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I'm more concerned about the kid at home being 10. That's a deal breaker for me, that young of a child still at home would be more of a concern than the two failed marriages, although that is somewhat of a red flag. I'm a bit older than the OP so I'd probably run across more women that had kids that were a bit older and more self sustaining. I think mid to late 30's is kind of a weird time if you're looking to date a woman without kids or preferring women with older kids.
OP, it really comes down to how you feel. In asking for advice, you'll find people supporting not dating someone for much more pale flags than two divorces. You can also find lots of stories of couples where one had a bright crimson flag, or three, which the other person worked past and is forever thankful he or she did. But if it feels wrong to you, you won't likely give it a real chance to work.
So if your concern is more along the lines of conventional wisdom, or some borrowed standard that doesn't feel all that important to you, maybe date the person and see where things go. But if it feels really off, don't force yourself. That won't be good for you of her.
OP: I would just date and see how it goes, are you in a hurry? I was married once and once was enough...I'm not great marriage material. To me it's more than just a word, it can be a Sentence. I have NOT seen a lot of good marriages. Have some fun.
Last edited by jaminhealth; 11-28-2017 at 05:49 PM..
I’m not sure I see the downside? She’s certainly not looking for you to be a daddy nor does she likely want you to move in. I think this could be a quite good thing for you TBH.
You aren't even dating and you are already thinking about your life together?
It is how the 2 of you get along, not what happened in the past. You may be giving up on a great woman because of something you don't really know about.
Maybe both divorces were her fault. People change. She may still turn out to be the perfect person for you.
Then again she may not want another relationship and you are just wasting your time.
IMO someone should have their fitness as a spouse questioned if they have been divorced twice. Now your situation is a unique situation which has a very valid explanation provided someone is willing to hear it. But otherwise, two broken marriages should be cause to pause for a person deciding to date you or not. It can be an indicator of trouble, not in every case, but definitely not something to just cast aside.
I agree (I'm sorry I didn't add that to my comment.) They need to ask their partner about the circumstances before coming to a decision. I was more angry about those posters saing those comments when they know nothing about the woman or her divorces..
I'm more concerned about the kid at home being 10. That's a deal breaker for me, that young of a child still at home would be more of a concern than the two failed marriages, although that is somewhat of a red flag. I'm a bit older than the OP so I'd probably run across more women that had kids that were a bit older and more self sustaining. I think mid to late 30's is kind of a weird time if you're looking to date a woman without kids or preferring women with older kids.
^^^^^This. People marry the wrong people all the time. Her first two husbands may have been jerks, and with the divorce rate as high as it is, I don't think it is an issue, but kids may be.
Two divorces is a poor risk. I am amazed at some of the comments. These are the same people who trash never-married people over 40 who haven't shacked up with another person also and claim they are "red flags."
The person is a poor risk because she can't stay married. One marriage and divorce, yeah, that might be a youthful mistake, but c'mon.
Try and find a woman who has never been married, not somebody with a bunch of emotional baggage. There is nothing more pathetic than women who go from man to man to man or husband to husband to husband because she thinks she has to have a man around to feel "complete."
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