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The answer is that I do not know definitively. Also, with a wave of Baby Boomers turning 65 by the minute, many of these ideas are about to change. The Baby Boomer generation in the United States has changed the culture of their life phase at every phase over the course of their lives, so why wouldn't they redefine old age?
Here are things that I think are known and are unlikely to change:
1. Men die before women, causing a surplus of older single women. Even with longer lifespans, this is unlikely to change.
2. While a surplus of women is great, the average 65-74 year old man wants a younger woman. However, many of these men will end up settling for a woman their own age because women in their 40s and 50s still have decent options.
3. Starting a relationship later in life is less pleasant. Let's take a hypothetical of a 65 year old woman who is a divorcee starting a relationship with a 70 year old man. The 70 year old man likely has adult children from a previous relationship, as does the 65 year old woman. Merging their two lives is going to be difficult. They both probably own real estate, so someone will have to sell a piece of a real estate if they want to live together. Their adult children are probably going to be resentful of it. The woman will end up as a caretaker for an elderly man after only a few good years together. This couple will spend the worst years of their lives together without having the base of having spent their good years in their 20s-40s together.
Your 20s-40s aren't necessary your good years, except for--usually--in physical condition and attractiveness.
My years past 45 have been much better in a few different ways than those "prime" years, which were sad and difficult. To end life with a few happy years would not be such a bad thing.
U can be 90 & have sex or relationships etc. So never too old. Just finding the right match get harder as u age but not imposs. If it is meant to be it will occur.
When my mother was around 80, she attended the funeral of a 91-year-old widow she knew from her church. The older lady had been very active and lively and personable, but had started to descend into failing health and then passed away.
My mother remarked to the woman's daughter that Mrs. A had seemed to have begun to deteriorate rather rapidly, and it surprised her because she had always been in such good health. The daughter told my mother that her mother had not been well since "John" died the year before. When my mother asked who John was, the daughter said it was the man her mother had had a relationship with for the past 20 years since a few years after her father died.
My mother said she had no idea this lady had a boyfriend all this time. She kept it to herself.
The answer is that I do not know definitively. Also, with a wave of Baby Boomers turning 65 by the minute, many of these ideas are about to change. The Baby Boomer generation in the United States has changed the culture of their life phase at every phase over the course of their lives, so why wouldn't they redefine old age?
Here are things that I think are known and are unlikely to change:
1. Men die before women, causing a surplus of older single women. Even with longer lifespans, this is unlikely to change.
2. While a surplus of women is great, the average 65-74 year old man wants a younger woman. However, many of these men will end up settling for a woman their own age because women in their 40s and 50s still have decent options.
3. Starting a relationship later in life is less pleasant. Let's take a hypothetical of a 65 year old woman who is a divorcee starting a relationship with a 70 year old man. The 70 year old man likely has adult children from a previous relationship, as does the 65 year old woman. Merging their two lives is going to be difficult. They both probably own real estate, so someone will have to sell a piece of a real estate if they want to live together. Their adult children are probably going to be resentful of it. The woman will end up as a caretaker for an elderly man after only a few good years together. This couple will spend the worst years of their lives together without having the base of having spent their good years in their 20s-40s together.
Much truth and wisdom in this post.
I discriminate on age equally meaning my advice to men and women is avoid a much older person as you could end up their caretaker.
Many of us that have been caretakers in the past (myself included), vehemently want to avoid it in the future. My wife was the only person in the world that I could willingly and lovingly do it for. I could not nor will not do it for anyone else. Thus I avoid older women.
I prefer (and have) a casual, mutually rewarding relationship with a younger women. Somewhat shallow I admit, but if it works for the both of you then power to you both.
As for taking care of myself if I become feeble. I have the resources to do so and I also have the will power to end it when there is nothing more to live for.
At 62 I can relate. Should my husband of 72 years there will be NO relationships.
NO cooking
NO putting up with foul moods and grouchiness
NO getting yelled at
NO being cursed at
No f'ing way.
I'd guess many would ask you why you put up with that....or ARE putting up with it still?
You think all men are like that? Or...do you like that? If not, why do you/did you stick around?
I had a female colleague, in her 60s, tell me today that she is "too old for a relationship." She explained that she has no interest in dating or pursuing companionship of a physical nature, and that "its for younger people." I didn't argue with her as she is entitled to her own opinions, but I wonder how common this is. Is there a point at which many people get to where they lose interest in having a relationship? An age where they determine its just not worth the effort?
For the record, this woman is very busy professionally and seems to have an interesting life full of travel, activities and family (she has a grown daughter and grandkids from an earlier marriage.) I didn't feel like this comment was made in some self-pitying way or that she wanted me to reassure her that she was not "too old."
Heck, I'm in my 30s and I'm feeling that I may be getting too old for a relationship
Heck, I'm in my 30s and I'm feeling that I may be getting too old for a relationship
Heck, I'm in my 50s and found one. It's never too late. Granted, I'd been in a long marriage, came off a tough divorce, and had some hiccups along the way to finding another someone, but I have someone I feel I can trust now.
No one can predict the future, but actions and behavior play a role in the future you will have.
I'd guess many would ask you why you put up with that....or ARE putting up with it still?
You think all men are like that? Or...do you like that? If not, why do you/did you stick around?
Sometimes reasons are not meant for public forums.
I am sure there are some lovely fellows out there, that would appreciate an attractive, loving partner. But after this one I am simply not interested in taking such a chance.
I want to live one day longer. One day of peace in my life.
I'm 50 and right now anyway, this is how I feel ^ ...I'd definitely have sex, though, if anybody would have me, anyway.
But I really would not want to get married again or live with anybody. I have picked up after people, young and old, since I was 7. If I could I'd travel, like the OP's friend. And then just relax and have my space be my space. With the occasional visitor when I felt like it. I'd be happy to be romanced, to have company, to have sex, have adventures. But I would no longer want obligations. There comes a time when you really do just want the joy, without having to serve constantly. I'm actually crying a little writing this, I am so darned tired of serving, cleaning, caring for the world. Gosh I'm tired.
If a person can have this freedom...more power to her! Do it before you're dead!
Yeah, I was planning something of this kind after my divorce. I mean, I wanted all the fun of sex and relationships but I didn't want to live with or take care of another person and I did not want anyone telling me what to do, or what not to do. *sigh* But then...well...me and my older guy, we fell arse over teakettle in love, like ya do...and eventually the thinking was, we could both have a nicer place to live than where we lived separately, if we put our resources together...and we could have a pretty promising future in certain ways, if we consider a long term commitment...and I'm really not that interested in having sex with anyone else, since I'm so happy with this one man... We're still not rushing. I think we might get married, but probably not until my younger son is grown, another year and a half or so. We'll see.
He is, at least, a very low maintenance housemate. I spend more time cleaning up after the cat, who sheds fur everywhere. That's a nice change from the last man I lived with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellomoon
Some people are simply old no matter how old they are. I had friends who felt old at 30! They don't change. They will feel old for ever.
I felt older at 26, than I do now at 39. Small kids and a miserable, melodramatic husband at the time, full time work, part time college, and practically all of the household responsibilities. I actually believed for a bit, that growing up meant never having fun again. I laugh to think how very wrong I was...
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312
...
ironing and changing diapers are an affront to masculinity.
...
I kinda agree. It's very emasculating when your husband, who should be your partner, whines like a b-word, or maybe a c-word, over having to do the slightest little thing to help out at home.
A few weeks of being expected to do housework, while unemployed, the same work I always did while working full time, had my ex husband throwing tantrums, attempting to throw dirty dishes in the trash rather than wash them, and once yelling, "None of you respect me! I'm nothing but a domestic house b----!!" Oh, the drama. And my take-away from that, is that he was happy to act like my efforts were negligible, were worth nothing, when I was doing them, but when they fell on his shoulders, he cracked. Broke. Couldn't hang.
My contempt of him wasn't because he was doing housework. It was the realization that he actually found it traumatic to do anything that he wasn't getting paid for, or an immediate and tangible reward or praise. My god. Bruh. Do you even adult.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
I think people can be terrified of being alone as they get frail. There could be some truth to women being less afraid of this as we either have bigger social circles or know how to make and nurture new ones.
Yep. My Great Aunt lived alone; she had a close friend and neighbor keep an eye on her, and she'd given her the authority to make decisions for her when the time came. She set up all of her end-of-life plans well in advance. In her late 70's, she traveled with a senior group to China and hiked the Great Wall.
The idea of having a partner there if I'm seriously sick or dying...it's repellent to me. Like I am imposing or ruining his life. I've always just sort of lived with the assumption that providing care is my job, and asking for it is too much to ask of anyone, unless they're getting paid or something, like in a home. I fully expect to end up in a home when I'm old. Not only am I unafraid of being "alone" in my old age...I am uncomfortable contemplating being a burden.
But this is probably how the mentality works for those of us who have been caregivers from a very young age. My childhood was over by the time I was 9.
...
OH, and by the by...the older women I know who are getting casual sex, are not hooking up with men their own age. They're getting with much younger men. There are a lot of men who are willing to have casual-ish sex whenever it is offered, even with a woman old enough to be their mother. At least you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant!
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I'd be happy to be romanced, to have company, to have sex, have adventures. But I would no longer want obligations. There comes a time when you really do just want the joy, without having to serve constantly. I'm actually crying a little writing this, I am so darned tired of serving, cleaning, caring for the world. Gosh I'm tired.
