When someone says... (woman, love, friends, partner)
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If a guy says he wants exclusivity, because it would provide him with “security”, but that if you later broke up, it would not be “a failure”, is he sufficiently into you or are you his security blanket? He also says that he loves you, and later tells you he loves you but when he aays that what he is hoping to do is provide a level of comfort and security for you so that you feel comfortable. Essentially, is he asking for exclusivity because he likes you a lot, or because he is insecure and needs someone?
The big red flag here is that he is being careful to put in his escape clause before you've even made this agreement. Most people who desire exclusivity aren't thinking of the potential "failure" of the relationship well ahead of time in quite this way.
He wants YOU to sleep around but if he does, and you find out, well, don't worry; at least it wasn't like it was a failure or anything.
Just my take. I'd be turning that down gently and continuing to look around, personally.
For me, saying he loves in order to make me feel secure would NOT be what I was looking for in a partner.
But once again, you have someone that seems a little..... different.
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Also, provide a level of comfort....wow, straight out of PUA. Look it up. Seriously, this is directly how men are told to get a woman to sleep with them. He just happened to be kind of bad at it, using the L word and then realizing he shouldn't have. Oh man. I'd dump this dude.
It sounds OK to me but just from someone that is pretty clumsy in his wording.
I'll bet that more people than already have are going to attach too much negative importance on his use of the word security.
After all, this is amateur psych central
Different as in she has another guy saying weird stuff. Unless I am confusing her with another poster.
If a guy said the stuff in the OP to me I'd be like "WTF?" and outta there..
I've never had a guy into me who said stuff like that.
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Different as in she has another guy saying weird stuff. Unless I am confusing her with another poster.
If a guy said the stuff in the OP to me I'd be like "WTF?" and outta there..
I've never had a guy into me who said stuff like that.
Ok. I do tend to be meeting some wierd ines. OLD for you I guess.
I have met dome good people too. I think I will be gently and kindly moving on from this one. That was my gut feeling, the escape clause. To me, i look at commitment as a big step, and I would be looking for it to become more serious, not casual with an out. I am trying to narrow my field and I think this one isnout.
If a guy says he wants exclusivity, because it would provide him with “security”, but that if you later broke up, it would not be “a failure”, is he sufficiently into you or are you his security blanket? He also says that he loves you, and later tells you he loves you but when he aays that what he is hoping to do is provide a level of comfort and security for you so that you feel comfortable. Essentially, is he asking for exclusivity because he likes you a lot, or because he is insecure and needs someone?
When you asked him these questions what did he say?
It sounds OK to me but just from someone that is pretty clumsy in his wording.
I'll bet that more people than already have are going to attach too much negative importance on his use of the word security.
After all, this is amateur psych central
The reality is that people don't usually come onto anonymous forums worried like this if they don't already have a concern. The OP even named those specific concerns, nobody pulled these suggestions out of a hat and stepped on an otherwise great relationship or something.
Sure, some people panic over nothing but the OP's feelings must also be taken into consideration since only she knows exactly how all this went down.
I generally feel (when questions of this type come up) that the person already must have asked actual friends and didn't get the response she wanted to hear, or else she knew what she might hear so she skipped real life associations altogether, looking for hope in strangers. That is just how life works. No psych degree required.
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I'd dump this dude.
