Husbands anxiety is ruining our marriage (girls, children, sex, personality)
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I wouldn't worry about the "leave his ass" commentary. The OP appears to be well-intentioned and reasonable, and intent on being supportive if her spouse does take the initiative and attends to the issues affecting the relationship. Hopefully, he'll do so.
Replace your husband's anxiety and depression with the word "cancer." Would you talk about his symptoms as you are now if these were cancer symptoms? Absolutely not. And as someone who has dealt with both cancer and severe anxiety, there's not much of a difference at the root. One is an insidious physical illness, one is an insidious mental illness. I was responsible for getting treatment for both, but neither is something one can just buck up and get over.
If his job does not allow him to get treatment, he needs to seek other employment, just like someone with cancer might need a break from work. While at times I've needed medication to get my baseline up to a point for therapy to be effective and to not be absolutely crawling out of my own skin, therapy alone can be very helpful. It's gotten me to the point where I know thinking I am horrible at my job is disordered thought patterns, not reality. It doesn't *stop* those thoughts from springing to mind, but helps me work through them.
This could also get very serious. My childhood best friend's situation was a lot like yours - moved for her husband's job far from family with a small child, and had just gotten pregnant again. From the outside, everything looked fantastic- he had a dream job that allowed her to stay at home, they had a dream house, and a beautiful little family. 2 months ago, everyone was absolutely shocked when he killed himself, leaving her alone with a toddler and a baby on the way, a house she had no way to pay for, and absolutely alone far away from family. No one but her had ANY idea of how much he was struggling. He was suffering from anxiety and depression, thought he was horrible at his job and that no one liked him, and he eventually he thought it was completely reasonable that his wife's life would be better without him. That couldn't be further from the truth! But depression does horrible things to your mind and he truly couldn't see past it. My friend has been endlessly open about what happened and encourages others to seek help. Her husband didn't, and it cost him his life.
Yes, it may seem ridiculous to you that the idea of calling his PCP was so stressful that it disrupted his entire night. But to him, it's not. Please help him. You may have to support him through things that seem insane. He probably knows they're not rational fears, and feeling that mirrored by you just feeds into the cycle more. It is hard to be the loved one of someone with mental illness because it just doesn't make sense when you're not in their head. But there is help, even without pharmaceuticals!
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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OP,
There's a book I read called "F**k Happiness". While it seems vulgar, it was written by an MD, and the book's intended audience are people such as yourself. Great book, great read, it has helped me to understand and deal with my business partner who has severe anxiety.
There's a book I read called "F**k Happiness". While it seems vulgar, it was written by an MD, and the book's intended audience are people such as yourself. Great book, great read, it has helped me to understand and deal with my business partner who has severe anxiety.
Thanks! Do you know the author? I'd like to order it and my search turned up a couple results.
I have to agree with Long Time Listener on this. This seems to be the OP's problem not the husband's. People who are telling you to divorce this guy because he has low self-esteem? If he's violent then I can understand that but it doesn't seem like that. You had to have known this before marrying him. Why is it a problem now?
I have to agree with Long Time Listener on this. This seems to be the OP's problem not the husband's. People who are telling you to divorce this guy because he has low self-esteem? If he's violent then I can understand that but it doesn't seem like that. You had to have known this before marrying him. Why is it a problem now?
There's always one. If you can't take the time to read through every post and see where I clearly explain that his mood has severely plummeted RECENTLY, then don't bother to weigh in. If you need some physical evidence, maybe refer back to where I mentioned he's lost 20 pounds off an already healthy frame in the last 2 months. He himself knows that things have gotten bad and doesn't know how to fix it. Myself, my daughter, AND my husband are deserving of a healthier home life, and if you disagree, then kindly see yourself out.
"What do you care...at least he's not beating you."
-classic advice for a stable, healthy marriage
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