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I have social anxiety. I never even had a female friend in my entire life and I will be 34 soon. I don't even have any friends anymore. Two years ago I found a girl who has social anxiety on a meetup website. She lives in the same town I do so I contacted her. She convinced me to meet her up just to hang out so it wasn't a date. I arrived only some minutes after I had already left and was close to when arriving to the museum she sent me a message saying she couldn't go and apologize. I read it exactly when I was entering the parking lot of the museum. I was pissed off but at the same time I was relieved. The whole week before this I couldn't even sleep and I was nervous and anxious about it for that entire week. She apologized. Once in a while I still talk to her but just texting. It could last 6 months without talking to her. She sent me a message yesterday. The last time I talked to her before this was 3 months ago. She said yesterday that if I could eat with her at a restaurant in the same town we live, and that her boyfriend couldn't go. Well, she already has a boyfriend and I don't want to meet her especially since she has a boyfriend. That's just weird. What would be next? Me hanging out with her and her boyfriend while they make out? That's strange to me. I made it clear to her yesterday I never want to meet her and only talk on facebook messenger or texting. She said fine but she sounded disappointed that I didn't go. Plus, I hate when I am not given at least a day to prepare myself, mentally and physically and even if I prepared for an entire month--- I still wouldn't be ready and wouldn't even go since I learned my lesson the first time when she didn't show up.
She says she has a boyfriend and wants to use you as a fill in?
Ignore her regardless of your own problems. She isn't one that going to benefit you in any way
I have social anxiety. I never even had a female friend in my entire life and I will be 34 soon. I don't even have any friends anymore. Two years ago I found a girl who has social anxiety on a meetup website. She lives in the same town I do so I contacted her. She convinced me to meet her up just to hang out so it wasn't a date. I arrived only some minutes after I had already left and was close to when arriving to the museum she sent me a message saying she couldn't go and apologize. I read it exactly when I was entering the parking lot of the museum. I was pissed off but at the same time I was relieved. The whole week before this I couldn't even sleep and I was nervous and anxious about it for that entire week. She apologized. Once in a while I still talk to her but just texting. It could last 6 months without talking to her. She sent me a message yesterday. The last time I talked to her before this was 3 months ago. She said yesterday that if I could eat with her at a restaurant in the same town we live, and that her boyfriend couldn't go. Well, she already has a boyfriend and I don't want to meet her especially since she has a boyfriend. That's just weird. What would be next? Me hanging out with her and her boyfriend while they make out? That's strange to me. I made it clear to her yesterday I never want to meet her and only talk on facebook messenger or texting. She said fine but she sounded disappointed that I didn't go. Plus, I hate when I am not given at least a day to prepare myself, mentally and physically and even if I prepared for an entire month--- I still wouldn't be ready and wouldn't even go since I learned my lesson the first time when she didn't show up.
Well ... it's kinda strange, but it is what friends do. If she isn't into you romantically, maybe she's trying to be friends.
What are you doing to help your social anxiety? Maybe you DON'T need a day in advance to prepare since it sounds like you get so worked up. Maybe being more spontaneous would help you.
I don't think you should bother with her....more important to focus on social anxiety that is holding you back...
Have you considered therapy to help id the issues causing you distress??? My SA waned after I received therapy and also took antidepressants for depression.
Just one visit with a therapist might point you in the right direction to get help best for you.
Well ... it's kinda strange, but it is what friends do. If she isn't into you romantically, maybe she's trying to be friends.
What are you doing to help your social anxiety? Maybe you DON'T need a day in advance to prepare since it sounds like you get so worked up. Maybe being more spontaneous would help you.
been there, done that, got therapy for social anxiety for 10 years, this includes 4 therapists of individual therapy, group therapy, meet ups, reading books and audio books, etc... It didn't work at all. I wasted my all of that money for nothing. I am not trying to be with her romantically, but my mind doesn't work like that since I don't talk to girls. I would think of her as a possible girlfriend even though I know that's not the situation I am in since she already has a boyfriend. I just wanted to know if it's normal what she said, me going there because her boyfriend couldn't go. Why would it be strange? I want to understand it more in detail why this or isn't acceptable.
I have social anxiety. I never even had a female friend in my entire life and I will be 34 soon. I don't even have any friends anymore. Two years ago I found a girl who has social anxiety on a meetup website. She lives in the same town I do so I contacted her. She convinced me to meet her up just to hang out so it wasn't a date. I arrived only some minutes after I had already left and was close to when arriving to the museum she sent me a message saying she couldn't go and apologize. I read it exactly when I was entering the parking lot of the museum. I was pissed off but at the same time I was relieved. The whole week before this I couldn't even sleep and I was nervous and anxious about it for that entire week. She apologized. Once in a while I still talk to her but just texting. It could last 6 months without talking to her. She sent me a message yesterday. The last time I talked to her before this was 3 months ago. She said yesterday that if I could eat with her at a restaurant in the same town we live, and that her boyfriend couldn't go. Well, she already has a boyfriend and I don't want to meet her especially since she has a boyfriend. That's just weird. What would be next? Me hanging out with her and her boyfriend while they make out? That's strange to me. I made it clear to her yesterday I never want to meet her and only talk on facebook messenger or texting. She said fine but she sounded disappointed that I didn't go. Plus, I hate when I am not given at least a day to prepare myself, mentally and physically and even if I prepared for an entire month--- I still wouldn't be ready and wouldn't even go since I learned my lesson the first time when she didn't show up.
Nothing about the girl is strange, but it's really strange that you would not want to see her because you think hanging out with her would involve sitting around while she makes out with her boyfriend. When someone invites you to hang out, they are inviting you to hang out, not to be an audience to their make out session.
You are totally focusing on the wrong thing. Forget about this girl.
What you should focus on is your problem with being in your 30s without dealing with your own problem.
Here are some possibilities:
- Find yourself a counselor/therapist to discuss the social anxiety. Not to drug it away, but to work out how to get past it.
- Decide to be brave and work it out yourself. Just deal with the anxiety and reach out anyway. Don't start romantically. Just start talking to people. Recognize that nothing bad will happen. Yeah, you might say something dumb occasionally, but so what? Everyone has embarrassments and we all survive.
- Look around for support groups.
- Start with ordinary friends. It sounds like you used to have them. So think about how you can develop some new friendships.
- Don't spend a lot of time texting. You need to be talking to people in person.
- Do it now. You don't want to be in this same rut when you are 40 or 50.
So you are socially awkward and want a girlfriend right out of the chute? Do the friends thing first. Leave this other one alone. She has nothing for you. I can see her being trouble.
It is strange to do what she proposed. Why would you want to go with her and her boyfriend? Very strange. Maybe you should seek out people who are opposite of you rather than similar. Make yourself get involved in a social group. Show up and have a drink and relax and then go home. Plan it and follow through. Face your fear. What do you have to lose and nobody is going to berate you for it. If they do, so what.
been there, done that, got therapy for social anxiety for 10 years, this includes 4 therapists of individual therapy, group therapy, meet ups, reading books and audio books, etc... It didn't work at all. I wasted my all of that money for nothing. I am not trying to be with her romantically, but my mind doesn't work like that since I don't talk to girls. I would think of her as a possible girlfriend even though I know that's not the situation I am in since she already has a boyfriend. I just wanted to know if it's normal what she said, me going there because her boyfriend couldn't go. Why would it be strange? I want to understand it more in detail why this or isn't acceptable.
What I meant was strange is that you only communicate SO sporadically.
It's not strange for friends to go get food together.
If you've had that much therapy and you still feel this way, it sounds like you need to resign yourself to being mostly a loner. Navigating relationships can be complicated. Some people are totally fine to hang out with opposite sex friends while they are in a relationship. But I think that, given your inexperience, it's probably better if you don't do that with her.
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