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There's a required immediacy to being a parent that just doesn't even compare to hobbies or even elderly parents.
Yup. My parents will say that their kids became much more needy when we became parents ourselves. We went from being VERY independent kids with career parents, to needy adults trying to work, be single parents, and raise well adjusted kids. Our parents retired to help with the grand kids.
You don't want to date someone with kids because you don't want any kids of any age in your life, you don't want any other person to take priority over you with the person you're dating, you've just randomly decided that all single moms have too much "drama," etc.
This ^^^ is the same broad brush you're accusing others of using here.
Never said they were. I am just tired of the made up excuses.
But if someone wants to pretend that an ER nurse who works 12 hour shifts, runs 5 days a week, takes care of her grandmother every other weekend, and runs marathons on the other weekends is going to have more time, flexibility, and spontaneity than a single mom with a 17 year old, they are telling themselves stories.
If someone doesn't want to date people with kids, fine, but be honest with yourself and others about it. You don't want to date someone with kids because you don't want any kids of any age in your life, you don't want any other person to take priority over you with the person you're dating, you've just randomly decided that all single moms have too much "drama," etc. But don't make up stuff about spontaneity and flexibility when the kids are grown or virtually so, and there are so many, many other things can take up people's time. It's insulting.
Obviously this has been a problem for you, and I am sorry. The nurse story doesn't count because that's not part of the OP, it's not you have kids or an ER nurse who works 12 hour shifts, runs 5 days a week, takes care of her grandmother every other weekend, and runs marathons on the other weekends. That would just probably be a reason why that person would not be appropriate for the OP also.
I don't think anyone's reasons are made up, it's their reasons, or perception of the situation.
I chose not to date Dad's that had young kids at home. It's just too much trouble, maybe if I liked him more I would have over looked that, maybe not.
It's good that people know their tolerance to things (like kids). That self awareness keeps him from leading women on and coming into a kids like and then going "poof!" because he thought he could handle kids, but couldn't.
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Btw, I am 42 and I have a 17 year old and a 23 year old. I have no idea why you would just assume that all the women your age have little ones at home.
It's called math. You had your first child at 19. That's atypical. What's more likely is a woman having a child in her late 20s to late 30s, which means a woman of 42 is more likely to have a child between the ages of 15 and 5. By the way, show me where I assumed all women my age have little ones at home. And from what I've seen of your posts, you make a lot of assumptions about others.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 06-20-2017 at 12:33 PM..
When I became single after 40, I didn't have any problems that I didn't encounter in my 20s. But it was easier because I was more "flexible" and not in a hurry. I dated some women where there was no promise of a romantic relationship, but we both enjoyed having sex. But, yes, women my age were also more flexible about that than when I was in my 20s. There were some who were in a hurry to find a guy, too much of a hurry. And there were also a few who I was close to falling in love with, but who were "too busy" with their careers. I also ran into women who were scared of relationships....and so on so forth.
It really wasn't that different, except for the fact that they were Danish.
There was a post on here that talked about the ratio of single men to single women and how it varied based on location and age. When I was younger, I figured that, if I was still single in my 40s, dating would be easier because the numbers would become more favorable. Now that I'm in my 40s, I can see that the numbers have indeed gotten better. In many respects, dating has gotten easier. Compared to when I was younger, I have a clearer idea of what I want and don't want, I'm more confident, and I'm better off financially. But in other respects, it's actually gotten harder. I don't want kids and would prefer not to date someone who already has them. The problem is that a lot of the single women my age already have kids from a previous marriage. I could date someone who's younger, but many of those women are looking for someone to start a family with. Plus, I'd much prefer to date someone closer to my own age. So I feel severely limited by my age, which I can't change, and my preferences, which I don't want to change. And that's before accounting for looks, personality, etc. A female coworker said that I have big advantages over other guys my age because, unlike a lot of them, I don't have any kids, I'm in good shape, and I'm actually willing to date a woman over 40. And while that may be true, I don't really feel like it's helping that much. So I was curious to hear about your experience being over 40 and being single.
Here's the problem.
You're looking for a unicorn... an attractive, fit, great personality, childfree woman in her late 30s/early 40s. If you find such a woman, you'd better be a 10 because she's got her pick of men - and she knows it. I know a woman like this. She's amazing. And picky. So.Very.Picky.
Obviously this has been a problem for you, and I am sorry. The nurse story doesn't count because that's not part of the OP, it's not you have kids or an ER nurse who works 12 hour shifts, runs 5 days a week, takes care of her grandmother every other weekend, and runs marathons on the other weekends. That would just probably be a reason why that person would not be appropriate for the OP also.
I don't think anyone's reasons are made up, it's their reasons, or perception of the situation.
I chose not to date Dad's that had young kids at home. It's just too much trouble, maybe if I liked him more I would have over looked that, maybe not.
It's good that people know their tolerance to things (like kids). That self awareness keeps him from leading women on and coming into a kids like and then going "poof!" because he thought he could handle kids, but couldn't.
It hasn't been a problem for me. I would have zero interest in someone who has the criteria of "no kids" because that is obviously not my kind of person. In addition to my own kids, I have several kids in my life that are family and chosen family. I LOVE having kids in my life, and no matter how much I might think someone is great, not wanting kids in his life would diminish him in my eyes immensely.
And I do think it's great that people are aware of not wanting kids in their life. That is not what I am saying I have a problem with, and I'm not sure why the comprehension is so difficult. What I have been saying this whole time is if you don't want kids- of any age - in your life, then just say that. Don't say it's because of flexibility, time constraints, lack of spontaneity, drama, etc. when it's just that you don't want the person in your life to have any kids, of any age, any where, any time. Just Be Honest.
That allows them to weed us out, and us to weed them out.
Don't say it's because of flexibility, time constraints, lack of spontaneity, drama, etc. when it's just that you don't want the person in your life to have any kids, of any age, any where, any time. Just Be Honest.
This makes no sense. It IS because of flexibilty, etc., that a lot of people don't want to date people with kids.
This makes no sense. It IS because of flexibilty, etc., that a lot of people don't want to date people with kids.
Except, as fleetie points out, when those kids are in their last years of HS, and on their way out of the nest. The OP said he believes that even young adult kids take up too much of the single mom's time. That's the part that makes no sense.
Except, as fleetie points out, when those kids are in their last years of HS, and on their way out of the nest. The OP said he believes that even young adult kids take up too much of the single mom's time. That's the part that makes no sense.
Ah, that's my bad then. I think of kids as young people who need care.
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