How is it actually like being a man in his 30s who looks good, has his life together, but doesn't actively chase women? (conversation, looking)
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I don't know why the ignorant assumption is being made that the guys are just targeting the hottest women. I honestly don't even want a hot woman. I'd be happy with a below average woman but it is hard even getting attention from them.
Most of the women I've dated have been average looking, the same has been the experience from the men I know. One of my cousins told me, "very attractive women are too much work." I don't where that assumption comes from that men want the hottest women out there.
Most of the women I've dated have been average looking, the same has been the experience from the men I know. One of my cousins told me, "very attractive women are too much work." I don't where that assumption comes from that men want the hottest women out there.
I think this is not the assumption of the average person, in fact that has been my argument...that the average person DOES find love.
I think the hottest woman thing comes from posts like the one poster who exploded onto here a couple pages back to talk about how important looks are - in all caps and bolded, no less. You must admit we see this many times here on CD, as well as comments on market value, minimum "number" requirements, and other indicators that the woman does not *physically* measure up even she it is evident that the complainer is plain at best.
But that is here, and generally from very frustrated guys. It is no stretch to understand that if these guys looked on the inside too, and had a different attitude, they would not be lonely, or not for long, anyway. So that is generally what they are told, and a blank storm generally ensues.
But the *average* person isn't like this, CD-R is more of a microcosm. I bet most here understand that. We look around us and see people matching up, very few said people either supermodels or troglodytes; both of these are extremes, and outliers. Average is called average for a reason.
Yes! It should bother him if she doesn't think he is sexy. I don't know about the conventionally part, though. I think women think about what WE want, conventional or not.
Yes, if a spouse realizes he or she is not attractive to his or her partner but married for some other reason, there is a problem. I know comparatively few people who married with no attraction, though. I am seriously beginning to feel bad for some of the apparent upbringings around here, though. Wow.
I saw more of this many years ago...the much older crowd...she married him because he could support her, he married her because he knew she would cook and clean and raise the children...but even then there was at least some attraction there...I dunno, you guys. I really feel for what is behind some of the answers on this thread. I suggest moving beyond your circle, these extremes are definitely not the majority. Not since 1931 or so.
You always here women can be turned on by non physical traits with men but it seems like bs..
You always here women can be turned on by non physical traits with men but it seems like bs..
And maybe not learning from how people really feel, but rather, deciding you must be right, is what is keeping you from success.
Not definitely but maybe.
'Cause there is a saying: if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what ya got.
And FTR, men are turned on by things other than physical traits too. If you simply can't be, if you can not imagine any nonphysical part also turning you on, well, that is probably your second major problem. I have heard guys say a billion times (and have seen this in action), "Wow, she seemed great for two seconds...until she opened her mouth...box of rocks...forget it!"
Yeah. It happens. For realz. People really do look at other people as a whole person and fall for that whole person. Even the quirks, including the physical ones...that little mole suddenly looks adorable...the glasses are sexy and studious...that crooked little smile is TDF.
And maybe not learning from how people really feel, but rather, deciding you must be right, is what is keeping you from success.
Not definitely but maybe.
'Cause there is a saying: if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what ya got.
And FTR, men are turned on by things other than physical traits too. If you simply can't be, if you can not imagine any nonphysical part also turning you on, well, that is probably your second major problem. I have heard guys say a billion times (and have seen this in action), "Wow, she seemed great for two seconds...until she opened her mouth...box of rocks...forget it!"
Yeah. It happens. For realz. People really do look at other people as a whole person and fall for that whole person. Even the quirks, including the physical ones...that little mole suddenly looks adorable...the glasses are sexy and studious...that crooked little smile is TDF.
Ehh I know my looks are holding me back.. if i was better looking I wouldn't be friendzone by a women who lives me and says I'm her favorite person on earth.. it's mostly about looks.
And im not looking for perfection at all just a women I find attractive or cute at least somewhat..
Ehh I know my looks are holding me back.. if i was better looking I wouldn't be friendzone by a women who lives me and says I'm her favorite person on earth.. it's mostly about looks.
And im not looking for perfection at all just a women I find attractive or cute at least somewhat..
Really?
So when you go to stores, when you pump your gas, when you go to family gatherings, when you walk around town, when you go to work, you *mostly* see very good looking guys with women? And the average guys are all alone?
You don't see MOSTLY non-gorgeous non-rich guys among the dating/marrieds you know or just see everywhere you go? Balding guys? Kinda chubby guys? Average face? Kinda big nose? Could lose a few pounds? Etc.? Flaws, normal, average flaws? And yet they're loved?
ETA: if your answer is, no, you do not see average non gorgeous guys with women, where you live every hooked up girl is with a physical specimen of hummana-hummana, then please let me know your locale. I am sending every one of my single girlfriends there.
That is your family and their bad luck or bad choices bit that is by far not every family. Therefore I can see where your extreme feelings are coming from.
I'm not entertaing your straw man.
Most men marry trash because they settle. 50% of men being married means zilch.
So when you go to stores, when you pump your gas, when you go to family gatherings, when you walk around town, when you go to work, you *mostly* see very good looking guys with women? And the average guys are all alone?
You don't see MOSTLY non-gorgeous non-rich guys among the dating/marrieds you know or just see everywhere you go? Balding guys? Kinda chubby guys? Average face? Kinda big nose? Could lose a few pounds? Etc.? Flaws, normal, average flaws? And yet they're loved?
ETA: if your answer is, no, you do not see average non gorgeous guys with women, where you live every hooked up girl is with a physical specimen of hummana-hummana, then please let me know your locale. I am sending every one of my single girlfriends there.
I'm not saying that of course most people pair up.. I'm saying if I want to attract a women I'm attracted to I may need to improve my looks..which is why I want to get a nose job..
I'm not looking for a perfect 10 by any stretch and i have a pretty diverse taste in women but I want to be able to attract women I'm attracted to..
You always here women can be turned on by non physical traits with men but it seems like bs..
It seems like bs because you are focused on your own experience and the narrative, the script, that you're living. You can't possibly be paying attention to other people or you'd notice the many men who aren't great looking but have found female companionship. Sometimes far more physically attractive than they are.
Of course these men had a different outlook that wasn't deeply self defeating perhaps, or something else going for them.
RedWings18, I'd say plenty of PEOPLE settle for trash, given the number of women I know who are miserable in their marriages, too. But those marriages don't last forever. And eventually, people find their level. It's real interesting to see what directions people go after a divorce, ya know? I have a loving attentive man who treats me like gold, and invites to hot springs and mountain retreats, the love and respect of some really amazing people, that I am grateful for every moment of every day. My ex is being rejected by a heroin-addicted prostitute and thief who is on the run from the cops. He offered to "save" her and she was having none of it. She tried to get him to take her to a motel so she could hide from whatever trouble she's in now, and he offered to do it "for a price" and she called him names and stopped speaking to him.
I don't dare talk to his family, because I look back now and I know they all loved me because I kept him on a reasonably straight path for the most part, at least until the end when I lost control of him. I'm sure they'd blame me for the position he lives in now.
Men and women both make mistakes and marry losers. Usually hoping that things can be good, or better, if only we try hard enough, work hard enough. But eventually people gonna be who people gonna be.
My ex would agree with men here, in thinking it is only because I'm female and good looking that I have "options" while he, ugly (or so he thinks) and male, has none. Personally I think it's got more to do with the fact that I'm not a bitter, angry, toxic mess who basically hates people. I like people. And so, people like me. Isn't that weird, that people would respond better to being treated with decency, kindness and genuine goodwill, rather than only a desire that reeks of desperation and crazy?
I don't know why the ignorant assumption is being made that the guys are just targeting the hottest women. I honestly don't even want a hot woman. I'd be happy with a below average woman but it is hard even getting attention from them.
I don't see average women give/show any signs that they're interested or approachable. The more attractive women seem to be more confident and do that more.
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If you simply can't be, if you can not imagine any nonphysical part also turning you on, well, that is probably your second major problem. I have heard guys say a billion times (and have seen this in action), "Wow, she seemed great for two seconds...until she opened her mouth...box of rocks...forget it!"
