Is it normal practice to ask a middle aged woman’s parents for her hand in marriage? (husbands, young)

[rego00123]

It’s tradition that is “more or less” asking to be accepted in to the family.

It’s not “normal” practice/protocol anymore unless you follow a faith or belief that emphases the importance of family.

It’s not about the bride, It’s about a familial bonding.

It’s clear to see why that wouldn’t be a huge importance to many people given the general life structure we live within

[Chowhound]

Unless you're living in a small town in the mid west and a regular church goer I doubt most people are bothering to ask for her hand in marriage.

[Angry-Koala]

Originally Posted by Adrian75

My friends fiancés both asked the parents for permission to propose. One friend on her 3rd marriage at 46 and my other friend at 43 on her second marriage. I didn’t think it was still a tradition, especially when you are older.

It's a fad lately in America, sort of a trying to go back to the "good old days" when a woman was property and her father got to decide whether or not she could marry someone. What if the parents had said no? Would the fiancés have given up and walked away? Then again, they could elope, but what a silly thing for somebody in their late 40s to do.

[TabulaRasa]

I got engaged at 36, married at 37. My husband was 40/41. Neither of us ever married prior.

My husband, unbeknownst to me, called my parents (who live 600 miles away, and he'd meet once) a week ahead of time to give them the heads up that he'd be asking me if I wanted to marry him. Not a permission situation, just being inclusive and keeping them in the loop.

It is, in contemporary society, more a show of good faith that you recognize that you'll be adjoining two different families, and keeping everyone a part of things, with respect to the family unit.

It was never a permission or patriarchy thing. My parents, who do everything as a team, jointly gave my husband their blessing and were thrilled. They both walked me down the aisle, too, as was my choice...not a giving away, but a celebrating with us.

[Hulsker 1856]

I think my father-in-law would have been disgusted had his daughter chosen to marry a man who thought that he had any say in her marriage.

I respected him by not presuming that he was a cultural dinosaur.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

I got engaged at 36, married at 37. My husband was 40/41. Neither of us ever married prior.

My husband, unbeknownst to me, called my parents (who live 600 miles away, and he'd meet once) a week ahead of time to give them the heads up that he'd be asking me if I wanted to marry him. Not a permission situation, just being inclusive and keeping them in the loop.

It is, in contemporary society, more a show of good faith that you recognize that you'll be adjoining two different families, and keeping everyone a part of things, with respect to the family unit.

Despite my posts in this thread, I do find what your hubby did to be a nice thing. Respectful, and that doesn't go out of style.

[TabulaRasa]

It was, and they already thought he was a class act. That just solidified it.

[CBeisbol]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

It was never a permission or patriarchy thing.

Are you sure that it was never a permission or patriarchy thing?

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by CBeisbol

Are you sure that it was never a permission or patriarchy thing?

I was speaking of my specific situation.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by CBeisbol

Are you sure that it was never a permission or patriarchy thing?

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

I was speaking of my specific situation.

I think it depends on the situation. I suppose way back in the day it originated that way, but I don't think it's really a patriarchy thing so much today. Just more of a respectful gesture, but like I said up thread I wonder how often it still happens. I'm figuring not so much but that's just an anecdotal viewpoint. Don't have any stats to back it up.