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Well i want to help. I want to see both of us successful. He told me during a fight that people would know i left him because he was broke. And that all i want is money. Totally not true. I’ve spent SO much money helping him. But he said he will make sure people know my sick motivation if i leave. It truly isn’t about money. It’s about the complete anger and dispute of my help.
Financial abuse, like other forms of abuse, can manifest in various ways.
First off, you need to get something through your head: there is nothing wrong with wanting both of you to be successful, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to help out toward that goal.
But those coins have another side, one where there IS something wrong with someone allowing you to foot the bill in order that they are free to spend "their" money as they see fit.
I didn't bother quoting your first post, just the one above -- because it tells you everything you need to know.
He threatened you. Pay close attention to this, I'll say it again.
He... threatened... you. His threat is only about shaming you publicly, but he threatened to do so if you dare to leave him, that "people would know" why you really did it.
What kind of relationship is that? I don't care what he's like the rest of the time, it's during fights when our tempers are flaring we often get a good look into someone's character, for better or worse.
So you're questioning whether or not you should stick with a relationship with a man who has threatened to shame and humiliate you (or to at least attempt it) if you leave.
I only have your side of the situation to go on, but even without all the rest of it, THIS alone would be enough to tell me... well, let me put it differently, more directly:
In doing this, he told YOU precisely what he thinks of you. He's already told you.
You have all the answer you need: yes, you're being financially abused, and further, it won't stop. This is his financial character.
How many times are you going to ask whether to leave this guy? How many times are you going to ask people to get on board with agreeing that you're being treated badly, that this guy is a bad person and so on? Have you asked yourself what you're getting out of this? Do you feel the need to be the person who is suffering as it earns you attention? Do you feel you deserve this? Or what?
Yes, he has issues but those aren't your concern. Your own desire to stay in this situation is your concern. There is something much deeper going on here. Obviously you need to leave him, that is a given, but you also need to immediately seek counseling, or you will continue to seek relationships like this one.
If this were the first time I would feel differently. People do fall victim to abuse. But you know how many times similar things have happened and that you have elected to stay. There are reasons. Your therapist can help you uncover them.
There are none of the usual reasons for needing to stay - kids, married and he would get your assets, can't support yourself. So you are electing to stay. What are you getting out of repeatedly asking people to tell you yes, you're being abused or yes, he's wrong or no, this situation isn't okay, etc.? Over and over?
But what if your partner had another house, bills, cable for the place she brought into the relationship and you stay there as well when you go with her to visit her family. At least 10 days a month...
But what if your partner had another house, bills, cable for the place she brought into the relationship and you stay there as well when you go with her to visit her family. At least 10 days a month...
Then you no longer stay there, as you have broken up. Luckily, you can support yourself so you do not have to stay there.
But what if your partner had another house, bills, cable for the place she brought into the relationship and you stay there as well when you go with her to visit her family. At least 10 days a month...
What's that got to do with the price of eggs in China?
If you had left him and were living in your own house, which is where you should have been all the time you've been on this board, he wouldn't be spending any time there or visiting your family
But what if your partner had another house, bills, cable for the place she brought into the relationship and you stay there as well when you go with her to visit her family. At least 10 days a month...
I don't understand why you're seeing a dilemma here. Move back to your place. Leave him to his own devices. He's not your problem. You're entitled to peace of mind, personal safety, and the absence of threats in your life. There are way better guys out there. The sooner you liberate yourself from this one, the sooner you can begin looking for a great guy who doesn't present issues like this.
What's that got to do with the price of eggs in China?
If you had left him and were living in your own house, which is where you should have been all the time you've been on this board, he wouldn't be spending any time there or visiting your family
This. There is no dilemma here, OP. Just walk away, back to your own place. Easy, peasy. If he harasses you and stalks you, call the police. Get on with your life, for heavcn's sake.
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