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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50663
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So you dated during the spring/summer of your high school graduation and now you've gone to different colleges 6 hours away and neither of you has made the effort to get together? Right there doesn't sound good at all.
Will you see her over Thanksgiving? My guess is, you'll know a lot more soon.
And yes, you're not being "paranoid". You're being completely realistic.
Honestly, you two are awfully young to be in a long-distance relationship.
You have too much to experience, too many new people to meet, to tie yourselves down to someone 5 hours away.
Love makes it hard to walk away, but if you have suspicions that are going to make you constantly question her, then you don't trust her, and love cannot overcome that. You owe it to yourself and to her to pull away and date other people while you're apart.
I repped this post; Birdie just nails it. College puts you in a situation that's impossible to replicate once you graduate and get out in the real world. You have tons of potential partners around. Would I rather take a shot at someone who's here at the same place I am? Or should I spent the time pining for someone far away, and miss out on what's here in front of me?
I understand how you feel. It hurts to think of her with someone else. There's not a lot you can do. Without asking her anything further about the other guy, just tell her you want to bow out. You can save face a little and not have to have the tough conversation that confirms what we already know. The amount of time they spend together, and where they spend the time, tells pretty much the whole story.
During the summer before I left for college, I dated someone who was really great and felt really in love. But, I was going to college 500 miles away and she was staying home. We stayed in close touch after I left but we didn't try to have a long distance dating relationship. It hurt to think of her potentially dating other people, and I wondered if we should try to make a go of it. At the same time, I enjoyed meeting new women and asking them out. I got a lot of "no" answers along the way, but they got me closer to a "yes."
You're young. Have fun. Find a partner you can see every day, rather than trying to keep things going via text, phone calls and FaceTime. That gets old after a while.
Aaron it's concerning she doesn't care as you said how you feel about all this alone time w the other guy... a partner who loves/ values you would care
Even if she's not actually cheating, it is a red flag she dismissed your feelings on it
I have a pretty strong gut feeling about it to be honest, I try and not let myself get paranoid, but I just can't seem to think that she must be. Some of the stuff just doesn't make any sense
Trust your gut. If you 2 are in college I fail to see how you can expect fidelity from one another in these times. I think you're expecting a lot more than another person is capable of. The trick is to not expect much from another person these days it seems.
Read The Chimpanzees Of Gombe. Patterns Of Behavior by Jane Goodall and take a walk around and observe what goes on around you. Make your plans accordingly.
99% of all relationships that begin in the senior year of high school die within a matter of months of the couple leaving for separate schools. This is a prime example.
Out of sight out of mind. Sorry bro but maybe your gut is not wrong. If she is spending time with this one guy all the time then she is probably hooking up or could at anytime with the help of alcohol. The other guy is going to try everything to get in her pants unless the guy is gay. You're in a lose-lose situation. If you keep hounding her on this dude and her hanging out so much alone with him, etc. She will flip it on you by saying that you don't trust her and how relationships need trust, you're paranoid, etc. If you allow it to continue, she will get bold and hook up with the guy out of loneliness, etc. She is in the power position. She has the other guy on a hook (so if she wanted to hook up, have sex, etc it would be easy to do) and she still has you at home. She has a plan A and B.
You are 18. IMO, you should not be looking for a long-term marriage relationship. Have fun, date around but be honest with yourself and the lady. IMO, long distance relationships are difficult to make work. (especially if you and your girlfriend are surrounded by temptation.)
Thats what I'm worried about.. She sometimes goes out and party, but drinks every weekend, and goes out with him, and some other friends.
This is what she has done, exactly what you said. Saying that I need to trust her, and saying I'm just paranoid, and says that I don't trust her. She hangouts with him every around every weekend, or maybe like once every two weekends.
Just yesterday night she had ANOTHER guy in her room with her from like midnight till 6 in the morning, claiming the dude was just opening up about being bi, and she tried saying that this other guy was GAY, but when I came down to visit, he said he was having sex with other girls. I'm not sure what to do. I love her, but half of me also wants to call it off just because I just can't trust her knowing this information. I'm at a loss, I have no clue what to do. I feel like she is just lying to me and hiding things
So you dated during the spring/summer of your high school graduation and now you've gone to different colleges 6 hours away and neither of you has made the effort to get together? Right there doesn't sound good at all.
Will you see her over Thanksgiving? My guess is, you'll know a lot more soon.
And yes, you're not being "paranoid". You're being completely realistic.
Yes, I've visited her before, and have visited her again, and I plan to go down next week, we plan visits, but she's too busy to come down to where I am, so I go down to where she is.
Another thing I forgot to mention, is that I am taking the year off, and she is at university. We live in Canada, 6 hours away. I'm currently working to save up money to afford going to university, and I plan my time around her schedule because her program consumes a lot of her time. The only people I'm really meeting are just people at work.
Quite honestly, if she is or is not isn’t the issue you are having.
That would just be the symptom of the larger issues surrounding you and her. Why wait until you have to hear about some sexual act before you come to terms with things?
How does that change how you feel about her already?!?
The only thing it does it create an instant out for you and anything having to deal with the situation surrounding boundaries, trust and respect between the two of you.
You’re just going to keep getting the same old stories from her, true or untrue.
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