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It's easier said than done though for guys who are shy, lacking in social skills, short of confidence or have social anxiety problems
The guys who are carefree and don't give a damn are going to be more successful at it, that's quite obvious. It's not easy for all of us to get to that mindset.
From the perspective of the one making the advance, I'm giving you the most vulnerable part of myself that I don't give to everyone and to be told that that isn't good enough for your standards feels like a rejection. Say don't take it personally until the cows come home but that it what I feel like when it happens.
I take rejection personally. Said person is saying you aren't good enough for them and I feel that they dislike me. Hard to not take that personally. It's why I have never put myself out there much.
I take rejection personally. Said person is saying you aren't good enough for them and I feel that they dislike me. Hard to not take that personally. It's why I have never put myself out there much.
Why is what someone else thinks of you more important to you than what YOU think?
Why is what someone else thinks of you more important to you than what YOU think?
It's not what you say, it's how you say it. A lot of women are rude when rejecting man I get it many of you thinking you're better than the men who approach you and how dare he enter your space. But of course I'll be dismissed as wrong despite me experiencing it.
Great post, and something for us men to keep in mind. Thanks for that.
Thanks. The more I ruminate on this, the disconnect is what is occurring versus your feelings about it.
If you strip it right down to the barest form, you are asking someone a question. That someone is a stranger. They are either going to say yes or no. You know this going in.
Tying your self-esteem, self-worth, identity, to the answer, is a problem bring onto yourself because you've made this into more than what it is, and again, what it is, is merely a question.
Don't invest so much of yourself into a basic interaction with a stranger, where there's a 50% chance you won't get the answer you want. It is a simple question, it's your choice to make a mountain or a molehill of it. Choose the molehill.
It's not what you say, it's how you say it. A lot of women are rude when rejecting man I get it many of you thinking you're better than the men who approach you and how dare he enter your space. But of course I'll be dismissed as wrong despite me experiencing it.
Why would you care? I am being completely serious. People are rude to me all the time. There was this guy who was yelling out the window at me the other day. You know how bad it made me feel? Not At All. He called me the b word and the w word. I know those things are not who I am. I actually don't believe you are wrong. People can be rude jerks. So what? All they have told you by being rude jerks is that you dodged a bullet. If they had said yes, you would have to have a date with a rude jerk.
Who are you 49? Do you believe it? Or does some rude jerk get to tell you who you are?
Why would you care? I am being completely serious. People are rude to me all the time. There was this guy who was yelling out the window at me the other day. You know how bad it made me feel? Not At All. He called me the b word and the w word. I know those things are not who I am. I actually don't believe you are wrong. People can be rude jerks. So what? All they have told you by being rude jerks is that you dodged a bullet. If they had said yes, you would have to have a date with a rude jerk.
Who are you 49? Do you believe it? Or does some rude jerk get to tell you who you are?
You make a good point but I'm tired of being accused of being a liar because I've met bull*** a** women in my life. This subject is a touchy one for me as you can see.
Thanks. The more I ruminate on this, the disconnect is what is occurring versus your feelings about it.
If you strip it right down to the barest form, you are asking someone a question. That someone is a stranger. They are either going to say yes or no. You know this going in.
Tying your self-esteem, self-worth, identity, to the answer, is a problem bring onto yourself because you've made this into more than what it is, and again, what it is, is merely a question.
Don't invest so much of yourself into a basic interaction with a stranger, where there's a 50% chance you won't get the answer you want. It is a simple question, it's your choice to make a mountain or a molehill of it. Choose the molehill.
@Atlguy, this has been said here for years; you must have read this a dozen times, at least. What's the point in hanging one's self esteem on the response of a stranger? Think about it--how much sense does that make? You (anyone) should know going in that it's a long shot to get a favorable response. It's worth a try, but "no, thank you" doesn't mean you're a worthless human being. More or less the same would be true even with a casual acquaintance.
And conversely, if a woman you weren't interested in approached you to chat, then asked you to coffee, would that make your self esteem soar? Probably, it wouldn't mean anything to you. So why give any more weight to the opposite situation, where you're the one asking someone to hang out?
I take rejection personally. Said person is saying you aren't good enough for them and I feel that they dislike me. Hard to not take that personally. It's why I have never put myself out there much.
There are many reasons why I have turned down dates with men that have nothing personally to do with the man who asked me out. They were about me and not about him personally.
Looking back, most of my date rejections were cold approaches from men who didn't know that I was in a relationship or interested in someone else.
The other times were just different issues like bad timing. I can only think of a few times when I turned a man down because I didn't like something about him.
Most dates were from men who had spoken to me enough to have a pretty good idea that I was single and receptive to them.
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