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Your choosing this life, so figure out why. Divorce is an option.
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Ya know, I read somewhere that men get crankier as they age because their brain cells are slowly dying...I'm just saying.
Maybe you just need a little vacation from him. A couple of weeks off somewhere without him. Absence may make your heart grow fonder, or, you might decide that you would be better off staying away.
I've called suicide hotlines several times in the past. They go through their check list. "Have you attempted suicide in the past?" "Do you have a specific plan?" etc., etc., Once they get through their checklist, they always refer me to a local clinic (Burrell Behavioral Health), where you can obtain counseling on a sliding scale. I know the drill like I wrote it. They are useless.
GO TO THE ER if you are suicidal, call someone to drive you or call 911
DON'T let a man drive you to mental ruin.
You didn't answer..do you love him or would you rather be separate from him?? Do you feel he is the sole reason of your issues? Or like me, do you suffer from depression or some degree of mental illness?? Do you take anti-depressants, or have you in the past? Do you need some now?
Perhaps an evaluation by a psychiatrist...have you done this in the past?? I am concerned for you...
The changes in behavior will seem minuscule, but there is hope for changing the dynamic over time.
You ask about his day, but you preface your question with a time-limit because you have to do something. A half hour is enough for someone to talk about their day (It's actually several times more than necessary).
So, after a half hour, you a) take a shower, b) plant seeds in the garden, c) change the spark plugs in the car (in short, anything you think of that takes you out of the room you're in with him.
Now, during your conversation, you ask him to give you an example of something positive that happened at work, or a positive that's always been there.
At first, show an equal interest in all aspects, positive or negative, of his daily harangue, but over time, show more interest in the positive things he mentions.
[I am a trained psychotherapist.....maybe I should use that as a disclaimer!]
Your choosing this life, so figure out why. Divorce is an option.
There are a lot of reasons. Like I said, I don't do well alone. After this time, our lives are so enmeshed, it is like conjoined twins who share a brain. You can't separate them without somebody dying. We have pets. We have financial obligations that I cannot cover on one income alone. So many reasons.
He's not a bad man. He is just oblivious to the fact that there is anyone else in the world.
I always get a kick out of coming back from the store and I am struggling to carry 6 bags of groceries while he prances from the car to the house carrying one small bag of "his goodies". Often he will not even open the door for me without my asking. If I say anything to him about it he gets angry and defensive and says... "Well all you had to do is ask". Really??
The changes in behavior will seem minuscule, but there is hope for changing the dynamic over time.
You ask about his day, but you preface your question with a time-limit because you have to do something. A half hour is enough for someone to talk about their day (It's actually several times more than necessary).
So, after a half hour, you a) take a shower, b) plant seeds in the garden, c) change the spark plugs in the car (in short, anything you think of that takes you out of the room you're in with him.
Now, during your conversation, you ask him to give you an example of something positive that happened at work, or a positive that's always been there.
At first, show an equal interest in all aspects, positive or negative, of his daily harangue, but over time, show more interest in the positive things he mentions.
[I am a trained psychotherapist.....maybe I should use that as a disclaimer!]
This is all good advice. I've had him come into the bathroom with me as I took a shower, continuing HIS conversation. Then he will get angry if I ask him to repeat himself because I could not hear him due to the shower. ha ha
When something really BIG happens to him at work, the conversation can go NON-STOP for two or three days. He will pick up INSTANTLY at breakfast carrying on the conversation from the night before. I will attempt to change the conversation, and as soon as I stop talking he picks up his diatribe from where he left off as though I never said a word.
It's exhausting.
I will lie about appointments and work just to get out of the house. I have taken naps in the parking lots of grocery stores rather than go home and listen to him talk. I've fantasized how great it would be to have an apartment or place I could go just to be away him. I have almost forgotten how to carry on a normal conversation with people.
There are a lot of reasons. Like I said, I don't do well alone. After this time, our lives are so enmeshed, it is like conjoined twins who share a brain. You can't separate them without somebody dying. We have pets. We have financial obligations that I cannot cover on one income alone. So many reasons.
He's not a bad man. He is just oblivious to the fact that there is anyone else in the world.
I always get a kick out of coming back from the store and I am struggling to carry 6 bags of groceries while he prances from the car to the house carrying one small bag of "his goodies". Often he will not even open the door for me without my asking. If I say anything to him about it he gets angry and defensive and says... "Well all you had to do is ask". Really??
Well it just sounds like you’re sick of him. I’m sure a lot of married people feel that way, but oh well. He’s not going to change after all these years and you say he isn’t a bad guy and you can’t leave him. So try to focus on the good things about him and your life together.
Has he ever been suspected of having Asperger's Syndrome?
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