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after 7 years of dating, beginning at 16, we decided to move in together, now are constantly at each other's throat because of the clash of how we did things when we each lived alone. For instance, if I wear a coat, when I come back, that coat may end up on the hook or it may end up on the couch, more than likely the couch, but, it will eventually get to the hook.
That type of thing irritates her to the Nth degree and she'll lecture about coat hanging and say I'm a slob. She'll in turn, move stuff around when I used to know exactly where it was. Hand to God, yesterday I searched for a steak knife for 15 minutes. I'm just sick of fighting about this nonsense and what happens is, sometimes things get hurtful and thats not us.
My theory is that its just due to now having to live with someone else. When we lived alone, we each ran our apartment how we wanted, now we can't do that
Hang up your bloody coat, for starters. Understand that you are sharing your space with someone. They are doing the same. Learn to listen, be cognizant, and sympathetic to her feelings. It's a learning experience.
Why, pray tell, are you thinking about coats in the middle of the summer?
If you can't learn to do that, then it's a recipe for disaster.
Hang up your bloody coat, for starters. Understand that you are sharing your space with someone. They are doing the same. Learn to listen, be cognizant, and sympathetic to her feelings. It's a learning experience.
Basically.
This is what they talk about when they talk about relationships being a compromise.
You're sharing space, and if you can't negotiate the little things like chores and expectations, how are you going to handle the big stuff when you have a crisis?
You also need to master the art of picking your battles.
With all the other things that have to be negotiated, you'll both have to let some trivial things go. Plus that's good practice for when you have kids.
My best advice to you is to practice the golden rule. Treat her the way you would want to be treated. Be considerate. If you both do that, you'll be happier.
just wish we could just i could do my own thing w/o backlash
Plus, when I do something nice, I get chastised
That's not cool, of course. You should be able to talk to her about it, let her know that you feel disrespected when you do something nice and she chastises you.
"Doing your own thing" is something most couples have to work out when they combine households. Being treated disrespectfully is something that is inexcusable and that you'll have to monitor as time goes by.
now i have no motivation to go out and do unexpected nice things
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