a conversation with either. I don't really think the conversation is gonna improve your odds by a whole hell of a lot. Especially if you think of some inauthentic topic or conversation starter to get things moving along.
And there's nothing wrong with asking out a girl because you think she's hot, nothing at all wrong with that. Because you don't really know anything about her when you meet her and that's okay. You ask someone out to get to know them, not get to know them to ask them out.
The last girl I dated through a cold approach, I just walked up to her when she was on her break at work and said ''I think you're absolutely amazing and you've really caught my eye, what's your name?'' She smiled from ear to ear and said ''I'm Kayla! And you are?'' and I told her my name and she snatched my phone out of my hand and put her number in there for me. I told her that I had to run, but I'd love to chat at a later time. Called her two or three days later and set up a date. We dated for 2.5 months or so, never actually in a relationship, which was my doing. I even met another girl because of her, who was the greatest partner I've ever had sexually. If not for that cold approach, I would have missed out on quite a few experiences.
Just like all the experiences I missed out on in my late 20's, when I wouldn't cold approach, hot approach, mild approach or any approach at all.
See, that's way different than what dysgenic has said to say. I agree with something like that . Though I'm not sure I would have said that's she absolutely amazing. How does she know that I know she's absolutely amazing?
But it seemed she enjoyed hearing that
But generally, I do approaches like that sometimes when I'm out. I generally prefer to think of a topic to say, but what you said isn't bad.
And the reason I prefer making at least some conversation is because I want to test how her convo skills are. I may find her attractive/hot, but how do I know if she can converse? That's something I look at seriously.
I recall reading about an experiment some sociologists did where they got professional actors (of both sexes) to cold approach men and women in different public settings. Most of the women were successful getting the men they approached to respond to them. None of the male actors were successful with any of the women they approached.
If you want to accurately measure the percent of women that might respond to that kind of approach you need to forget about numbers like 100. 5% is five in every hundred.... uh... no! Maybe 5 in 1000. And it is a safe bet that all five would be on the spectrum of something economic or mental. But online?! OMG! Online?!
People kill me. Online (as in a bar) women that are there are there to be approached! Duh. What could be wrong with that? Too easy? Hardly. And why should things be difficult? Life is hard enough, do we really have to create challenges and difficulty where there doesn't need to be any?
Last edited by Leisesturm; 03-16-2017 at 11:54 PM..
And what would the girl think in that situation? That he's pretty much only interested in her body and looks.
He'd be very lucky if even 1 woman out of 100 responded favorably to that.
See, that's way different than what dysgenic has said to say. I agree with something like that . Though I'm not sure I would have said that's she absolutely amazing. How does she know that I know she's absolutely amazing?
But it seemed she enjoyed hearing that
But generally, I do approaches like that sometimes when I'm out. I generally prefer to think of a topic to say, but what you said isn't bad.
And the reason I prefer making at least some conversation is because I want to test how her convo skills are. I may find her attractive/hot, but how do I know if she can converse? That's something I look at seriously.
When I said ''Absolutely amazing'', I honestly don't even remember if I said ''You caught my eye and I find you absolutely amazing'' to let her know that I meant her looks were amazing, rather than anything else, because I really knew nothing else about her at this point. I assume when I say that to a stranger that they know I mean the way they look, not that they're an amazing person or something. I mean, they may be amazing people, but I know nothing about them. Which is okay, because you date or try to date someone to get to know them. Not get to know them so that you can date them. If you must get to know someone in order to date them, I feel like we're venturing into that territory of ''You need to be friends with someone first before a relationship'' which was a topic I got tired of having to deconstruct the last time we had a thread about that.
I think it's more than okay to let a girl that you don't know that you're interested in her body and looks, because you really don't know anything else about her if you just met her. And that's why you would like to date her, to find out more about her. It's the looks that attract initially. You shouldn't be expected to know enough about a girl just to ask her out. Hell, I've asked out girls before and found out they were lesbians and not even into guys at all. Or I've asked them out and they had a boyfriend or maybe they lied about having one, just so they could reject me. I don't even care and I stopped caring at one point. It would have terrified me to read a thread like this at 28 or 29, where people (not you but others in here) are implying that it's not okay to ask out girls in public that you've never seen before or out at a park or whatever or wherever you happen to be. What if you don't know anyone? And then what if all you know are co-workers or something? Then the robotic ''Don't date co-workers'' cult like messages will start appearing in every other post. If you're 23 like the OP, you might not be in school anymore, you might not know many women other than your friends or the ones you've known forever, who might not be interested in dating you. Especially if you move to a new place.
And when I say it's a numbers game, I mean that you have to get through the No's to get to the Yes's, and sometimes that involves asking out maybe 5-10, maybe 15 girls. Sometimes you get lucky and you might get a yes on your second or third try or maybe even your first. If someone is gonna advise the OP to not ask out a number of girls or to not ask them out at this place or that place because it isn't appropriate, you're pretty much asking him to put himself in dating abstinence, so to speak. I'm sorry for the long winded post, as I feel this might get overlooked unfortunately. What I'm not sorry for are my opinions on the matter. If the OP can't get dates, he needs to start asking out more girls. And he shouldn't listen to anybody that tells him that it's not okay to ask a girl out at the store, or the diner, or the public transit bus or at the park, zoo, etc. Or that asking out a volume of girls isn't the way to go, because it's basically asking him to give up if he's only asked a few out and has gotten nowhere.
I recall reading about an experiment some sociologists did where they got professional actors (of both sexes) to cold approach men and women in different public settings. Most of the women were successful getting the men they approached to respond to them. None of the male actors were successful with any of the women they approached.
If you want to accurately measure the percent of women that might respond to that kind of approach you need to forget about numbers like 100. 5% is five in every hundred.... uh... no! Maybe 5 in 1000. And it is a safe bet that all five would be on the spectrum of something economic or mental. But online?! OMG! Online?!
People kill me. Online (as in a bar) women that are there are there to be approached! Duh. What could be wrong with that? Too easy? Hardly. And why should things be difficult? Life is hard enough, do we really have to create challenges and difficulty where there doesn't need to be any?
Umm, what? I don't understand this at all.
I've read it 3 or 4 times and am not following. Are you telling the OP he should only be asking out girls online? I had a 5 year relationship come out of ''Online'' dating, as well as a few other dates. The only thing was that this wasn't on a dating site. If I were single now, I'd probably give online dating another shot. I'm not an opponent of it, I'm generally a proponent of it. The problem with online dating though for me personally is that there's so many men on there, and a smaller amount of women. And these women are sometimes bombarded with 10 messages a day, maybe even more. I also like meeting women in person, I feel like I can talk and gauge a woman's interest much more in person than over text on a screen. I'm not knocking internet dating, this is just what worked for ME. Maybe it doesn't work for you or the OP or many of the other people in this thread.
Cold approaches have worked for me. Hell, the girl I was in the 5 year relationship with was essentially a ''Cold approach''. As I had never seen her before, until I reached out to her on social media and on a non-dating site at that. I wouldn't necessarily call it a cold approach if it were on a dating website.
Now, what exactly constitutes a cold approach, that's debatable. If I frequent an establishment a few times and then ask the girl out after a few encounters, does this count as a cold approach? I'm counting it as one, but maybe it's not. Maybe a cold approach would be more or less walking up to a woman in a park, who I've never seen before and asking her out.
I think you're doing a great disservice to people by telling people that if they see a random girl out somewhere, don't approach her. Just go online for dating and that's it! That's all that's acceptable in this world!
I've read it 3 or 4 times and am not following. Are you telling the OP he should only be asking out girls online? I had a 5 year relationship come out of ''Online'' dating, as well as a few other dates. The only thing was that this wasn't on a dating site. If I were single now, I'd probably give online dating another shot. I'm not an opponent of it, I'm generally a proponent of it. The problem with online dating though for me personally is that there's so many men on there, and a smaller amount of women. And these women are sometimes bombarded with 10 messages a day, maybe even more. I also like meeting women in person, I feel like I can talk and gauge a woman's interest much more in person than over text on a screen. I'm not knocking internet dating, this is just what worked for ME. Maybe it doesn't work for you or the OP or many of the other people in this thread.
Cold approaches have worked for me. Hell, the girl I was in the 5 year relationship with was essentially a ''Cold approach''. As I had never seen her before, until I reached out to her on social media and on a non-dating site at that. I wouldn't necessarily call it a cold approach if it were on a dating website.
Now, what exactly constitutes a cold approach, that's debatable. If I frequent an establishment a few times and then ask the girl out after a few encounters, does this count as a cold approach? I'm counting it as one, but maybe it's not. Maybe a cold approach would be more or less walking up to a woman in a park, who I've never seen before and asking her out.
I think you're doing a great disservice to people by telling people that if they see a random girl out somewhere, don't approach her. Just go online for dating and that's it! That's all that's acceptable in this world!
For the paragraph in bold, I don't consider the former a cold approach at all. That's because you're already familiar with the person and have talked with them a couple/few times. If anything, I'd consider that a warm approach, but definitely not cold. The latter? Yeah, that's a cold approach in my book.
For the former, I have no issue doing that, and have done it in the past.
I do agree with you on asking out a person whenever and wherever you want. This whole "you can't ask them out there or there" is BS, lol.
Also, in your previous post before this one, I think the whole "be friends first" argument is mainly about hanging out with them and going out to places for a while and talking. I don't think that argument applies to what I'm saying.
Also, I prefer making conversation first just to see how their convo skills are. One thing that's happened plenty of times in the past is that I may go up to a girl that's hot, but completely lacks social/convo skills, and that just kills my attraction right there, lol.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 03-17-2017 at 12:26 AM..
I recall reading about an experiment some sociologists did where they got professional actors (of both sexes) to cold approach men and women in different public settings. Most of the women were successful getting the men they approached to respond to them. None of the male actors were successful with any of the women they approached.
If you want to accurately measure the percent of women that might respond to that kind of approach you need to forget about numbers like 100. 5% is five in every hundred.... uh... no! Maybe 5 in 1000. And it is a safe bet that all five would be on the spectrum of something economic or mental. But online?! OMG! Online?!
People kill me. Online (as in a bar) women that are there are there to be approached! Duh. What could be wrong with that? Too easy? Hardly. And why should things be difficult? Life is hard enough, do we really have to create challenges and difficulty where there doesn't need to be any?
doesnt surprise me. cold approaching for a lot of guys is simply a lost cause. it'll clearly work if the genders are reserved lol.
that's not how a lot of women want to meet somebody generally. the best ways nowadays is through social circle or getting to know someone overtime and then online dating.
I recall reading about an experiment some sociologists did where they got professional actors (of both sexes) to cold approach men and women in different public settings. Most of the women were successful getting the men they approached to respond to them. None of the male actors were successful with any of the women they approached.
If you want to accurately measure the percent of women that might respond to that kind of approach you need to forget about numbers like 100. 5% is five in every hundred.... uh... no! Maybe 5 in 1000. And it is a safe bet that all five would be on the spectrum of something economic or mental. But online?! OMG! Online?!
People kill me. Online (as in a bar) women that are there are there to be approached! Duh. What could be wrong with that? Too easy? Hardly. And why should things be difficult? Life is hard enough, do we really have to create challenges and difficulty where there doesn't need to be any?
You couldn't be more wrong. I used to do this all the time when u was single and a good 15-20% of the time I got the date. I pretty much guarantee that almost anyone will get 1 date out of 100. The key is actually asking for the date as opposed to having lame small talk.
You couldn't be more wrong. I used to do this all the time when u was single and a good 15-20% of the time I got the date. I pretty much guarantee that almost anyone will get 1 date out of 100. The key is actually asking for the date as opposed to having lame small talk.
An 80-85% failure rate doesn't seem like very good odds.
Maybe it's because I'm not the kind of woman who's ever been approached by guys who think I'm so hot that they just had to talk to me, but I'd be super suspicious and put off by an approach like that.
You're 23 man. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18, my first girlfriend was at 24, and dated three more women since then almost marrying one. I thought I was an ugly sob (still do occasionally) but I always thought these women had problems because they could've done way better than me.
I recall reading about an experiment some sociologists did where they got professional actors (of both sexes) to cold approach men and women in different public settings. Most of the women were successful getting the men they approached to respond to them. None of the male actors were successful with any of the women they approached.
If you want to accurately measure the percent of women that might respond to that kind of approach you need to forget about numbers like 100. 5% is five in every hundred.... uh... no! Maybe 5 in 1000. And it is a safe bet that all five would be on the spectrum of something economic or mental. But online?! OMG! Online?!
People kill me. Online (as in a bar) women that are there are there to be approached! Duh. What could be wrong with that? Too easy? Hardly. And why should things be difficult? Life is hard enough, do we really have to create challenges and difficulty where there doesn't need to be any?
Just because a woman is in public doesn't mean she wants to be asked out or even talked to. Some women hate to be hit on.
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. Though I'm not sure I would have said that's she absolutely amazing. How does she know that I know she's absolutely amazing?
