Fiancee/Lover Cheated on me! Help please!! (dating, wife, how to)
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Hey Everyone! I am experiencing a Major Heartbreak right now. Ill appreciate you guys so much if you could answer me through helpful and kind answers.
I am sorry for posting the long story but please guys i want you all to read it that would be very helpful for me.
I am living in Middle East and i Got Engaged to my relative who live overseas around 4 Years back as its in our culture we do get marred in our relatives. The Engagement was based on 6 Years old Love on the time of Engagement now 10!as we both had feelings for each other. It took us a lot of time to convince our families and it finally happened. To let you guys know the reason of such a long engagement is her family wasn't prepared.
Anyways, before getting engaged to me while she was in her country of residence and we not talking, she had past like everyone does and she told me some parts of it, i didn't care much as we are suppose to leave the past behind and it wasn't a concern to me because i wasn't a part of her life at that point. She did some sexual things orally which she told me and i ignored it and loved her sincerely and accepted her past. When we got Engaged i requested her to leave the past in the past and move ahead so we can have a peaceful future like every married couple deserves. Well it all started when she flied back to her country of residence. She still had feelings for her EX after a month of her flying back she contacted him. I somehow got to know and she explained me she wanted to clarify some issues that happened in the past between them. and wanted to forgiver her ex as they broke up due to some misunderstandings. I was hurt but happy at the same time that she didn't Lie to me. I said its ok and lets move on. She again contacted him on his Birthday wished him and told him how much she misses him and spoke to his mother also. That i got to know through a mutual friend. I was very hurt i confronted she accepted and i told her its damaging me as she is breaking my trust constantly she after that spoke to her EX on phone again and messaged on Facebook. That was it! I stopped talking to her for a few days she messaged me and asked for forgiveness because i have always loved her a A LOT i forgave her again and tried understanding that her Ex was a part of her life and sometimes it gets hard to forget that person fast. Anyways my trust was terribly damaged and in a couple of arguments i brought it up and told her how she hurt me. She took it as an Excuse and said i don't Trust her and keep hurting her which i didn't want but i was Broken Inside. She after a while started Working and Saw a guy at her work where she instantly started having a Crush on him. We were still in contact. I got to know that after about 10 Days i had access of something where i could find that. I didn't want to Spy her at all but i could feel there was something up. She got this new guy's number and started talking to him. I saw the texts and i was broken my world was shattered! She told him she never really loved me she just did it for her family when actually her family was against this marriage and it took us months to convince them. I messaged her and confronted and she responded that we are two different people and i should accept the reality and move on. Long story short from here, she kept talking to him but i didn't lose hope. I kept trying to show her my good side sent her birthday gifts and Eid presents and Valentine's day presents. After a around 7/8 months of she being distant to me we did talk on and off she once said that she doesn't consider the engagement anymore but never sent the Ring back or never made her family officially call this off. After a few months she messaged me and said she is blessed to have me in her life and she appreciates my presence, that was out of nowhere. I was confused but soooo happy inside that she finally realized that what she was doing is wrong. She then started getting better with me and i saw many changes in her, she was very open about sexual stuff and the innocence she had before was very much gone. I didn't bother that much and kept talking thinking that may be she wasn't comfortable with showing that side of her before. After almost 8 9 months of we being on good terms i one day got a text from someone she knew. That person didn't disclose their identity but told me the stuff my Fiancee has done behind my back in the other country. I shut their mouth and said that can never be true as my fiancee only Talked to that guy over the phone and texts. 3 Months passed i didn't even tell my fiancee that someone contacted me and said all that because i could never think that stuff was close to any reality i thought my fiancee was too innocent for all that. But one day in an argument i said a few things to her that person told me not the whole thing because i thought saying the sexual part would be disrespectful. But i confronted she met him in person which i wasn't personally sure she would do. She became angry and started yelling at me over the phone and i then felt there is something wrong she was soo surprised that how could i guess something like this when someone had told me this. Anyways, here comes to most shocking and shattering part of my life By Far. She told me she went out with him two times and the second time was at his house where he lives alone. She stayed there for almost 3 hours. She said they kissed and he tried to undress her which she didn't let him according to her! He wanted to have sex she said she refused. He touched her everywhere and asked her to Give him Oral Sex. She ended up giving him Oral (BJ) I am sorry about the words though. But she said she did it to save her virginity. I was soooooo much in shock and my heat sank i was totally blank and lost. I could not believe that my innocent baby lover would ever do this. I always took care of her wishes and respected her and took care of her like a baby. I was sooo broken and cried so much. She told this to me after around 8/10 months of this happened. She had no plans on telling me anything but she did because someone had disclosed it to me already. Then i understand why she came back to me. That guy after getting the sexual favor never contacted her and never looked back. She was left with no choice. Our Marriage is due in a few months. I am sooooooo hurt right now. I stayed out of contact for a few weeks, she would message me and tell me she isn't the same person anymore and she regrets what happened. I ended up replying her and she asked for forgiveness i unblocked her and added her back on social accounts. I am now talking to her normally the love part from my side isn't very much t here but i still care about her and Lover her dearly. But toooooo scared about the future because she cheated on me for like 7,8 in past 4 years. I still respect her and wish to keep her happy and want to Forgive her for God and our Families and i am somewhere a little glad that she told me the truth. But very scared because when she did all this she was in contact with me and we were normal and would plan our marriage.
My pals i would be very grateful if you guys give me kind advice. I am trying to be a supportive human being that makes his wife a better person too but right now i am too broken and don't know how to plan the wedding and keep her happy when she is now expecting me to be normal like before. Please don't be mean or rude in the comments.
I am so sorry that you have been hurt like this. My ex-husband cheated on me (and lied about it) so I know very much how you feel. It hurts so bad sometimes you feel like you can't breathe.
She is not going to change. She will keep coming back to you when she is in-between affairs, but she is not going to stop having them. She is disrespecting you and your families. She knows she is hurting you and doesn't care. Please do not marry this woman! She will only bring you more heartache. You deserve someone who will respect you and your marriage vows.
Perhaps some day she will settle down and remain faithful to one person, but right now she is more interested in exploring and having a good time. You may always love her, but your love will not change her or make her true to you. Be true to yourself and let her go.
Best wishes to you, and I know you will find the right woman for you some day.
OP, I couldn't read the whole thing, but it sounds like she's not mature enough for marriage at this time. If she ever will be. It's too bad; she's very lucky to have a chance with a guy like you, but she's throwing it away. This won't work out. I'm sorry to say that your best bet is to look for someone else.
OP, I couldn't read the whole thing, but it sounds like she's not mature enough for marriage at this time. If she ever will be. It's too bad; she's very lucky to have a chance with a guy like you, but she's throwing it away. This won't work out. I'm sorry to say that your best bet is to look for someone else.
i agree. first paragraphs are your friend, especially with long posts like this one. second she cheated on you and thus us not worthy of being with you in marriage. let her go and go find someone better.
I am always trying to find something positive in every bad situation. This was an easy one. Who wants 2-3 retarded kids whom you have to take care of until you die, while your spouse is out and about with some other (related) guys?
I wouldn't wait until she cheats on you with your cousin or brother to decide to break it off.
He said it's the custom where he's from. And I assume they don't usually marry first cousins. He probably means that it's someone from his clan, not a close relative. So, not an issue. It wasn't one for Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, after all.
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This won't work out. I'm sorry to say that your best bet is to look for someone else.
