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Hello everyone, i really need help. I've been dating with my girlfriend for about a year now. We are both 25 yo. She's got some insecurity issues (like she has been betrayed in the past, lied, and ashamed for being ugly an stuff even though she is not). From the moment we started together, i've been telling her all the time that is special, rare and beautiful , and that all those people in the past were just mean and jealous. I have complete trust over her but she does not have even a little. She constantly nags me and tells me why i did this and why i did that. She thinks im cheating on her , and im not that kind of guy, i would never cheat on her. Even though i try to see her side and try doing things shes saying to me, always a thing will come up that she will not like, and she will criticize me. I'm telling her that this is making me nervous, but she says she is the one that is right and i should convince her more.She's in complete denial on my side. I'm feeling anxiety all the time, fear and lack of psychological calmness. I cant even focus on my studies. Sometimes when we are not together, i need to rest or relax, and i dont miss to be together, and she sees that and tells me why i dont miss her like i do? The only thing i can think is that i have a lot of pressure, and i lack rest, because im a quiet person. Another thing is that she is a virgin, and we haven't had sex yet. We are trying to, but we cant, shes feeling pain and shes anxious. So, i think this is another thing that affects us. Consider breaking up? -> I don't want to leave her, but sometimes i think its the right choice, but theres another thing. She tells me all the time that we break up shes will harm herself or commit suicide, and shes telling this at almost all the tough agreements. To sum up, i think this is getting worse as the time goes by, i feel like i'm in a circle or in a maze with no exit.
Hello everyone, i really need help. I've been dating with my girlfriend for about a year now. We are both 25 yo. She's got some insecurity issues (like she has been betrayed in the past, lied, and ashamed for being ugly an stuff even though she is not). From the moment we started together, i've been telling her all the time that is special, rare and beautiful , and that all those people in the past were just mean and jealous. I have complete trust over her but she does not have even a little. She constantly nags me and tells me why i did this and why i did that. She thinks im cheating on her , and im not that kind of guy, i would never cheat on her. Even though i try to see her side and try doing things shes saying to me, always a thing will come up that she will not like, and she will criticize me. I'm telling her that this is making me nervous, but she says she is the one that is right and i should convince her more.She's in complete denial on my side. I'm feeling anxiety all the time, fear and lack of psychological calmness. I cant even focus on my studies. Sometimes when we are not together, i need to rest or relax, and i dont miss to be together, and she sees that and tells me why i dont miss her like i do? The only thing i can think is that i have a lot of pressure, and i lack rest, because im a quiet person. Another thing is that she is a virgin, and we haven't had sex yet. We are trying to, but we cant, shes feeling pain and shes anxious. So, i think this is another thing that affects us. Consider breaking up? -> I don't want to leave her, but sometimes i think its the right choice, but theres another thing. She tells me all the time that we break up shes will harm herself or commit suicide, and shes telling this at almost all the tough agreements. To sum up, i think this is getting worse as the time goes by, i feel like i'm in a circle or in a maze with no exit.
Thanks for reading..
It IS getting worse.
It doesn't have to be like this. Tell her you are not happy in the relationship and it's time to end things.
It doesn't have to be like this. Tell her you are not happy in the relationship and it's time to end things.
If i tell her im not happy. She will tell me that i'm only watching my self and not her happiness. She will cry and 'accuse' me that she will hurt herself.
If i tell her im not happy. She will tell me that i'm only watching my self and not her happiness. She will cry and 'accuse' me that she will hurt herself.
She cannot hold you hostage. That's not love, and you can tell HER that.
The best thing to do is keep things calm and simple. Tell her that you are sorry to hear that she feels like she wants to hurt herself, but her choices are her own. Tell her that you care about her and can help her find resources for help, but that you are not going to change your mind.
Have you given her a reason to be insecure? Be honest. Before things ended with mine, she said I was being negative, and didn't trust her. She gave me every reason not to trust her.
Have you given her a reason to be insecure? Be honest. Before things ended with mine, she said I was being negative, and didn't trust her. She gave me every reason not to trust her.
No she was insecure before i met her, from when she was a teenager. The only 'reason' i gave her was, telling her a few lies , lies not in the bad way to hide something not fair, but in the way not to hurt her because she is over-sensitive.
If i tell her im not happy. She will tell me that i'm only watching my self and not her happiness. She will cry and 'accuse' me that she will hurt herself.
You have a responsibility to yourself first. No one can play a "trump card" and have you NOT break up with them.
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Well if she knows they're lies, that's enough reason to add to any insecurity.
She lied to me about seeing another guy. What she didn't realize is lying about seeing the other guy is worse than doing it.
A person with the kind of insecurity described by the OP would have it regardless of who is sitting across the dinner table from her.
The OP didn't "make" his girlfriend have this level of insecurity. His lies are an unhealthy coping mechanism he apparently developed in order to prevent her from flipping out.
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