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If three wives have divorced you, the problem is most likely YOU. The days of captive wives (and husbands) have been over for over 100 years in the US.
It's the courts!
It's the man haters!
It's society!
No. It's your dumb butt making stupid decisions.
Ding! Ding! Ding!! There's bitterness on both sides. Didn't nobody make these decisions to date or marry a jerk. It's your (not you in general) fault that you (again not you in general ) suck at picking a partner.
Sure... marriage choices is the fault of the individuals. It takes two people to make a bad marriage. Both should be equally liable for its failure. Whether equality is is true in divorce is a different topic all together and not the topic discussed here.
All I see is an individual that participated in a mistake 3 times and was hoping that external factors would somehow shape repeating behavior.
With that said, some couples split due to reasons that are no ones' fault.... They may make the best decisions that can at the time but the relationship ends anyways. Divorce/Separation isn't a zero sum game.
I don't think that divorce being too easy is the problem. Marriages fail for many complex reasons. One of those unfortunate reasons is the fact that a party often benefits financially from divorce. That's the part I have an issue with and we should all work to make that stop.
I don't think that divorce being too easy is the problem. Marriages fail for many complex reasons. One of those unfortunate reasons is the fact that a party often benefits financially from divorce. That's the part I have an issue with and we should all work to make that stop.
If you think most (or even many) women are divorcing for money, you're nuts.
First of all, they are put in a worse financial situation than they were in before.
Many of the divorced women I work with have to fight every month to get the child
support they're due AND they have to work AND they have to take care of the kid.
Meanwhile, hubby is off with new girlfriend, making new kids, etc.
I even know a woman who has to pay ALIMONY to the tune of $3000 a month to
the man she divorced and she can't stop bc he only takes jobs under the table so he
can keep getting her dough.
Everyone is a financial loser in divorce. Everyone.
If you think most (or even many) women are divorcing for money, you're nuts.
First of all, they are put in a worse financial situation than they were in before.
Many of the divorced women I work with have to fight every month to get the child
support they're due AND they have to work AND they have to take care of the kid.
Meanwhile, hubby is off with new girlfriend, making new kids, etc.
I even know a woman who has to pay ALIMONY to the tune of $3000 a month to
the man she divorced and she can't stop bc he only takes jobs under the table so he
can keep getting her dough.
Everyone is a financial loser in divorce. Everyone.
Doesn't change the fact that 97% of the alimony moneys is redistributed from men to women. Also, the fact that women get child custody and child support in practically all cases, although I see that trend slowly changing. In many of these cases, kids are brainwashed and lied to to hate their dads or there are false accusations separating the father from the children. Family court system is heavily stacked up against men. We all have opinions on how much but the statistical facts speak for themselves. Divorce is a complex issue and I'm not a big fan of no fault divorce and the way its being used. I mostly feel for kids from broken homes, because someone thought they were bored or that grass was greener on the other side. Those are the most common reasons for divorce and they are short sighted and selfish
Doesn't change the fact that 97% of the alimony moneys is redistributed from men to women. Also, the fact that women get child custody and child support in practically all cases, although I see that trend slowly changing. In many of these cases, kids are brainwashed and lied to to hate their dads or there are false accusations separating the father from the children. Family court system is heavily stacked up against men. We all have opinions on how much but the statistical facts speak for themselves. Divorce is a complex issue and I'm not a big fan of no fault divorce and the way its being used. I mostly feel for kids from broken homes, because someone thought they were bored or that grass was greener on the other side. Those are the most common reasons for divorce and they are short sighted and selfish
Statistics are easily manipulated to make anyone's side look bad or good.
Yeah, alimony usually goes from one way to the other...because who usually makes more money?
I mean, that's not being unfair. That's just dealing with a reality. Frankly, I think alimony is garbage and NO ONE should get it or pay it.
Many of my friends who are family lawyers (most of whom are men) do not see most men asking for full custody of their kids. Think about it. I don't know if you have kids, but they are a full-time responsibility that most guys would be happy paying someone else (ie, the mother) to deal with. So mom has to go to work (just like dad) and then has kids on top of it. In this case, how can you argue against child support?
It is changing. One of my friends who has been in the business for almost 40 years says that more guys are asking for 50-50, but the sad fact is that splitting your time equally between two homes isn't that great for kids. So some guys are asking for full custody (I have a few male friends who have full custody - only 1 had to put up any kind of fight), but that is a rare minority.
So you can cry that mom gets the kids most of the time (pointing to a "stacked deck"), but from what these lawyers are saying, dad's not asking for the kids full time most of the time.
Finally, I agree with you and am disgusted at how "adults" float around with their whims and don't think about the lives they are affecting. Statistically, kids from divorced/broken/single parent homes suffer from a whole host of problems. People don't really think before they act...or don't care.
Doesn't change the fact that 97% of the alimony moneys is redistributed from men to women. Also, the fact that women get child custody and child support in practically all cases, although I see that trend slowly changing.
Neither of these is universally true. Alimony is astoundingly rare these days (something like 90% of divorces do not involve spousal support) so okay, even if men pay more support then women do, it's still a tiny percentage of divorced men. And men who want custody of their children generally get it, because more and more fathers aren't willing to cede all of the caregiving to the mother during the marriage. The cases I know personally of men who complain the most about having to pay child support don't want full custody--they want to be Fun Weekend Dad, not Homework Dad, Miss a Day of Work for a Sick Kid Dad, or Do All the Laundry, Shopping, and Cleaning Up Dad. But they complain to the heavens about sending someone a check who is willing to have that responsibility to take care of their child.
It's amazing that so many men on this board encounter so many women who are just looking for a handout, who don't have their own jobs, their own assets, their own property, and who are willing to get married just so they can get divorced. Who are these people?
It's amazing that so many men on this board encounter so many women who are just looking for a handout, who don't have their own jobs, their own assets, their own property, and who are willing to get married just so they can get divorced. Who are these people?
I think it's another case of media showcases overrepresenting what goes on in real life.
Every piece of news gets hyped up.
Every stat gets blown out of proportion with no perspective or context given.
And then everyone gets to walk around outraged and shocked.
They say women initiate divorce more often. This is true among the people I know.
Some reasons women I know left their husbands:
He cheated on her.
He cheated on her.
He cheated on her.
He went off his meds all the time and bankrupted them and acted crazy/violent near the kids.
He cheated on her.
He beat her AND cheated on her. Then stalked her after the divorce (and he was a cop).
He left her for another woman but didn't bother to file divorce, so she did.
He went to jail for embezzlement.
She was a nutjob and I don't think she should marry anyone.
He refused to have sex with her.
Yeah. All those evil women filing divorce. Must be for the $.
Neither of these is universally true. Alimony is astoundingly rare these days (something like 90% of divorces do not involve spousal support) so okay, even if men pay more support then women do, it's still a tiny percentage of divorced men. And men who want custody of their children generally get it, because more and more fathers aren't willing to cede all of the caregiving to the mother during the marriage. The cases I know personally of men who complain the most about having to pay child support don't want full custody--they want to be Fun Weekend Dad, not Homework Dad, Miss a Day of Work for a Sick Kid Dad, or Do All the Laundry, Shopping, and Cleaning Up Dad. But they complain to the heavens about sending someone a check who is willing to have that responsibility to take care of their child.
It's amazing that so many men on this board encounter so many women who are just looking for a handout, who don't have their own jobs, their own assets, their own property, and who are willing to get married just so they can get divorced. Who are these people?
Thank you. My thoughts exactly.
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) suck at picking a partner.
