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We have offered you many examples as to why a lot of people dont remain friends with their ex lovers, but you're not grasping their personal opinions. Your answer to every example is "WHY" or "IMMATURE", LOl
i.e.) "I need time to heal my broken heart (that might take a long time) and cant do that as friends: if youre wanting to hang out, constantly calling/contact, etc.. Perhaps, later in life, many years down the road when I'm completely healed.... but life is ever-changing...and by then, I might be married with kids or with someone else, living in a different country, and he or she might have a problem with ex lovers contacting me wanting to be "friends" from many years back".
Your response: You're immature, i cant see any reason not to remain friends after the breakup!
Lol
I was really thinking you were trolling us with your "why" responses, but I'm absolutely convinced that you're naive about relationships. It seems you've never been in love, through heartbreak, and the healing process of a failed relatioship.
This is your misunderstanding.
Of course I understand specific situations that would make being friends after a breakup difficult/impossible/undesirable/whatever.
But, again, that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the concept.
I'm asking people to step outside their experience and look at the bigger picture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
They state they are not interested in people's personal opinions, but that's really all they can go off of. How a break up makes a person feel is not really a scientific or "factual" phenomenon. Break ups are going to make people feel different things. If they feel like they should not longer communicate, that's just how they feel. Same with if those two people choose to remain in contact. It's not always about "maturity."
I don't agree.
There was another conversation a while ago about whether dating could be described by an algorithm. I think this is similar.
Yes, we are all unique individuals with unique and integral (the math definition) experiences and perspectives. But, we're not so unique that there aren't basic patterns.
The pattern that I've observed among my friends and acquaintances is that people who can remain friends with their exes have better relationships and breakups (and maybe even lives) than those that don't. The ones who don't are the ones who complain that all their exes were crazy, that they are always surrounded by drama, etc.
Of course, these things are [there's a word...what is it?] are circular in their impact. Having relationships that end in friendships, of course, would make a person more likely to say that relationships can end in friendship. While having terrible breakups would have the opposite effect.
There was another conversation a while ago about whether dating could be described by an algorithm. I think this is similar.
Yes, we are all unique individuals with unique and integral (the math definition) experiences and perspectives. But, we're not so unique that there aren't basic patterns.
The pattern that I've observed among my friends and acquaintances is that people who can remain friends with their exes have better relationships and breakups (and maybe even lives) than those that don't. The ones who don't are the ones who complain that all their exes were crazy, that they are always surrounded by drama, etc.
Of course, these things are [there's a word...what is it?] are circular in their impact. Having relationships that end in friendships, of course, would make a person more likely to say that relationships can end in friendship. While having terrible breakups would have the opposite effect.
You just answered your own question but we'll just agree to disagree.
I personally don't feel there is anything else beyond people are going to feel how they feel, and they shouldn't have to explain other wise.
You just answered your own question but we'll just agree to disagree.
I personally don't feel there is anything else beyond people are going to feel how they feel, and they shouldn't have to explain other wise.
It is what it is.
That's all there is to it IMO.
I'm interested in understanding what lies behind perspectives that are unlike my own. I'm not invested in wrong or right...just curious about people. Nobody HAS to explain anything, but I appreciate those who are willing to. This forum helps me stave off a lot of boredom.
I think that being friends with my exes seems a lot less stressful, than the one breakup I had where that was impossible. So I wonder why some would defend (what seems to me) a negative thing so fiercely.
I'm interested in understanding what lies behind perspectives that are unlike my own. I'm not invested in wrong or right...just curious about people. Nobody HAS to explain anything, but I appreciate those who are willing to. This forum helps me stave off a lot of boredom.
I think that being friends with my exes seems a lot less stressful, than the one breakup I had where that was impossible. So I wonder why some would defend (what seems to me) a negative thing so fiercely.
Helps them move on.
Close that chapter in their lives for good.
Don't want to live in the past.
Relationship was abusive.
Makes it easier not to dwell on the failed romance.
They just don't get along.
Grew apart.
Etc.
I'm talking about the concept.
I'm asking people to step outside their experience and look at the bigger picture.
We get what you are asking. Multiple people have addressed this point:
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
For myself I view it more from a perspective of respect. A respect towards whomever I may be see romantically after a relationship has ended and what is attempting to be accomplished by seeing one another in that capacity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan
Only after long enough of a time has passed where neither one of you still have any attraction for or to the other.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
People dont have the ability to see into the future. People change, and hearts change all the time, sometimes for the worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I want a partner again and therefore I find it totally inapropriate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Have you remained friends with everyone you've ever met? Life changes, people change, circumstances change.
These are the only ones I care to highlight right now.
Most everyone here understands the concept of being friends with exes and has said that, in certain circumstances, it can work. You have backed yourself into a corner, however, and keep bulldogging it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CBeisbol
The pattern that I've observed among my friends and acquaintances is that people who can remain friends with their exes have better relationships and breakups (and maybe even lives) than those that don't. The ones who don't are the ones who complain that all their exes were crazy, that they are always surrounded by drama, etc.
Of course, these things are [there's a word...what is it?] are circular in their impact. Having relationships that end in friendships, of course, would make a person more likely to say that relationships can end in friendship. While having terrible breakups would have the opposite effect.
This makes YOU feel superior, but it's your theory, and that's all. We got it! Time to move on.
And I think this is immature thinking.
I think, in all areas, it's important to analyze and understand why we feel the way that we do about things.
It's not about what YOU think though and you don't know whether they understand it or not. Just because they refuse to explain themselves to you or there response is not to your liking, doesn't mean they are immature or don't understand what they're feeling.
A lot of them probably DO understand. They just feel no need to change and are comfortable with who they are and how they feel.
If they are happy and not hurting anyone, there's no problem.
We get what you are asking. Multiple people have addressed this point:
These are the only ones I care to highlight right now.
Most everyone here understands the concept of being friends with exes and has said that, in certain circumstances, it can work.
Have I asked those people for more information to further understand their viewpoint?
I think I've mostly asked the people who say you can't or that they would never remain friends to explain their viewpoints. Because that's the one I don't understand.
Quote:
You have backed yourself into a corner, however, and keep bulldogging it.
What are you even talking about?
Quote:
This makes YOU feel superior, but it's your theory, and that's all. We got it! Time to move on.
What are you even talking about?
I'm still trying to understand the people who say that they would never, in any circumstance, remain friends with an ex and that other people shouldn't either. So, why is it time to move on?
If you believe people who dont remain friends with ex lovers are immature, then you have your answer. No more need to ask for any further explanations. You only believe in one viewpoint....and that's yours.
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from many years back". 
Time to move on.
