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Old 07-04-2017, 04:45 PM
 
728 posts, read 472,500 times
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Do you feel you're missing one key trait to being a successful dater? I know a guy in his late 40s (he looks older), he is uncomfortably flirty with women who are 18-20. I like to play bar trivia, and he's a guy who is often on my team. I didn't know him before I started this hobby. But he will grab their hand while he's placing his order or other things I know they don't like. In his head, he thinks they dig him, and trust me, they don't. But, I would never do these things. I'm more self aware, and I respect other's personal boundaries. I'm definitely more physically attractive, but he has way more confidence than me. If I had his confidence, I could date more. If he looked more like me, he could. I guess its imperative to have all the ingredients. Do you have them all?
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Old 07-04-2017, 04:57 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,373,565 times
Reputation: 9636
Those traits will depend on who you're trying to attract/date.

Loud personalities, putting on a front, smooth-talking, etc., didn't do it for me. I've always gravitated toward quiet, bookish, introverted, nerdy/geeky types, if we're talking just personality and demeanor.

I went for the introverted and bookish types over the charismatic types. So someone lacking an outgoing and charismatic personality is not missing a key trait. They just need to focus on people who prefer or like their personality.
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Old 07-04-2017, 06:21 PM
 
1,058 posts, read 676,980 times
Reputation: 1844
You are overthinking it. I'm way more outgoing than my husband and I asked him out. He was so shy and I was wondering if we had any chemistry, but he kept letting me know he was interested in only me and didn't play games. It turned out that he was quite a catch, and I like figuring out the quiet ones!
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Old 07-04-2017, 06:45 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,923 posts, read 7,725,991 times
Reputation: 16662
It is not that serious.....
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Old 07-04-2017, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,960 posts, read 17,351,403 times
Reputation: 30258
Good example, OP: What good is your looks (or anything else) in dating if you dont have confidence?

Its like having Lamborghini without a engine. Useless. Lol
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Old 07-04-2017, 09:01 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,870,295 times
Reputation: 17886
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Good example, OP: What good is your looks (or anything else) in dating if you dont have confidence?

Its like having Lamborghini without a engine. Useless. Lol
Very good point. His friend may be able to seal the deal bc he at least wants to, and has an end goal in mind. Bryant seems to be treading at the "here's a girl, what do I do" location.
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Old 07-04-2017, 09:19 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,218 posts, read 107,977,655 times
Reputation: 116167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilly9244 View Post
You are overthinking it. I'm way more outgoing than my husband and I asked him out. He was so shy and I was wondering if we had any chemistry, but he kept letting me know he was interested in only me and didn't play games. It turned out that he was quite a catch, and I like figuring out the quiet ones!
Exhibit A! Women do make the first move on the shy guys. We'll need you on the shy guy threads, Jilly.
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Old 07-04-2017, 09:30 PM
 
728 posts, read 472,500 times
Reputation: 436
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Very good point. His friend may be able to seal the deal bc he at least wants to, and has an end goal in mind. Bryant seems to be treading at the "here's a girl, what do I do" location.
Not true. This guy isn't a friend. He isn't aware of his creepiness. These women are half his age. They are paid to be nice. He believes they're attracted to him. He isn't getting anywhere with them.
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Old 07-04-2017, 09:36 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,870,295 times
Reputation: 17886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryant17 View Post
Not true. This guy isn't a friend. He isn't aware of his creepiness. These women are half his age. They are paid to be nice. He believes they're attracted to him. He isn't getting anywhere with them.
Are you getting anywhere? Does he think you're creepy?
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Old 07-04-2017, 09:39 PM
 
728 posts, read 472,500 times
Reputation: 436
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Are you getting anywhere? Does he think you're creepy?
They think he's creepy! Wouldn't you be creeped out if you were a waitress and a guy old enough to be your father grabbed your hand while you ordered your meal?
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