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People engage in activities they find painful ALL the time for fun. Extreme sports, ballet, walking in high heels... Are they all sick and twisted?
The point is that the people involved should be 100% clear on what's OK to happen and what's not. And no one should go along just to keep the guy or because they are scared to speak up.
Hear, hear! Well and truly spoken.
Oscar Wilde once said "Nothing human is foreign to me."
I like that, but there is still, I think, a line between abuse and kink.
As long as it's between consensual adult humans and nobody is being forced or coerced...
On another thread I mentioned, even between a Domme or Dom and sub (maybe moreso in some ways, because of the nature the sexual play at times), there is, usually, a very strong, mutual bond of caring and protectiveness.
Imagine the trust a person must have in another to be restrained, or choked by them?
Like I posted people can do whatever as long as all of the appropriate forms have been signed and the t's crossed and the i's dotted.
I think sometimes people don't correctly utilize language and or apply negative connotations to words where they may or may not be there.
Weird and odd are a couple of "charged" words in that a whole lot of baggage is attached to them. Words like abnormal as well. When one looks up some of the these terms and finds the literal meaning not the connotations attached to them they are indeed applicable and can be technically correct.
To say that a person likes to be choked is "odd" is because it doesn't line up with a generally understood baseline of typical actions that the bulk of a group might display or feel about it. It's simply an accurate for the most part observation because you line up a 100 people and you poll them and being choked as a sexual thrill isn't "normal" in the truest definition of the word, not the charged negative connation we appear to have with words.
That baggage transfer we appear to have causes a lot of problems and yes sometimes people say words to intentionally mock or make fun of others, of that of course exists as well.
I've taken great pains here to say this without a judgment about the activity. I said earlier that it sorta odd because it is sorta odd as it is a minority of a view. Not making a moral right and wrong judgment, just saying that it is indeed odd. People can do whatever they like, again, as long as people don't hurt others.
odd
[äd]
ADJECTIVE
different from what is usual or expected; strange:
"the neighbors thought him very odd" · [more]
synonyms: strange · peculiar · weird · ***** · funny · bizarre · abnormal · eccentric · [more]
(of whole numbers such as 3 and 5) having one left over as a remainder when divided by two.
happening or occurring infrequently and irregularly; occasional:
"neither did she want a secret affair, snatching odd moments together"
synonyms: occasional · casual · irregular · isolated · random · sporadic · periodic · [more]
separated from a usual pair or set and therefore out of place or mismatched:
"he's wearing odd socks"
synonyms: mismatched · unmatched · unpaired · single · lone · solitary · extra · [more]
Saying something is odd isn't an automatic insult the way some people tend to think it is.
But that's the way it's often used, and has been used in this very thread. Using words like "niche" or "eccentric" to describe seemingly unconventional interests or activities doesn't carry the same weight, in terms of negative connotations and cultural language "baggage" that other terms do. Some here, or elsewhere, use "odd" or "weird" to mean "mental" or to suggest either or both parties have "issues."
Words matter, because there's often cultural language "baggage" assigned to them that add more layers on top of their formal usage.
And, to expound, what's "weird" or unusual is dictated by culture. You think oral sex was a "thing" several generations ago, or even in our grandparents' days? Other types of sex that didn't lead to procreation were admonished by many traditional folks of past generations. Heck, some even only sanctioned missionary style sex as the only permissible form of sex between married individuals.
Backdoor sex was seen as demented. An abomination. This sentiment existed for a long while, and only recently, last decade or so, did it not illicit the knee-jerk "Ewwww! Who would do THAT!?! That is SOOO gross and sick!!" Now, such sex is just standard porn. No big deal.
So, yeah, sexually active folks of today engage in bedroom activities that were admonished in previous generations.
There are words that mean the same thing, but without all the baggage.
You think oral sex was a "thing" several generations ago, or even in our grandparents' days?
Based on pornography from the era, i think it was a thing. Just kept under wraps.
On the other hand, this is true:
Quote:
Other types of sex that didn't lead to procreation were admonished by many traditional folks of past generations. Heck, some even only sanctioned missionary style sex as the only permissible form of sex between married individuals.
But that's the way it's often used, and has been used in this very thread. Using words like "niche" or "eccentric" to describe seemingly unconventional interests or activities doesn't carry the same weight, in terms of negative connotations and cultural language "baggage" that other terms do. Some here, or elsewhere, use "odd" or "weird" to mean "mental" or to suggest either or both parties have "issues."
Words matter, because there's often cultural language "baggage" assigned to them that add more layers on top of their formal usage.
And, to expound, what's "weird" or unusual is dictated by culture. You think oral sex was a "thing" several generations ago, or even in our grandparents' days? Other types of sex that didn't lead to procreation were admonished by many traditional folks of past generations. Heck, some even only sanctioned missionary style sex as the only permissible form of sex between married individuals.
Backdoor sex was seen as demented. An abomination. This sentiment existed for a long while, and only recently, last decade or so, did it not illicit the knee-jerk "Ewwww! Who would do THAT!?! That is SOOO gross and sick!!" Now, such sex is just standard porn. No big deal.
So, yeah, sexually active folks of today engage in bedroom activities that were admonished in previous generations.
There are words that mean the same thing, but without all the baggage.
Meh... I use the English language as it was intended. I'm semi-reluctant to reshape my word choices to a large extent. I will as needed, but I can't help how others interpret the English language, that's their baggage and issues as far as I'm concerned. Once we speak or hit submit reply we have little control over how that data is received, reconstructed and processed by the recipient. I've learned that lesson specifically on this forum over the years.
I'll be sensitive to people, but I'm not going to completely rework every statement or thought I have, if it offends even when I have no intent to offend I can't control that.
Words do matter, people should learn their language properly and work to not attach their own personal baggage to things as much.
Um, I'm sorry...but I think any woman who actually gets off on having a guy choke her until she's lightheaded or even just the very ACT of strangling her in general is SICK!!!!
I mean, I have patience and understanding with regard to other sex acts that I find weird, totally odd and outright disgusting...but this, OMG. I think anyone that actually gets sexually aroused from an act of violence has obviously been extremely traumatized and needs INTENSIVE THERAPY - if therapy would even be enough to cure them of this sickness!
And, I would hope that most (if not ALL) guys would feel absolutely uncomfortable and straight up AWFUL to follow through on this type of "request" made from a mentally and emotionally damaged woman.
Being strangled/choked during sex is um, wayyy more than just a "kink" or a "fetish".....this is just total and complete MENTAL SICKNESS. And I'm sure more than likely someone is going to respond to my post and say something like, "Hey, that's just YOUR opinion...people who get off on that don't have a mental illness and they AREN'T depraved...they're just "normal" people like you and I who happen to have that sexual "preference"..."
Like Hawaiian Coconut said - Whatever!
Hate it so much but spend a lot of time thinking about it, huh?
My big issue with 50 Shades craze is that women spent forever, until only a few decades ago in this country, being submissive! We fought to end that. And now it's like men want to pull a trick to get us to WANT to go back to that. Now, that is supposed to be hot and sexy. Well, it isn't to me. I mean, kudos on the trick, but no for me.
We're geniuses huh. We trick a woman into writing this kind of book. Then tricked millions of women into buying the book. Then tricked millions into going to see the movies.
The good fight women have been putting up has very little to do with being submissive in the bedroom.
On average, women are pretty sexually submissive. That's just a fact.
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It doesn't accurately portray healthy D/s lifestyles, is what most people say, that I've heard or read that have said anything. The lack of consent and manipulation are real problems.
If you have a person A which is suffering from mental illness (in which also bdsm was labelled in ICD before) who is asking to harm her/himself is it really ok to do that?
Or is there some responsibility in this person B which declines to support persons A self harming obsessions? Why person B should be a tool how person A is able to harm herself?
Person B could just take consider that person A is mentally ill (according to ICD-history) and say no.
Person B cannot wash his or her hands because the person who is committing this harming to this mental ill person A is person B and person B only.
People can ask this and that but everyone are still responsible of their own actions.
Mentally ill person cannot estimate what is healthy for her or him. That is why the sane person has to estimate situation for her or him. It is not "whatever" when this person is not sane enough.
(And bdsm can be settled back into ICD any day as it was in there already).
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