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I do get the fear of rejection. I really do. But there is no reward without risk. I just had a long conversation with a friend about something unrelated and he motivated my boyfriend and I to put our art out there. I mean, he got us really amped. And he made the analogy of seeing 50 women in the club. He's gonna ask all 50. If he gets rejected, he moves on to the next one. He said nobody ever died from a no. Us women don't bite. So what is so scary about approaching us?
I don't know many men that are scared of rejection.
I do know some men (myself included for a while) that simply don't like dating or don't care much for women and, therefore, avoid asking them out.
Funny and ironic thing is that the answer to that question is probably nothing else.
Some women just don't get how difficult it is for a lot of guys to approach, especially if they've had no prior success, or been laughed at/rejected harshly in the past.
That is true in my case. It wasn't until I came to CD that I ever became aware that it is so difficult for some men. Because I am used to being approached by men, I didn't notice, and really wasn't even aware of the existence of the ones who didn't approach.
I have a son and when he was in high school and college he was always fighting girls off with a stick, so again, it never entered my mind that some men struggle. From my perspective, it always looked like there were plenty of young women today who are willing and eager to chase after boys.
I don't know many men that are scared of rejection.
I do know some men (myself included for a while) that simply don't like dating or don't care much for women and, therefore, avoid asking them out.
This describes me. I don't care about being rejected because I'm not every woman's cup of tea. But I have never really cared for dating much which is why I never did it much in my life.
Of course, because as Fleetiebelle said, even unattractive girls have tons of guys wrapped around their fingers.
Men are the only ones that get rejected.
Right Fleetie???
...Wait... I'm wrong?
You didn't say that?!
LEARN TO READ?!
In all seriousness, if you don't want to approach, then don't approach. It's as simple as that. No one is making you approach. No one is putting a gun to your head and telling you to approach or else (which would probably make it easier). Just don't expect to get in a relationship. In this life, you have to go for what you want. It is not going to come to you.
Normally I'd agree with you but women approach men as well. So still even if a man doesn't approach he could still end up with someone.
Normally I'd agree with you but women approach men as well. So still even if a man doesn't approach he could still end up with someone.
That's all fine, but he shouldn't expect it. At least the type of relationship he wants.
I of all people know that women approach men. In fact I am an example of the last sentence in your post. I wasn't aiming at guys who get approached. This is more towards those who don't get approached.
Even actually going for what you want is not going to guarantee getting it. The likely hood of getting what you want is much smaller than if you go for it.
As a punchline of a winning the lottery joke goes, If you want to win the game, then buy the ticket.
Plenty of women are nervous to talk to men too. I think the fears are similar actually.
I don't think it's enough to say "fear of rejection", because why would rejection alone be something to fear if we're confident enough in our own identity?
In short, having skills interacting with women is like a validation of our self worth. Failure is a straight up discredit to that. It's a shot to our self image/worth. So we avoid it.
This isn't true inherently, but it's how I've caught myself thinking about it at least.
The day I got over my fear of talking to women was the day that I finally said "screw it, I'm going to be myself and if she doesn't like it, then she's probably not worth spending my time on". (This is true if you're not being an a*****e, otherwise start with not being one of those first).
Long story short, when you're comfortable in your own skin, there's nothing to fear.
No-o-o, you're way off! Probably half the guys a woman approaches may avoid eye contact and walk away when they even see she's coming toward them. Most of the rest would probably turn her down, if we're talking about random guys, because a solid percentage of them will be in LTR's or married anyway. Of the single ones, still some would turn her down, because she's not their type, or whatever.
Reality check! Being female is does not have a magic effect on men, on its own. It really depends on the woman.
I would agree, as a woman who never had qualms about doing the approaching, that it is often responded to poorly. But that was okay, too...helps with the weeding out process. Who wants to date a guy who is horrified at the woman doing the approaching, anyway?
Eh. I approached my husband first. He was fine with it, obviously.
And a lot of times in these hypothetical situations a guy is imagining a beautiful or hot woman not ever getting turned down. But there are plenty of women who aren't traffic-stopping beauties. If you imagine a woman who looks like Lena Dunham or Megan Trainor, to give an example of more "average" women doing the approaching, they're not going to get 90% positive feedback.
Even on this board some of the guys who complain about having a hard time eventually reveal that they are approached by women, but they just don't like the women who try to talk to them.
Pretty much.
You definitely have to factor in the reality that not everyone is realistic about who their supposed "equivalent" is.
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