Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
thanks for your reflection. I tried to see the situation in too many layers/fascettes maybe.
But I do not think it is generally a thing about being weak male or female, but rather about very basic respect of an individual.
I mean, I never felt the urge to talk that guy down or anything - while in opposite HE always mentioned my flaws whenever possible.
mysticaltyger,
I am not sure why it is so hard to keep the ballance and stay focussed.
While at work I am highly efficient and everybody respects me a lot, I have many good people friends and so on.. she and her friends talk about me like I am the devil or something. No gift is the right, no words are nice enough.. all that talking behind my back and lies.
My brain knows there is something odd, but when she switches to her "cute and kind" mode, she is suddenly the person I used to know from the beginning and I doubt my own judgement.
OP, consider the possibility that you're an emotionally-battered partner. The bolded is a common dynamic in that type of relationship. The batterer tends to have a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type of personality, flipping back and forth between sweet and abusive. The battered partner justifies staying in the relationship by telling him/herself that the batterer is truly a good person underneath the problems, and that the abuse is "only" the result of passing "moods", or some such. Sometimes the victim even blames him/herself for the abusers outbursts. ("I set him off", or "I need to be more careful with the words I use/behavior/whatever around him/her".)
your insightful thoughts gave me actually some hope that it is not only me who is doing wrong all the time.
I had to take the responsibility for her rage/name calling and so on many times, otherwise she would rage even more. After her massive outbursts, she even pretends nothing happend or she couldn't remember saying some particular things or the mess she left.
Even my health is decreasing rapidly in the last few months.
But my friends, co-workers and everyone thinks she is so cute and nice and warm. She would never say such horrible things to anyone (but that guy who has a crush on her) or even in public that is what makes it so hard to judge. It is like getting crazy through all those lies.
Break-up seems unavoidable, but everything is such a mess.
your insightful thoughts gave me actually some hope that it is not only me who is doing wrong all the time.
I had to take the responsibility for her rage/name calling and so on many times, otherwise she would rage even more. After her massive outbursts, she even pretends nothing happend or she couldn't remember saying some particular things or the mess she left.
Even my health is decreasing rapidly in the last few months.
But my friends, co-workers and everyone thinks she is so cute and nice and warm. She would never say such horrible things to anyone (but that guy who has a crush on her) or even in public that is what makes it so hard to judge. It is like getting crazy through all those lies.
Break-up seems unavoidable, but everything is such a mess.
OP, this is not normal behavior. This is not a psychologically-healthy, stable person. These are symptoms of some kind of illness. Leave ASAP, before it gets worse, and before it affects your health and well-being even more, and find someone who's happy and healthy. Even being alone is better than this. Pay no attention to friends' and co-workers' opinions. Do what you know is best for you. Have faith in your own perceptions.
You either accept she is who she is and keep this lady around and accept all the lies and silly behavior in the process or don’t accept her for who she is and move on with you life and time.
Nobody here can “make you” do anything for you. You have to make choices for yourself and learn it’s not about her. It’s about what YOU need for yourself.
Here's what you say.... This friend will never sleep over again or in leaving you. Period. I swore I wouldn't post in this section again but the OP needs to be a man. Actually you should probably just leave her. She's a manipulator
If she's lying, cut bait. I don't care how attracted to her you feel, if you have no trust, you will be utterly miserable with her. Paranoia and jealousy are hideous things to feel. If you can't get any other woman on Earth, it's better to be alone than with someone you know is a liar.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
