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There was a post on here that talked about the ratio of single men to single women and how it varied based on location and age. When I was younger, I figured that, if I was still single in my 40s, dating would be easier because the numbers would become more favorable. Now that I'm in my 40s, I can see that the numbers have indeed gotten better. In many respects, dating has gotten easier. Compared to when I was younger, I have a clearer idea of what I want and don't want, I'm more confident, and I'm better off financially. But in other respects, it's actually gotten harder. I don't want kids and would prefer not to date someone who already has them. The problem is that a lot of the single women my age already have kids from a previous marriage. I could date someone who's younger, but many of those women are looking for someone to start a family with. Plus, I'd much prefer to date someone closer to my own age. So I feel severely limited by my age, which I can't change, and my preferences, which I don't want to change. And that's before accounting for looks, personality, etc. A female coworker said that I have big advantages over other guys my age because, unlike a lot of them, I don't have any kids, I'm in good shape, and I'm actually willing to date a woman over 40. And while that may be true, I don't really feel like it's helping that much. So I was curious to hear about your experience being over 40 and being single.
I was single from the age of 34 to 44. I dated SOME in those 10 years...spent far more time being single. lol
I had 2 young boys. Of course, they were my ultimate priority. I can remember a couple of guys, where my kids were "an issue". One guy, he and I took my kids fishing with us. My kids weren't exactly in to it, but they were polite about it, and they tried. It became apparent that the guy didn't really 'like' my kids...I think he though he was hiding it, but I could tell. Then one day, he said to me "I can see us being together for a long time. Once the kids are all grown (he had a 16 yr. old at the time) we should move in together."
First of all, I don't 'move in' with anyone. Second, that statement made it obvious he didn't want to raise kids anymore, at least not mine, and third, I didn't feel like waiting around 10 yrs on a guy.
The second issue guy; He and I were at my house one evening, and my boys were being little boogers. They were being total brats. I apologized at one point, for their bad behavior. He kind of laughs and says "That's OK. I can't discipline them now, but when we're married, I'LL lay down some discipline." First of all, this was the first mention of marriage, and second of all ummm no. You won't be disciplining my children. LOL
Gotta agree with you OP...dating in our 30's and 40's is hard. LOL
There was a post on here that talked about the ratio of single men to single women and how it varied based on location and age. When I was younger, I figured that, if I was still single in my 40s, dating would be easier because the numbers would become more favorable. Now that I'm in my 40s, I can see that the numbers have indeed gotten better. In many respects, dating has gotten easier. Compared to when I was younger, I have a clearer idea of what I want and don't want, I'm more confident, and I'm better off financially. But in other respects, it's actually gotten harder. I don't want kids and would prefer not to date someone who already has them. The problem is that a lot of the single women my age already have kids from a previous marriage. I could date someone who's younger, but many of those women are looking for someone to start a family with. Plus, I'd much prefer to date someone closer to my own age. So I feel severely limited by my age, which I can't change, and my preferences, which I don't want to change. And that's before accounting for looks, personality, etc. A female coworker said that I have big advantages over other guys my age because, unlike a lot of them, I don't have any kids, I'm in good shape, and I'm actually willing to date a woman over 40. And while that may be true, I don't really feel like it's helping that much. So I was curious to hear about your experience being over 40 and being single.
Like you said, certain factors may limit your options. Back when I was still dating, most of the men I dated were in their late 30s to early 40s, and the majority had children, and some were still open to having children. Being CFBC and preferring to date child-free women plays a major role in your dating pool. While you have other things going for you, those two factors may prove to be an issue, as you know.
I very much enjoy being single. Wouldn't change it unless someone really amazing came along with their "stuff" together and their head on completely straight about life. Then maybe I'd "consider" it.
I met my husband when he was 40 and I was 35. We were both childless (as opposed to childfree), and we're both pretty elated and impressed to meet somebody else who wanted kids, but hadn't had then yet.
I have a clearer idea of what I want and don't want, I'm more confident, and I'm better off financially.
I'm actually willing to date a woman over 40.
I don't want kids and would prefer not to date someone who already has them.
Of the few single women over 40 who don't already have a child (or three)...
the next largest group are those who reallllllly want to have a child (or three).
That doesn't leave you a lot of options.
But the largest pool of these poor options would be the highly career oriented.
Most of them however don't have much time for relationships either.
Enjoy the hunt.
I wish I could tell you how to find or attract the never-married or never had kids 40-something women. I seemed to attract a LOT of them when I was dating, and most were great - most of my post-divorce relationships were with such women. I wonder if it's a New England thing? Most lived there, although one of my favorites was a Brit living in Hong Kong - but I digress ....
I think you should be flexible in what you want, though. The woman who totally blew me away and captured my heart and imagination was divorced with two kids; 37, and I was 45. A few years later, the kids had moved out, but we're still going strong.
Is it supposed to be hard? I thought if you met the person they'd just treat you right and it would come together quickly and easily. . .
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