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"Hanging out at the mall with her dad" means she was with another guy. She's throwing an "I miss you" your way because she feels a little guilty about deceiving you, not so guilty that she'll be honest or stop it, of course.
I've experienced this, surrender. It sucks not trusting a woman, once you don't trust her, it will never work. Life is miserable when you have to keep tabs on someone. Just let her go. Your sanity will thank you.
Understood and thank you for the input. So do you think it would be wise to just not reply to her text at all, or just say something like "ok"....she also asked how my day was going lol....so I mean ignore her for a few days or completely, or just respond casually and match her txt ratio and just leave it like that however far that goes?
Ok, so I will try to make this as concise as possible.
I'm 33 and recently started community college in the hopes to transfer to a 4-year university. Back in October, I met a 21 yr old girl that really caught my attention, and despite*suffering from social anxiety I approached her and offered to help her in class since she seemed to be struggling. We exchanged numbers and we began texting every day. I eventually found out through connecting the dots, that my mom used to babysit her and that my mom is very close friends with her parents. This didn't really create an issue but it was fun talking about it and reminiscing about her being little while I was already an adult lol.
So things were great, we used to hang out 2-3 days a week for at least 8-10 hrs at a time. We have incredible sexual chemistry and most of the time we kissed and gave each other oral, however, we still haven't*had sex because she wants to be on bc which she just got a few days ago.
We are very different in personality, but we do have a lot of common interests and were making an effort of learning more about the interest*which we don't share. One major difference though*is that I consider myself a sort of traditionalist and want a serious relationship, and she's more liberal and is hesitant*because she feels like shell get hurt like she has before once. But slowly she started showing that she is open to taking it to the next level. However, one red flag that has me concerned is that she has a lot of male friends, and mostly only male friends. She is what I would consider "boy crazy," she has many postings of sexy guys on her FB*although we're not friends there yet I lurk. She is constantly talking about how this guy this or this guy that and I've always kept my cool and never made a fuss about it although I was hurting inside. She also sometimes hangs out with them in the early part of the day because she says she can't be at home with her parents and wants to leave the house.
Anyways, so after a month of us dating, she met another of our classmates in our class, which coincidentally*I began to talk to as well because he's a cool guy. He's 18 and then they eventually hung out and went to the movies. I questioned that and she said he's only her friend. I told her I wasn't too happy about it and to this day she has continued contact with him even though she says she likes me and only me. But what I've noticed is that she always does things to try to make me jealous, like she wants to feel that from me but I did not give in and maintained my composure.
2 weeks ago she went*out of the country for vacay and while there she continued her quest to make me jealous, this time with her male cousin, she said he wanted her to sleep in his room and then sent me pics of them going to the beach alone. Then when we would talk on the phone she would spend most of the time talking to him in the background*and I would not put up with it and would say*I had to go. I eventually expressed my discontent and she toned it down and eventually started it again. I began to just ignore it and the first week while she was away we had an incredible connection and we texted 24/7. One night something came up when I finally told her how I felt about her talking to all the other guys and if she would be ok with me talking to other girls because if that was the case I was cool with it just neede to know. She said no and she wanted us only.
A few days later something came up where I told her I was driving past her house on my way somewhere and she said that's what stalkers do and then I said that I would never stalk her (even though I probably would) and that seem to upset her a bit because before she has alluded that she would welcome me stalking her. This was a few days after Xmas and things went downhill from there. Texts became less, although we've been here before for a few days we eventually pick it back up. Anyways texts decreased so I thought I'd give her space her being with her family which I had already made clear to her anyways.* I think she lied to me about when she actually returned because it was 2 days after she had initially told me (initially 27th and she changed it to 29th) and when I asked her she evaded the questions and seems not genuine. Then the day when she was supposed to return (this past Wednesday) she said in the morning that she wouldn't be able to text me until Friday because her phone was not working properly. Then on Thursday evening, she texts and says oh my phone is working, then she sent me a screenshot of an event we were talking about and the time is the same as our city even though were she was supposed to be at is a 2-hour difference. So then whatever the texts have been very minimal last few days and she seems rather off and distant. last night I invited her to a meteor shower watching event on Wednesday and she seemed not interested, so I said don't worry about it, it's cool. Then this morning at 11 I sent here a text good morning and when I could see her, and that I had tried calling her and it went to voicemail. I asked her if I could see her tonight. It is now 3 pm and still no response.* Although it is very typical of her to not text for 2-3 hours, all things considered, makes me feel like something's up and I have the nagging feeling that she may be with the guy I mentioned earlier.*
I forgot to mention that we are not officially bf/gf but it sure does feel like it.
So these are the 3 things I may think is causing her to act this way:
1. Is having one of her moods but this time extended
2. She is falling for this other guy even though not even 2 days ago she was sending me still somewhat affectionate texts and she insists that she does not like this guy, and even posted a quote* on her wall were it says that "why can't good friends accept just friendship instead of wanting something more"...something to that effect.
3. She is growing bored of our relationship although we have a few events lined up in the next few months.
4. She saw a video of Utah hiking on my FB where a girl commented that she would go with me in a heartbeat if I invite her and I just said "sure one day we should take a road trip sometime" even though I was just being polite. However, this girl has commented compliments on some of my recent pics, and although my girl is not my friend, is it possible that she may be stalking my FB as well? Anyways so she has very low self-esteem issues, she may be feeling particularly vulnerable and thinking that because I've been somewhat cold with her (because of wanting to not give in to her trying to make me jealous and also giving her space with her fam) she may think I'm seeing this gal and because she has an extremely difficult time expressing her emotions/feelings, she may be acting out of spite or to protect herself.
5. Something else?
What do you guys think? What if she says no we can't see each other tonight, should I confront her and tell like "so whats going on just give it to me straight...you're obviously acting different and it's cool if you want space but just let me know, or if you are not feeling it tell me, it will hurt me but at least I rather you be honest with me". Something like that or what would be the best way to handle it?*
On the one hand I don't want to pressure/overwhelm her or come across as weak or clingy, but on the other hand, I don't want her to think I'm messing around with others because I honestly only want her. Also, if there is something going with her and the other guy I obviously also want to know. This is like driving me crazy I like her so much and I think I'm very close to loving her, and besides this past week, she has demonstrated the same for me.
Thank you in advance.
This is your idea of concise? You’re too old for her, find someone closer in age.
Ok, so I will try to make this as concise as possible.
I'm 33 and recently started community college in the hopes to transfer to a 4-year university. Back in October, I met a 21 yr old girl that really caught my attention, and despite*suffering from social anxiety I approached her and offered to help her in class since she seemed to be struggling. We exchanged numbers and we began texting every day. I eventually found out through connecting the dots, that my mom used to babysit her and that my mom is very close friends with her parents. This didn't really create an issue but it was fun talking about it and reminiscing about her being little while I was already an adult lol.
So things were great, we used to hang out 2-3 days a week for at least 8-10 hrs at a time. We have incredible sexual chemistry and most of the time we kissed and gave each other oral, however, we still haven't*had sex because she wants to be on bc which she just got a few days ago.
We are very different in personality, but we do have a lot of common interests and were making an effort of learning more about the interest*which we don't share. One major difference though*is that I consider myself a sort of traditionalist and want a serious relationship, and she's more liberal and is hesitant*because she feels like shell get hurt like she has before once. But slowly she started showing that she is open to taking it to the next level. However, one red flag that has me concerned is that she has a lot of male friends, and mostly only male friends. She is what I would consider "boy crazy," she has many postings of sexy guys on her FB*although we're not friends there yet I lurk. She is constantly talking about how this guy this or this guy that and I've always kept my cool and never made a fuss about it although I was hurting inside. She also sometimes hangs out with them in the early part of the day because she says she can't be at home with her parents and wants to leave the house.
Anyways, so after a month of us dating, she met another of our classmates in our class, which coincidentally*I began to talk to as well because he's a cool guy. He's 18 and then they eventually hung out and went to the movies. I questioned that and she said he's only her friend. I told her I wasn't too happy about it and to this day she has continued contact with him even though she says she likes me and only me. But what I've noticed is that she always does things to try to make me jealous, like she wants to feel that from me but I did not give in and maintained my composure.
2 weeks ago she went*out of the country for vacay and while there she continued her quest to make me jealous, this time with her male cousin, she said he wanted her to sleep in his room and then sent me pics of them going to the beach alone. Then when we would talk on the phone she would spend most of the time talking to him in the background*and I would not put up with it and would say*I had to go. I eventually expressed my discontent and she toned it down and eventually started it again. I began to just ignore it and the first week while she was away we had an incredible connection and we texted 24/7. One night something came up when I finally told her how I felt about her talking to all the other guys and if she would be ok with me talking to other girls because if that was the case I was cool with it just neede to know. She said no and she wanted us only.
A few days later something came up where I told her I was driving past her house on my way somewhere and she said that's what stalkers do and then I said that I would never stalk her (even though I probably would) and that seem to upset her a bit because before she has alluded that she would welcome me stalking her. This was a few days after Xmas and things went downhill from there. Texts became less, although we've been here before for a few days we eventually pick it back up. Anyways texts decreased so I thought I'd give her space her being with her family which I had already made clear to her anyways.* I think she lied to me about when she actually returned because it was 2 days after she had initially told me (initially 27th and she changed it to 29th) and when I asked her she evaded the questions and seems not genuine. Then the day when she was supposed to return (this past Wednesday) she said in the morning that she wouldn't be able to text me until Friday because her phone was not working properly. Then on Thursday evening, she texts and says oh my phone is working, then she sent me a screenshot of an event we were talking about and the time is the same as our city even though were she was supposed to be at is a 2-hour difference. So then whatever the texts have been very minimal last few days and she seems rather off and distant. last night I invited her to a meteor shower watching event on Wednesday and she seemed not interested, so I said don't worry about it, it's cool. Then this morning at 11 I sent here a text good morning and when I could see her, and that I had tried calling her and it went to voicemail. I asked her if I could see her tonight. It is now 3 pm and still no response.* Although it is very typical of her to not text for 2-3 hours, all things considered, makes me feel like something's up and I have the nagging feeling that she may be with the guy I mentioned earlier.*
I forgot to mention that we are not officially bf/gf but it sure does feel like it.
So these are the 3 things I may think is causing her to act this way:
1. Is having one of her moods but this time extended
2. She is falling for this other guy even though not even 2 days ago she was sending me still somewhat affectionate texts and she insists that she does not like this guy, and even posted a quote* on her wall were it says that "why can't good friends accept just friendship instead of wanting something more"...something to that effect.
3. She is growing bored of our relationship although we have a few events lined up in the next few months.
4. She saw a video of Utah hiking on my FB where a girl commented that she would go with me in a heartbeat if I invite her and I just said "sure one day we should take a road trip sometime" even though I was just being polite. However, this girl has commented compliments on some of my recent pics, and although my girl is not my friend, is it possible that she may be stalking my FB as well? Anyways so she has very low self-esteem issues, she may be feeling particularly vulnerable and thinking that because I've been somewhat cold with her (because of wanting to not give in to her trying to make me jealous and also giving her space with her fam) she may think I'm seeing this gal and because she has an extremely difficult time expressing her emotions/feelings, she may be acting out of spite or to protect herself.
5. Something else?
What do you guys think? What if she says no we can't see each other tonight, should I confront her and tell like "so whats going on just give it to me straight...you're obviously acting different and it's cool if you want space but just let me know, or if you are not feeling it tell me, it will hurt me but at least I rather you be honest with me". Something like that or what would be the best way to handle it?*
On the one hand I don't want to pressure/overwhelm her or come across as weak or clingy, but on the other hand, I don't want her to think I'm messing around with others because I honestly only want her. Also, if there is something going with her and the other guy I obviously also want to know. This is like driving me crazy I like her so much and I think I'm very close to loving her, and besides this past week, she has demonstrated the same for me.
Understood and thank you for the input. So do you think it would be wise to just not reply to her text at all, or just say something like "ok"....she also asked how my day was going lol....so I mean ignore her for a few days or completely, or just respond casually and match her txt ratio and just leave it like that however far that goes?
I would let her contact you first. If she doesn't, never talk to her again.
I would let her contact you first. If she doesn't, never talk to her again.
Yeah, she did just text though.
She's been distant the past 3-4 days.
I texted her this morning at 11 that I tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail and if I could see her tonight.
She didn't respond until 5 pm and said she was at the mall all day with her dad.
She said she won't be able to use her car until Wednesday and since the beginning, I haven't been allowed to pick her up because her parents don't allow guys to pick her up. Her parents are really close friends of my mom and nobody knows we are dating lol.
It sucks that after not seeing each other for almost 3 weeks, she doesn't seem to want to make to effort to see me, while I have a really strong suspicion that she may have already hung out with this other guy.
So, the question is this, after her acting really distant with me and talking to the other guy and possibly lying, should I casually respond to this latest string of text from her, or just ignore her for a few days or maybe altogether?
I texted her this morning at 11 that I tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail and if I could see her tonight.
She didn't respond until 5 pm and said she was at the mall all day with her dad.
She said she won't be able to use her car until Wednesday and since the beginning, I haven't been allowed to pick her up because her parents don't allow guys to pick her up. Her parents are really close friends of my mom and nobody knows we are dating lol.
It sucks that after not seeing each other for almost 3 weeks, she doesn't seem to want to make to effort to see me, while I have a really strong suspicion that she may have already hung out with this other guy.
So, the question is this, after her acting really distant with me and talking to the other guy and possibly lying, should I casually respond to this latest string of text from her, or just ignore her for a few days or maybe altogether?
3 weeks??
With that and what you have posted, I would have already moved on (and have done in the past, and actually fairly recently).
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