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It's not this cut and dried..."using" v. "not using." If it were, nobody would ever get stuck in these situations, wondering for months.
I don't think most people make a conscious decision to use someone and then stay the course or anything. She knows the attention feels good; she has fooled herself into thinking if she remains "friends" with you, you'll be less hurt. And then eventually somehow it will all just fade away, you'll meet some great girl or something and you and she at "just friends" forever or...well, she probably stops thinking about it right there. Cross that bridge, etc.
For now she "needs" her good friend and tries not to think about how it really just feels so good to be so wanted.
She isn't a monster, she isn't deliberately being cruel, but, well, you seem to be getting something out of it too, and anyway, she never made any promises...so...she's not REALLY hurting you..in her mind...she IS at least being a friend...
This is all just a guess. But a strong one. I could be wrong. If you want to take that gamble, do so, and I honest to God hope and pray you prove me wrong. I honestly do.
I get the trip part but the affection part and holding my hand in the bar across the table from each other would be a pretty big and almost deliberate way to use me especially not too long after Valentine's Day if she thinks I like her no?
And as far as the attention she gets a lot of random guys hitting on her all the time so it's not like she's starved for male attention if she wants it.
I get the trip part but the affection part and holding my hand in the bar across the table from each other would be a pretty big and almost deliberate way to use me especially not too long after Valentine's Day if she thinks I like her no?
And as far as the attention she gets a lot of random guys hitting on her all the time so it's not like she's starved for male attention if she wants it.
Underneath it all, subconsciously she knows she has to give you *something*.
Because she knows you're not hanging around because you just really really like having her for a friend.
Guys hitting on her is a direct thing. She HAS to give a yes or no. They don't hang on and hang on, slavish and hopeful.
Maybe she doesn't ask because she doesn't have to, if you are willing to do it, she's going to let you. Some people may say you know, I don't really like him like that, so I'm not going to accept those things. if what you are saying is true, she knows how you really feel, and she knows you want to be more than friends. But she is just stringing you along, because you allow her to do that. And if you have any questions, and you guys are so friendly and close, why don't you ask her how she feels? Or is it because you really know the answer?
I hate awkward situations and if she said no that would make things pretty damn awkward for me at that moment lol..plus as I said there are signs she's not that into me as well so obviously I have some reservations otherwise I would have done it already instead of on here talking to you about it..i never said she's definitely into me..i said I'm confused..
Plus part of me would hate to loser her friendship/companionship so maybe I'm using her as much as she's using me.
But in the end once one or both of us get into a relationship where rarely gonna see each other anymore anyway so I might as well ask her out even if it hurts our friendship..
I get the trip part but the affection part and holding my hand in the bar across the table from each other would be a pretty big and almost deliberate way to use me especially not too long after Valentine's Day if she thinks I like her no?
And as far as the attention she gets a lot of random guys hitting on her all the time so it's not like she's starved for male attention if she wants it.
She may not be starved for it, but it doesn't mean she still doesn't want it or will turn it down. And holding your hand doesn't mean much, she may appreciate you taking her out for Valentines day, and that's why she did it. But don't read anything into it.
Underneath it all, subconsciously she knows she has to give you *something*.
Because she knows you're not hanging around because you just really really like having her for a friend.
Guys hitting on her is a direct thing. She HAS to give a yes or no. They don't hang on and hang on, slavish and hopeful.
But you do.
She held hands with me at this bar way before I showed any interest in her..it was last summer when she initiatedccontact with me when I didn't see or reach out to her in probably 7 or 8 months at that point.
And "slavishly" is pretty strong I do love her as a person and am afraid to lose her friendship is apart of it..
Slavishly would be if I did nothing but buy her stuff to get her attention..
She may not be starved for it, but it doesn't mean she still doesn't want it or will turn it down. And holding your hand doesn't mean much, she may appreciate you taking her out for Valentines day, and that's why she did it. But don't read anything into it.
I got her a gift never took her out..and as I said she held hands with me last summer there as well way before I showed any interest in her..
I got her a gift never took her out..and as I said she held hands with me last summer there as well way before I showed any interest in her..
And???? This isn't the 1800's. I hold hands with women who are my friends all the time or we walk arm in arm. It's all part of being a male buddy to them. Look, I'm only being a PITA, because I have been through this before, and like you I was like well....being friends is better than nothing, and I WAS WRONG! It really hurt bad, and yes we did trips together, went to shows together, she even kissed me on the cheek occasionally, but in all I was just a guy doing stuff with her and for her, and it was all good until she got a boyfriend, then guess what? No more friends, I still aint heard from her. So I decided then and there, no more friends with women, unless I can look at them the same way I look at my guy friends. This friendship you have with her is more on you, than her. And what happens when she starts seeing someone else? Cause she will, will you still be her buddy? Do yourself a favor, tell her to s*** or get off the pot, and if she doesn't want more, move on. It may hurt in the beginning, but in the long run, you will be better off for it.
And???? This isn't the 1800's. I hold hands with women who are my friends all the time or we walk arm in arm. It's all part of being a male buddy to them. Look, I'm only being a PITA, because I have been through this before, and like you I was like well....being friends is better than nothing, and I WAS WRONG! It really hurt bad, and yes we did trips together, went to shows together, she even kissed me on the cheek occasionally, but in all I was just a guy doing stuff with her and for her, and it was all good until she got a boyfriend, then guess what? No more friends, I still aint heard from her. So I decided then and there, no more friends with women, unless I can look at them the same way I look at my guy friends. This friendship you have with her is more on you, than her. And what happens when she starts seeing someone else? Cause she will, will you still be her buddy? Do yourself a favor, tell her to s*** or get off the pot, and if she doesn't want more, move on. It may hurt in the beginning, but in the long run, you will be better off for it.
That's what I've been saying..Even the 50 percent part of me that thinks she's not into me wants closure and why I want to still ask..
Even the part of me that wants a friendship knows like you said once she gets into a relationship the friendship is not the same..
She didn't reach out to me till her relationship ended last time ..
I don't believe the friendships more me then her though I think she genuinely loves me as a friend at the very least but might be naive on how the relationship will be when she gets into another relationship..
But you're making it seem like I don't care about her as person or friend and only as someone to go out with which isn't true I would like to see her again even if she says no just not too soon because seeing her with someone else would hurt..
Fair enough but hypothetically even if just sees me as a friend is she really using me if we go on a trip? Or she really likes me as a friend and wants to go on a trip because she enjoys my company like friends usually do?
And I really do enjoy her friendship/companionship so yeah I admit I do like it and would hate to lose that but I want closure so I'm gonna have to take a chance.
What happened the last time you invited her on a trip? Did it actually happen?
What happened the last time you invited her on a trip? Did it actually happen?
I've never invited her on a trip..She asked me if I wanted to go to Miami with her and her sister a few months ago if she went but she didn't end up going..
When we talked Friday she said we should go on a vacation together this summer..
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