Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A month ago, I tried OLD for the first time and was able to actually go on a date with a finance guy who seemed fairly normal and attractive. We are both single and in our late twenties. The date went really well, there was a lot of chemistry and good vibes. When we parted, he was keen on seeing me again and asked me out to meet again the next week and he kept in touch. However, on the day of the second date, he cancelled a few hours before with a legit reason (family), though he wasn't very apologetic. He then went on a business trip to Chicago and suddenly bombarded me with a lot of texts and even phone calls. One time, we talked for over an hour where he spilled his guts to me about his life philosophy and asked me a lot of questions. I was flattered by all the attention, though I was a bit taken aback at how much info he shared. This went on for about a week. Then, when he returned, the texts and calls stopped. He basically ghosted for almost two weeks and then texted that he was very busy with work. The day after, he texted "what are you doing tonight?" And tried to make last minute plans with me. I was already feeling off, concluding that he was only talking to me during his trip because he was bored and needed attention, so I rejected him and said I would prefer to plan dates in advance. He replied two days later and asked me if I can see him this weekend.
Now I know the obvious answer is that he is not treating me as a priority and that I'm just one of his options, but then again, we only went on one date. He has no obligation to commit to me, and I'm currently not looking for anything too serious. Also, even though I don't like his texting personality, I remember him being a decent guy in person. That being said, I'm used to old fashioned dating where men usually have enough manners to set up dates with me and follow through. Should I give this guy another chance and risk him being flakey again during this holiday season (I don't want to have cancelled dates on holidays) or is it better for me to move on? If so, what's a good way to reject him without seeming angry/cheap/immature? I find ghosting to be rude and don't want to become a ghoster. If it's ok to give him a second chance, what can I say to make sure he follows through?
If you liked him well enough to want to see him again, and he has done as you said and asked in advance, why not?
(There's nothing you can do to prevent him from cancelling but if he does, that's the end)
sounds like he may be married, or committed to someone else. Any last minute changes or trying to arrange a last minute date usually signifies he's committed and you're a sidepiece. If you're getting uneasy feelings now, drop this potato before you get burned. Don't commit your feelings if he's not willing to commit his time.
Give him another chance but take this slowly. Don't invest a lot in this until you're sure. It's not going to hurt if you tap him on the shoulder either. Women need to reach out more in some cases.
Should I give this guy another chance and risk him being flakey again during this holiday season (I don't want to have cancelled dates on holidays)
why should this even matter to you?
do you think every single one of your plans in life ALWAYS works? so if you didn't spend it with him, would your "next" plan work out any better?
make a date with him doing something/somewhere you enjoy. whether he shows up or not, you can continue to proceed doing what you planned on doing regardless because you would have done it anyways
if you planned on staying home and cooking/watching tv, then invite him over and tell him to order pizza or bring groceries to cook. you end up staying at home and watching tv in both cases. Or if you want to go try some new food, do that with him and again, you end up doing it with or without him...
this never made sense to me, I don't care if people flake on me, I'm already there doing what I want. If they don't want to do it with me, why should it hurt my feelings? nothing off my shoulders. the way I see it, the chance is to spend time with me, I don't need to give a "chance" to spend time with myself. if it was the other case, and I want to spend time with someone else, I would make time to do so
He actually listened when you said you'd prefer something planned in advance? Take a chance. If he cancels, he cancels. If he ghosts, let him go. But be careful, guard your heart, don't jump into anything too fast. Do whatever you can to find out if he actually is single and available - there are tons of committed/married scammers online.
But keep your options open on OLD also. Keep on meeting and dating people until you find someone who appeals to you, who is consistent and reliable in actions that demonstrate he is interested in you too. Don't tie yourself up too fast.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
