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I can only conclude, you have little no dating experience, because of your lack of understanding about human behavior when it comes to relationships and matters of the heart.
You strongly believe, ALL friendships are meant to last forever, and anything less is being immature; reality says otherwise. As Ive said many pages back "people change....hearts change ... life is ever-changing.
I'm curious, how many romantic relationships have you been in?
I saw nothing about friendship lasting forever.
I see other posts being more absolute about it being completely impossible if romance was part of the equation before.
CBeisbol is just talking about people being unwilling to acknowledge that there are some humans in this world who can and do have perfectly good, healthy friendships with exes. Being utterly opposed to the very concept.
I don't see CBeisbol (or me, or anyone) saying that all former romantic partners can or should be friends, let alone that said friendships should last forever. But I don't understand why the very concept of it is so repugnant for some.
Certainly, if the relationship ended badly, people got hurt, or someone was very toxic, or there are other unresolved or unresolvable problems...no, you don't want a friendship to go on from there...but to those opposed to the notion, does that really describe EVERY breakup or ended relationship you've ever had? Never just acknowledged you had some differences that made it not work as a relationship, but realized that the friendship piece was good, and could continue?
As for people and hearts changing...absolutely. Sometimes the relationship can evolve, because hearts changed, and the people no longer want to be romantic partners and instead want to be friends.
Past relationships where an ex was toxic, abusive and had cheated SHOULD be looked at as a wound - a wound that, once healed, should STAY that way; and the only way for it to STAY healed is for a smart person to NOT have anything to do with that ex.
Is anyone saying otherwise?
However, if ALL, or a majority, or more than a few, of a person's relationships had been of this type, I would see that as a red flag.
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You make it sound like every ex is eligible to be friends with a person
I don't believe that I've given that impression at all.
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What you fail to realize though, is that not everyone wants to be 'friends' with their ex, even if that ex wasn't particularly toxic or didn't cause them any emotional pain.
Why wouldn't you?
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Me personally, I'd bail and find a guy who doesn't keep his exes orbiting around him.
Why would you?
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Sometimes...people just want to part company with an ex and STAY parted. Forever.
Why?
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Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
You strongly believe, ALL friendships are meant to last forever, and anything less is being immature;
I do not believe that I've said that at all. Would you please quote what I've said that has lead you to that belief.
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I can only conclude, you have little no dating experience, because of your lack of understanding about human behavior when it comes to relationships and matters of the heart.
I think you conclusion is based upon a faulty premise - you're attributing a position to me that I have not taken.
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I'm curious, how many romantic relationships have you been in?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,809,416 times
Reputation: 41398
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I saw nothing about friendship lasting forever.
I see other posts being more absolute about it being completely impossible if romance was part of the equation before.
CBeisbol is just talking about people being unwilling to acknowledge that there are some humans in this world who can and do have perfectly good, healthy friendships with exes. Being utterly opposed to the very concept.
I don't see CBeisbol (or me, or anyone) saying that all former romantic partners can or should be friends, let alone that said friendships should last forever. But I don't understand why the very concept of it is so repugnant for some.
Certainly, if the relationship ended badly, people got hurt, or someone was very toxic, or there are other unresolved or unresolvable problems...no, you don't want a friendship to go on from there...but to those opposed to the notion, does that really describe EVERY breakup or ended relationship you've ever had? Never just acknowledged you had some differences that made it not work as a relationship, but realized that the friendship piece was good, and could continue?
As for people and hearts changing...absolutely. Sometimes the relationship can evolve, because hearts changed, and the people no longer want to be romantic partners and instead want to be friends.
My view is based on the premise of no going back. Once romance is introduced, were lovers or nothing, far as I’m concerned. I’m not going to keep you around as a reminder of what I can’t have. Bye bye bye.
Location: In the cold, dark wasteland of eternity...
926 posts, read 675,114 times
Reputation: 1525
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Originally Posted by CBeisbol
Why wouldn't you?
Because some people just want to go on with their lives without having a 'friend' around them who is a constant reminder of a failed romantic relationship. And, for other people, some of them have just had enough of that person and no longer wish to have them in their life in any capacity. Why is this concept so difficult for you to grasp?
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Why would you?
Because I just would. Period. Not everything requires an explanation.
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Why?
See my first response to your 'Why wouldn't you?" question above.
My view is based on the premise of no going back. Once romance is introduced, were lovers or nothing, far as I’m concerned. I’m not going to keep you around as a reminder of what I can’t have. Bye bye bye.
Right. It's not that people are so opposed to the idea (concept) it's that they just don't see the point in keeping that person around in their lives. I've dated a number of women who are great and lovely people that wanted to be friends after the split and my overriding thought is usually, "why?" Just because I date someone doesn't mean I need to keep hanging out with them afterwards. It doesn't make them, or me, a bad person. I just happen to have other people I'd rather be around and doing things with going forward.
Time is finite in most people's lives and the actual friends that get my free time are the ones that were there before the aborted relationship as they're usually the ones that will be there after the relationship ends. If I just wanted to make a new friend I'd go out and get one. Most people don't date with the intent to make friends if the relationship doesn't work out.
Because some people just want to go on with their lives without having a 'friend' around them who is a constant reminder of a failed romantic relationship. And, for other people, some of them have just had enough of that person and no longer wish to have them in their life in any capacity. Why is this concept so difficult for you to grasp?
Rep for you, April. I don't see why this is so much of an issue for a couple of folks on here.
Because some people just want to go on with their lives without having a 'friend' around them who is a constant reminder of a failed romantic relationship.
Why does that person have to be a reminder of a "failed" romantic relationship?
Why can't that person be a reminder of all the good things that lead you to be in that relationship in the first place?
Why can't that person, like other friends, be a reminder of good times from the past?
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And, for other people, some of them have just had enough of that person and no longer wish to have them in their life in any capacity.
Why can't two people just realize that they aren't meant to be together in a romantic capacity, but still enjoy each other's company?
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Why is this concept so difficult for you to grasp?
Why is it so difficult for me to grasp that most people have predominantly negative memories of their past relationships?
Because that's not been my experience.
I do understand that that happens sometimes.
I don't understand that it happens every time for some people
Because I just would. Period. Not everything requires an explanation. [/quote]
This is a discussion forum
Maybe you missed the point of posting here.
I'll try again. Why would you not want to be friends with an ex who you don't have negative associations with?
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See my first response to your 'Why wouldn't you?" question above.
See my response to your response.
Odd that people on a discussion forum aren't willing to discuss the topic, but keep posting in the thread.
So, I'll try again. What do you find objectionable about a guy who has had good enough relationships in the past to remain friends with some of his exes?
How is that better than a guy who doesn't?
That you don't want to answer these questions speaks to what Sonic_Spork (I think) said earlier about people not taking the time to examine their relationships.
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Originally Posted by The Dissenter
My view is based on the premise of no going back. Once romance is introduced, were lovers or nothing, far as I’m concerned.
Why?
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I’m not going to keep you around as a reminder of what I can’t have. Bye bye bye.
Here's why.
And here's why and why I find people who have this kind of mindset to be people I'm less likely to want to date.
This is just not a sign of a mature relationship or breakup.
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Originally Posted by Foggy HalfNelson
Right. It's not that people are so opposed to the idea (concept)
It seems like there's a lot of people who are opposed to the concept.
Or they aren't good at expressing themselves.
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I've dated a number of women who are great and lovely people that wanted to be friends after the split and my overriding thought is usually, "why?" Just because I date someone doesn't mean I need to keep hanging out with them afterwards.
Nor does it mean that one shouldn't.
So, again, why are some people so opposed to the concept?
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Most people don't date with the intent to make friends if the relationship doesn't work out.
No.
But aren't the things one looks for in a friend, generally the same as what they look for in a relationship?
So, why is it strange that some people who started as a relationship would become friends?
lol Ok, you're one of those types that just likes to be contrary. People are going to do whatever they want to do in their lives. No one has to explain it to you and frankly I don't see why you even care. If you're just going to keep parroting "why" over and over again then there's no point in even trying to reason with you. Good luck with your idiocy. Have a good night!
You're not trying to understand. You just keep saying 'why' to whatever anyone says like an annoying toddler. Again, no one has to explain anything to you and since you seem to lack fundamental understanding of what an actual discussion entails I'm just going to put you on ignore now so I can stop seeing your stupidity. Again, have a good night.
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