Is my boss into me? How can I get him to ask me out? (advice, couple)
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This is especially true in the case of potential office romances, whether there be a power differential, or not.
Not everyone works in a cubicle in a Fortune 500 company where the perils of such an romance are beaten into your head constantly. I met my own wife at work. We know a lot of couples, married and long-term, that met at work. There are other, valid beliefs in the world, people.
She covered that (the company does not have a policy directly prohibiting dating), and I gave her ways to find out about significant other. If she invites him to a party, he'll either bring a S/O, or she can ask where his S/O is when he shows up without one. If he says he doesn't have one, boom. If she invites him to the event with the extra ticket, he'll undoubtedly decline due to his S/O.
I find it odd that a company does not prohibit superiors from dating subordinates.
Keep romance out of the office, especially when a Supervisor or Manager is involved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OY!
^^What they all said!
Assuming the OP is serious, it's a bad move, especially when it involves your direct manager/supervisor. It becomes awkward for everyone not to mention people's jobs are at risk. If this job means nothing to you, quit first then start up something with him (assuming he's not married).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
Not everyone works in a cubicle in a Fortune 500 company where the perils of such an romance are beaten into your head constantly. I met my own wife at work. We know a lot of couples, married and long-term, that met at work. There are other, valid beliefs in the world, people.
No one mentioned anything about the size of the company, or the field. Even in the face of not having policies against it, it certainly shows poor judgment and absolutely would or should hinder advancement.
I know of people that met at work, but they most certainly stopped working at the same company before dating. They were professional.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
It's such a bad idea. But some people have to learn by doing, unfortunately.
A lawsuit or two often helps that along. At least regarding company fraternization policies.
You haven't been here very long. I'm actually being pretty nice to you right now
It sounds really cool and glib to say, "I'd rather regret the things I haven't done." I've said that myself, as a young dumb woman.
But I DO regret a lot of things I've done. I regret the pain I have caused people by pursuing emotions that I actually COULD do something about. We aren't animals who have to follow instinct and can't learn from previous encounters.
If someone came to the Parenting subforum and asked how they could rig their car so their 6-year-old could drive it because they can tell he's gonna be a pretty good driver and he really really wants to, I'm not just gonna answer the question. You can bet I'm gonna tell them why the whole idea is stupid in the first place.
As for company policy, there's legal reasons and ethical reasons to do things. OP needs to back off and try to do the right thing because she can, not because she has to.
Doesn't really matter how long I've been here--whether it's my 1st post or my 33,000. It's an online forum--you don't own it.
As to your analogy, not even close to equivalent. One potentially puts the safety and even life of a minor child in jeopardy. OP's situations, at worst, creates an awkward work environment for a couple of people. It's not the end of the world, so to equate it to the "pain" you've caused people by pursing emotions is a bit hyperbolic.
As someone who's has had an office romance, best advice....don't do it. I did that in the past and if/when you breakup, it makes work hell. Not to mention, it may be against corporate policy.
There's an old saying...don't crap where you eat. That rule applies here.
Doesn't really matter how long I've been here--whether it's my 1st post or my 33,000. It's an online forum--you don't own it.
As to your analogy, not even close to equivalent. One potentially puts the safety and even life of a minor child in jeopardy. OP's situations, at worst, creates an awkward work environment for a couple of people. It's not the end of the world, so to equate it to the "pain" you've caused people by pursing emotions is a bit hyperbolic.
"awkward work environment" lolol
Being here long enough would have given you the perspective to have read the dozens of posts from people who have made themselves (and others, if it matters to you) miserable by pursuing romance with coworkers. For every fairy tale about meeting at work are three other stories about stalking, humiliation, and yes plain ol' awkwardness that makes people change jobs, sometimes setting back their own careers.
But romance with superiors? I hope I don't really have to spell out why that is such a horrible idea.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,007,908 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
Doesn't really matter how long I've been here--whether it's my 1st post or my 33,000. It's an online forum--you don't own it.
As to your analogy, not even close to equivalent. One potentially puts the safety and even life of a minor child in jeopardy. OP's situations, at worst, creates an awkward work environment for a couple of people. It's not the end of the world, so to equate it to the "pain" you've caused people by pursing emotions is a bit hyperbolic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
"awkward work environment" lolol
Being here long enough would have given you the perspective to have read the dozens of posts from people who have made themselves (and others, if it matters to you) miserable by pursuing romance with coworkers. For every fairy tale about meeting at work are three other stories about stalking, humiliation, and yes plain ol' awkwardness that makes people change jobs, sometimes setting back their own careers.
But romance with superiors? I hope I don't really have to spell out why that is such a horrible idea.
You know, the problem is, people think it is just between the two adults involved. IT IS NOT. Complaints often come from other workers, they perceive (real or imagined) favoritism, other co-workers feel like they atmosphere created reduces morale, they feel like they cannot speak to supervisors frankly due to personal relationships between a supervisor and a co-worker of theirs. For starters. The problems are extensive.
It's the same with sexual harassment. People seem to think it is just between two people. It is not. A full half of the complaints at some companies/orgs I worked with came from third parties complaining about the atmosphere created.
You know, the problem is, people think it is just between the two adults involved. IT IS NOT. Complaints often come from other workers, they perceive (real or imagined) favoritism, other co-workers feel like they atmosphere created reduces morale, they feel like they cannot speak to supervisors frankly due to personal relationships between a supervisor and a co-worker of theirs. For starters. The problems are extensive.
It's the same with sexual harassment. People seem to think it is just between two people. It is not. A full half of the complaints at some companies/orgs I worked with came from third parties complaining about the atmosphere created.
It's just not smart to go there.
Exactly.
And if the OP is going to continue as a contract worker, her habits WILL be talked about from company to company. Her reputation will precede her.
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