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Being here long enough would have given you the perspective to have read the dozens of posts from people who have made themselves (and others, if it matters to you) miserable by pursuing romance with coworkers. For every fairy tale about meeting at work are three other stories about stalking, humiliation, and yes plain ol' awkwardness that makes people change jobs, sometimes setting back their own careers.
But romance with superiors? I hope I don't really have to spell out why that is such a horrible idea.
I have seen enough to know around here, though, that when an Original Poster posts more, later information that maybe makes some other posters' advice less germane, those posters still refuse to back off their earlier assertion. With OP's original post, yes, avoiding this relationship was absolutely the best advice. However, with the new info, it's clear that OP's situation doesn't fit in the neat little box that merits such black-and-white advice.
She has more than one job. She doesn't need this particular job. If something goes wrong, she could walk away tomorrow and have no issues. She's not trying to move up in this company. It doesn't appear that a relationship would have an adverse effect on her career wise. While the boss is technically her "boss," as OP is an independent contractor, it's not a traditional boss/subordinate relationship. There is no concrete policy concerning fraternization.
Since she's in a position where she could just walk away tomorrow, if her actions create an environment that is too awkward, she could just walk away. Knowing that, if pursing this is that important to her, I see no reason why she shouldn't go for it. Again, if it doesn't work, she can walk. If it works but creates waves at work, she can walk. This is really a low risk, high reward sort of situation if she thinks there could be long-term potential with this man. Again, it's not a traditional situation that lends itself to black-and-white advice.
Lure him into behavior that could jeopardize his job? She's already stated that the company doesn't have an express policy on dating of coworkers/subordinates. I've worked at those companies that say they "frown upon" dating. Yeah, that's gonna hold up in court.
The point would be NOT to end up in court, to have a little foresight. In an employment at-will state no one ends up in court anyway, whether they think they got fired for sleeping with a subordinate, or think they got fired for not sleeping with their boss. Who's got the time and money for lawsuits, when the alternative is just find "love" somewhere else?
It's not important if she doesn't need the job, is she going to need a good reference from previous employer? Just because one doesn't need the job is no reason to die on the I'll Sleep With Who I Want Hill and have "terminated" listed as a reason for leaving. Bad decisions just show poor judgement, not bravery and romance.
This is really a low risk, high reward sort of situation ...
It's no wonder, with rationalizations like this ^^^, that so many people float through life trying to stay in a gray area.
I mean, the OP needs to look a little farther than her own shadow. There are SO many other ways this can go wrong, and has been pointed out already, this affects many more people than just her.
You are encouraging an outlook that is very self-centered and selfish. And short-sighted.
The point would be NOT to end up in court, to have a little foresight. In an employment at-will state no one ends up in court anyway, whether they think they got fired for sleeping with a subordinate, or think they got fired for not sleeping with their boss. Who's got the time and money for lawsuits, when the alternative is just find "love" somewhere else?
It's not important if she doesn't need the job, is she going to need a good reference from previous employer? Just because one doesn't need the job is no reason to die on the I'll Sleep With Who I Want Hill and have "terminated" listed as a reason for leaving. Bad decisions just show poor judgement, not bravery and romance.
Ok, I get it: Your corporate culture has made you all risk-averse. I get it. But, it's kind of sad.
It's no wonder, with rationalizations like this ^^^, that so many people float through life trying to stay in a gray area.
I mean, the OP needs to look a little farther than her own shadow. There are SO many other ways this can go wrong, and has been pointed out already, this affects many more people than just her.
You are encouraging an outlook that is very self-centered and selfish. And short-sighted.
Again, I'm not encouraging anything. She didn't ask for my or your permission.
I think your best best is to try and find a way to spend some time with him out of work in a casual way. There's a couple different things I have done in the past you could try:
Good luck, OP. The only things I regret are the things I haven't done, the moments and opportunities I let slip by. In most cases my advice is always going to be: Love is worth the gamble. Hope you find it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by djsuperfly
So, if you genuinely want this to happen, you'd have to make the first move.
You should tread lightly, OP, but that doesn't mean there aren't options.
Title of thread: "Is my boss into me? How can I get him to ask me out?"
I answered both of these questions; the rest of you...not so much.
Sure, you answered the question. But SHOULD you have?
I mean, timberline and I hardly ever agree on anything. SO at least you brought the two of us together today. But if we both are telling you you're wrong, you should at least consider it. hahahaha!
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