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I have been with my current girlfriend for almost a year now, she is sweet and a very good person to be with when she is sober. Over the course of almost a year, we had numerous fights because she gets drunk and becomes a totally different person. She promised that they she will not do it again every time but always jumps back and forth every time. It is extremely stressful dealing with someone who is drunk and dont know what they are doing to someone else. She would apologize after a couple of days and we're back to together. But i do not know if this is the right person for me anymore. A great night out can change into a nightmare when she gets drunk. Have anyone had experience dealing with people like that before? Can i please get some advice...
Thanks!
One thing you need to establish is whether she's a drunk or an alcoholic. A drunk will go out and have too much to drink, but can function fine without it under normal circumstances. An alcoholic will have a dependency on the alcohol and need it to survive. Does she only drink excessively when you're out? Or is this more of a common occurrence taking place at home?
I would approach her at a time when she's sober and in a relaxed state to discuss the issue. Just tell her that the frequency coupled with the way she behaves when heavily drinking is putting a strain on your relationship and that there needs to be some changes. Maybe start off small and try to help her drink less in general. If that doesn't work, see if you can find places to go that don't serve alcohol (or that aren't built around drinking, such as a bar). If that fails, you could try to get her professional help.
If she is an alcoholic, things will be much more difficult. It can be done, but will take a lot of work. Keep in mind, people can't be helped unless they have a desire to get help. She needs to recognize that there is a problem and take action. After you've approached her on it, if things don't begin to move in a positive direction, break it off. You can only do so much; don't let it put a damper on your life. The ball is ultimately in her court. Hope this helps.
One thing you need to establish is whether she's a drunk or an alcoholic. A drunk will go out and have too much to drink, but can function fine without it under normal circumstances. An alcoholic will have a dependency on the alcohol and need it to survive. Does she only drink excessively when you're out? Or is this more of a common occurrence taking place at home?
I would approach her at a time when she's sober and in a relaxed state to discuss the issue. Just tell her that the frequency coupled with the way she behaves when heavily drinking is putting a strain on your relationship and that there needs to be some changes. Maybe start off small and try to help her drink less in general. If that doesn't work, see if you can find places to go that don't serve alcohol (or that aren't built around drinking, such as a bar). If that fails, you could try to get her professional help.
If she is an alcoholic, things will be much more difficult. It can be done, but will take a lot of work. Keep in mind, people can't be helped unless they have a desire to get help. She needs to recognize that there is a problem and take action. After you've approached her on it, if things don't begin to move in a positive direction, break it off. You can only do so much; don't let it put a damper on your life. The ball is ultimately in her court. Hope this helps.
Thank you!
I think she used to be an alcoholic after a rough relationship, but it is not my problem.
I dont think she is ready to change and I am ready to walk.
Thank you!
I think she used to be an alcoholic after a rough relationship, but it is not my problem.
I dont think she is ready to change and I am ready to walk.
When my first wife was a teenager and for some of her college days she used drugs. Valium and speed stuff like that. She got clean for a few years met me and we had a kid bought a house and started our version of the American dream. FF 3 years and she's hooked on meth and embezzling money where she works. I ended up losing almost everything and she runs off with another meth freak, I fight for and get custody of my daughter. She goes on for some years living on the streets or whatever and gets tossed prison for 12 years for dealing and accessory to murder.
It's not going to get better. My mistake was hoping she could kick the habit and or had.
Sure thing ... end the relationship and do not look back. The dysfunction and abuse that comes from drunks will typically worsen over time. If there is one thing to always remember, it would be that people do not change in meaningful ways (if at all).
Yea, you gotta get outta there. Unless its a parent or a child, you need not ruin your own life to try to whip her alcoholism. It can't be done as so many have already told you. Get dump her and don't look back unless she gets about 3 years in AA, totally sober and drug free.
Usually the alcoholic enjoys being rescued. Is that your role? It's rare that a well rounded person would openly choose an addict as a mate. So it begs to ask..What role do you play in her life? Fwiw,I'm 26 years sober and I've sat thru years of BS stories told by the addict and their mates. Sometimes I was astounded that the rescuer actually wanted the addict to remain ill. So that they could get their egos stroked on how much better they were then the drunk. But let the sick one get well and the mate got upset that they were no longer glorified +martyr for putting up with the antics. So if indeed you are of sound mind..Let her be. Neither rescue or attempt to make her well. Her time will come..
If you are ready to leave, as you say, I would tell her that and give her an ultimatum to go to AA or you will leave. If she has health insurance, the better alternative is to tell her to go into in-patient treatment or you will leave her. Finally, if you live in an area where treatment centers do family interventions, I would set one up. The end point of these interventions is for family members and loved-ones to confront the alcoholic and get them to commit to going into treatment, or else. they often work.
Ordinarily, I'd say give her an option to either quit, if she's not a true alcoholic or get into a program if she is.
However, it doesn't sound like you really care enough to support her through that so would suggest you just go on your way.
I have several close friends who are in recovery. They will always face different challenges than those of us who are not addicted. It’s not an easy path.
If you want to leave this relationship, do so. No one will blame you for it.
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